Monday, June 24, 2019

Tofu Italian sausage is actually as delicious as it sounds.

Here’s what’s going on tonight at Howdygram headquarters: NOTHING. Sam is asleep on the sofa, I’m drinking iced tea, and we’re both not watching The Guns of Navarone (1961) starring Gregory Peck and David Niven. This is an excellent movie if you can remind yourself to mute the volume at crucial points in the story, because The Guns of Navarone is a nonstop festival of explosions, noise, sound effects, wailing Nazi sirens and guns. MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF GUNS!




I’d like to share another herd of fabulous free fonts with y’all, this time featuring several lovely scripts (“Armstrong,” “Andara,” “Satalia”), hand-lettered fonts (“Risole”) and a variety of useful display fonts (“Paper Plates,” “Creative Mommy,” “Cikandei,” “Twilight”). I’m especially excited about “Armstrong” and “Andara,” which include lots of gorgeous curlicues, fancy extra characters and swashy whatnots. Swashy whatnots are so much fun!

Download links will appear after the graphic in case you want any of these for your own collection. You’re welcome.




A couple of days ago I added a new product to my Wal-Mart pickup order: TOFURKY TOFU ITALIAN SAUSAGE. I’d been craving Italian sausage for an awfully long time, but supermarkets only sell raw Italian sausage links and Sam doesn’t cook. Therefore, I figured I’d try Tofurky Tofu Italian Sausage as a reasonable substitute, because: 1) it’s fully cooked and all you have to do it heat it up; 2) I’ve tried other Tofurky tofu products in the past and liked them, including tofu hot dogs and tofu breakfast sausage; and 3) I’m frequently delusional concerning my food expectations. And this time was no exception. Tofu Italian sausage is really as delicious as it sounds.


Tofurky Tofu Italian Sausage links are dry and vile with an atrocious texture and flavor. Seriously, I never tasted anything so unlike Italian sausage in my entire life … and that includes sauerkraut, lamb guts (a Greek specialty!), Swiss cheese, mutton and bread pudding. Oh my God, people, DON’T WASTE YOUR MONEY.

This product has been awarded the Howdygram’s one-chopper rating.



It’s a few minutes past midnight and I think I need to wake Sam. I’m a little hungry (at last!), which is huge news because I really haven’t eaten much of anything for a couple of days. At the moment I’ve got a hankerin’ for a couple of chicken egg rolls with Thai sweet chili sauce. This is so goddamn exciting I might have a nervous breakdown. I will use this subhead for future posts about my late-night culinary adventures. They are many, to Sam’s frequent horror and delight. For instance: “Know what I have a taste for tonight? Do we have any Jif peanut butter, pickled beets or Beef-a-Roni?”


But let’s get back to the two products pictured above. First, TAI PEI CHICKEN EGG ROLLS are seriously excellent despite being a frozen product … and even if you use the microwave instructions! They’re stuffed nice and full with mystery egg roll material and don’t collapse after the first bite. These are actually better than most (or all) of the restaurant egg rolls I’ve eaten here in Dallas … although, to be fair, Dallas is NOT big on Chinese cuisine.*

The yahoos around here like corn dogs, beef jerky and beer.

Sam enjoys egg rolls, too, so next time I order groceries from Wal-Mart I’ll buy another box. I also want to try Tai Pei’s Shrimp Egg Rolls … and maybe a few of Tai Pei’s other products, such as their cute little frozen tubs of Chicken Fried Rice, Broccoli Beef and Sweet & Sour Chicken for only $2.67 each. Think I should order one of these entrées for Sam? Please check the appropriate box below:

Second, MAE PLOY THAI SWEET CHILI SAUCE is above-average, thick, somewhat tasty and full of flavor flecks, but since this is the only brand of sweet chili sauce that Wal-Mart carries — not counting Panda Express, which I tried (and hated) a few months ago — I really didn’t have any other options.



Here are a few random thoughts and miscellaneous ramblings as I begin another week of life as a bedridden old woman with a large TV.

ITS ALL RELATIVE. Steve and Therese (Sam’s older brother and his wife) were in town this past weekend and drove over to Howdygram headquarters on Saturday for lunch and a wonderful, desperately-needed visit. I can’t begin to describe how much Sam and I enjoyed spending time with these two. I hadn’t seen Steve or Therese since 2007 (when Sam and I moved to Texas), and the last time Sam saw them was probably during a trip to Los Angeles two years ago, when his siblings, aunts and cousins had dinner together at Brent’s Deli in Northridge.  But back to the subject at hand, Saturday’s visit was positively perfect … including lunch! We had Dickey’s Barbecue Pit deliver their XL Family Pack, which included meats, sides, rolls, sauce, onions and a mountain of dill pickles. A fabulous feast! Therese commented that Dickey’s smoked turkey was the best she’d ever had, and everybody flipped out for the barbecue sauce. I also need to mention that Sam did an amazing job sprucing up the house before Steve and Therese got here (see two random photos below).


TODAY IS “CATHETER DAY.” And it’s every bit as thrilling as it sounds! My hospice nurse (Patti) will be here sometime today to do the procedure, but we have no clue exactly what time. Sam will probably start making calls about an hour from now when he gets home from his walk. Also, my C.N.A. (Leticia) is coming at 10:30 for the first of my three weekly bathing and hygiene sessions, plus a salon-quality shampoo on Friday.

BACK TO BASICS. I’ve had a craving for ground beef for the last couple of months. Sam doesn’t really cook, though, unless it’s something he can nuke in the microwave or bake in the toaster oven. (He also does Rice-a-Roni and nice fried eggs.) So I decided to place an order for two unusual products from Thrive Life, a company that sells freeze-dried food. I discovered Thrive Life about 10 years ago when I couldn’t stand up in the kitchen any more to prep and cook meals. Thrive Life’s chopped and diced freeze-dried meats, vegetables and fruits made my life a lot easier. (I stopped ordering when I couldn’t even stand up long enough to redydrate a half-cup of dehydrated onions.) Here are the products I ordered yesterday!


The Beef Textured Vegetable Protein (TVP) is a ground beef replacement. I love this product! It’s great for sloppy Joes, tacos, soups and so on, it tastes and “chews” like ground beef, and Sam doesn’t have to cook! Thrive Life’s Beef TVP costs $19.89 for 23 half-cup servings. They sell regular freeze-dried Ground Beef, too. The same size can sells for $52.71 and makes 20 half-cup servings. As for the Instant Béchamel Sauce, this is an instant white sauce (woo-hoo!) that makes a perfect base for cream soups and creamed vegetables. (Stay tuned. I’ll let you know how I plan to use the béchamel sauce later in the week.)



Time for breakfast, a fistful of pills and an Andy Hardy movie. Thank y’all for reading this.

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