I decided to revamp the Howdygram’s subheads today.

Hello. It’s early Wednesday evening and I just woke up from a 14-hour (that’s not a typo!) nap. FOURTEEN HOURS. The last thing I remember is Sam giving me a bath at 3 a.m., and I felt so good that I passed out afterwards. Trust me, it wasn’t my intention to do that, because I had a lot of “plans” today! These included: 1) eating; 2) uploading at least 200 new designs for iPhone cases in The Howdygram Store; 3) contacting Wal-Mart via live chat to complain that a jar of pitted Greek olives broke in transit; 4) Repeat #1; and 5) Repeat #4. Got that?

China City had the gall to shut down on day one of the Coronavirus pandemic.

It’s a fresh, new day here at Howdygram headquarters. Today is Saturday, just a few minutes past “high noon,” Sam is asleep on the sofa, the weather outside is dark and depressing — no sunshine? what the fuck! — and I’m enjoying raspberry green tea and ordering tasty shit from Amazon. Because that’s what I do when I’m bored.

Sam is the undisputed king of organization around here.

Happy Thursday night, boys and girls, and welcome to the Howdygram … your lighthearted alternative to COVID-19 and empty shelves at the local Wal-Mart.

There’s more to this story than pain.

I wanted to write a post several days ago but haven’t been awake long enough to string any meaningful sentences together. I do have lots to say, though, so I’ll try to take a stab at this. Get comfortable and pour yourself a glass of iced tea.

Real chicken that you refresh in hot water for three minutes. No kidding.

Hello, dear and faithful readers. I wanted to write a Howdygram post on Saturday but couldn’t make it happen, no-how. I was sick and miserable almost all damn day with crazy ailments I can barely recall, although I do remember just enough to post the following Shit-O-Meter readout.

Hey, people … have you ever had a craving for creamed spinach?

I love weekends because Sam and I get TWO WHOLE DAYS without any invited (or uninvited) visitors or irritating interruptions. These would include: 1) hospice nurses or nurse’s aides; 2) a medical professional of any kind; 3) a pharmacy delivery that isn’t Hydrocodone; and 4) a UPS dude who rings the doorbell.

Happy Independence Day from Sam and me.

While I wait for my hospice C.N.A. to show up for Wednesday morning’s bath and hygiene session I thought it might be a good idea to jump-start another fresh, new Howdygram post, which involves typing like a maniac until the doorbell rings. Is this fun, or what?!

Tofu Italian sausage is actually as delicious as it sounds.

Here’s what’s going on tonight at Howdygram headquarters: NOTHING. Sam is asleep on the sofa, I’m drinking iced tea, and we’re both not watching The Guns of Navarone (1961) starring Gregory Peck and David Niven. This is an excellent movie if you can remind yourself to mute the volume at crucial points in the story, because The Guns of Navarone is a nonstop festival of explosions, noise, sound effects, wailing Nazi sirens and guns. MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF GUNS!