Tofu Italian sausage is actually as delicious as it sounds.

Here’s what’s going on tonight at Howdygram headquarters: NOTHING. Sam is asleep on the sofa, I’m drinking iced tea, and we’re both not watching The Guns of Navarone (1961) starring Gregory Peck and David Niven. This is an excellent movie if you can remind yourself to mute the volume at crucial points in the story, because The Guns of Navarone is a nonstop festival of explosions, noise, sound effects, wailing Nazi sirens and guns. MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF GUNS!

Sometimes I fall asleep mid-sentence. My hospice team says this is part of a “decline.”

Yo. It’s almost 5 p.m. and I thought I’d get started on another Howdygram post before I fall asleep. (Because it would be awfully hard to get started after I fall asleep. I’m just saying.) I’ve been nodding off quite a bit for the past couple of days, sometimes even mid-sentence when I’m talking to Sam. My hospice team says this is actually part of a “decline.”

An oxygen cannula delivers “forced air” up your nose but has a few drawbacks.

Happy Tuesday morning from Howdygram headquarters. It’s almost 2 a.m., Sam is in bed, and I’m enjoying a few hours of quiet time with a brand new creative project for The Howdygram Store (details follow). In the meantime I’d like to tell you what’s been going on around here.

I only have two nostrils.

Don’t get hysterical or recalibrate your monitor … in case everything looks slightly different but you can’t figure out what, I just spent half an hour tweaking the Howdygram’s colors! Now the text is a pleasant yet different shade of light blue instead of a dull blue/gray, and the post headlines are a darker navy than before. I also added some additional letterspacing here and there to make everything a little more legible.

I would like to recommend Loma Linda Swiss Stakes with Tasty Tan Gravy in a Can.

Hello, people. Here’s wishing y’all a swell and peaceful Monday! It’s 4:45 p.m., Sam is in the study trying to find a photo on the Internet, and I’ve decided to squeeze in a Howdygram post while I’m still pain-free with no burning bladder spasms and no migraine headache. My project-of-the-week involves some drug experimentation.

About migraines, nausea and uncontrollable floating arms.

I’ve been working on a Howdygram post for the last several days but had no opportunity to wrap it up or publish it. Why? Because I’ve had a couple of bizarre medical emergencies — or “Incredible Medical Escapades” — going on behind the scenes here, the second of which brought me perilously close to ending my own life due to overwhelming helplessness, hopelessness and pain.

A bleeding, itching heat rash … up close and personal.

Happy Saturday, boy and girls. It’s a few minutes before 6 a.m., Sam is out in the woods enjoying his pre-dawn “constitutional,” and I’ve decided to spend some time at the keyboard composing another Howdygram post. Lucky you.

Incidentally, pressure sores are not good news. You do NOT want pressure sores!

It’s the pre-dawn hours of Tuesday morning — 4:30 a.m. to be exact — and Sam is getting ready to go for his morning “constitutional” in his favorite forested area in south Mesquite. Before he leaves, though, I asked him to nuke a bag of frozen cauliflower for me.

Celebrating Memorial Day with “From Here to Eternity” and a pile of Chinese food.

Happy Memorial Day! While America honors its fallen soldiers, I’m lying in bed watching From Here to Eternity (1953) starring Montgomery Clift, Frank Sinatra and Burt Lancaster while waiting for a delivery from China City. Specifically, Tofu Tempura and Scallop Egg Foo Young. (Oy. I’m starving.) Because everybody wants Chinese food on Memorial Day, right?

I’ve been working on a new line of weird cat-themed greeting cards.

It’s the wee hours of Sunday morning, just a few minutes past midnight. The days have been rushing by! I began a Howdygram post on Monday night but never got past the opening paragraph; when I tried to pick it up again on Wednesday I lost interest almost right away and decided instead to work on a new line of weird cat-themed greeting cards for The Howdygram Store. Two examples appear below for your possible interest.

I’d like to wish a happy 45th anniversary to my sister and brother-in-law, Robin and Ron.

Yo, everybody, and happy Sunday! Before I dive into a bunch of important, essential and occasionally stupid subjects, I would like to extend warmest wishes to Robin and Ron (my sister and brother-in-law) on their 45th wedding anniversary! That’s an awfully long time ago, but I remember it well due to being Robin’s maid-of-honor in a very yellow bridesmaid’s dress with poofy sleeves (typical 1970s) and sandals that gave me blisters. Other memories … the food was terrific, I got trampled during the bouquet toss, there was a very good orchestra and Robin looked adorable … except she was almost late for the noon-time ceremony. We finally found her in the hotel coffee shop with curlers in her hair eating cereal. (No kidding. True story.)

Sam and I have a flock of Doris Day’s best movies stored on our DVR.

I missed my opportunity this year to wish many of you a happy Mother’s Day, and I apologize for that. I sincerely hope I’ll have a chance to try again in 2020. To tell you the truth, though, I’d be happy just to make it through New Year’s Eve. Let’s hold a good thought. Thank you.

I started coughing up blood today.

It’s 7:30 a.m. on Saturday morning, and this is already a day of FAVORITES … starting with my favorite weekend beverage (iced tea), my favorite visitors (none), my favorite breakfast (a toasted English muffin with butter and cheese), my favorite weather (thunderstorms), my favorite husband (Sam) and my favorite blog (the Howdygram), which are listed here in no particular order whatsoever.

Sam taught me how to meditate last night. I married a genius!

Happy Wednesday morning from Howdygram headquarters. It’s almost 4 a.m. and I’m pleased to report that I feel MUCH, MUCH BETTER than I did yesterday, when I stayed awake all night gagging and choking on a fistful of bedtime prescription medications that dissolved in my throat after I fell asleep unexpectedly … a thoroughly sickening “stew” of Gabapentin Trazodone, Hydrocodone, Amitriptyline and Metoprolol. Blecch!

I’m choking and gagging and coughing violently. Having a wonderful time.

Hi-de-ho, everybody! It’s the early hours of Tuesday morning — 3:25 a.m. to be exact — and I thought it might be a good idea to distract myself by composing another Howdygram post even though I’m feeling ONE THOUSAND PERCENT LOUSY right now. This is wholly due to: 1) my body temperature is only 94.7°; 2) I’ve got drippy allergy symptoms; 3) my knees are killing me; 4) my bedtime meds are burning a foul-tasting hole in my esophagus because they didn’t “go down” all the way when I swallowed them three hours ago and immediately fell asleep; and 5) Sam went to bed at midnight so there’s nobody to play with.