Free fonts with a stunning display of background textures and clip art.

Once again I’m waking up after two long, long naps. The first was 18 hours, from 5:30 a.m. until 7:45 p.m. last night, and another four hours from 11 p.m. until 3 a.m. this morning, just a few minutes ago. Life is upside-down. I sleep all day, I’m up all night, but fortunately Sam is usually on the same schedule with me.

Unlimited help for one stinking buckaroo and “live chat” at 4:30 in the morning.

Glory hallelujah, hot damn and what the fuck! I just had a nightmarish issue with the Howdygram and thought I’d lost the old girl forever. About an hour ago I tried to begin composing a new post — this one, to be specific — but got an error window instead (see below) when I clicked the “new post” link. And then I got myself snaggled up with a screwy help website — JustAnswer.com — that I assumed was a free Google forum for Blogspot bloggers like yours truly. Boy, was I wrong!

I’m not especially interested in who the hell my nurse is. No kidding.

Hey. It’s me again. I’ve been housebound and bedridden for about five years already, so I have to admit that I don’t have too much to write about if I try to produce a Howdygram post more often than once or twice a week. Sad, isn’t it? I’ve given up on reading the news — local, national, global — so political commentary is pretty much dead in the water. My life has shriveled to an endless string of 18-hour naps, urinary tract spasms and weird meals. I’ll just have to make do with writing whatever I want, whenever I want … and let it go at that. You’ll get used to it, I promise.

I’ve discovered a new digital arts shop on Etsy.com.

Hello and happy Sunday from Howdygram headquarters. I’ve been trying to write this post for more than a week but got myself caught up in a cycle of extremely long and unexpected naps … and by the time I finally realized what was happening it was 10:45 Saturday night. At that point I was more interested in food and a pleasant conversation with Sam. What a clusterfuck … especially since I didn’t have a chance to recognize my father’s 100th birthday in heaven! He was born on July 13, 1920, and was buried just two days after his 82nd birthday. I think about my father every day of my life and regret that Sam never had a chance to know him.

I’m especially hysterical about Hand-Pulled Rotisserie Chicken White Meat.

So here’s what’s happening here today: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It’s 3:25 a.m. on Wednesday morning I tried to write this post at dinnertime on Tuesday but couldn’t stay awake long enough to write the first sentence. After an 11-hour nap I finally woke up about 15 minutes ago, said “hello” to Sam, and decided to start writing immediately so I could actually make some progress with this post. Jesus.

Tremors, squeezy feet and 18-hour naps. That’s the story of my life.

’Tis the Day of the Onion Rings here at Howdygram headquarters. This morning at 2 a.m. when I asked Sam to make me a bag of Nathan's Famous Thick Sliced Battered Onion Rings he delivered the devastating news that we didn’t have any more in the freezer … whereupon I immediately ordered four bags from Amazon Fresh along with a small order of incredible delicacies that included: (1) Sargento’s Pepper Jack Cheese; (2) Annie Chun’s White Sticky Rice; (3) one pound of Reser’s Cole Slaw; (4) one pound of Reser’s Macaroni Salad; (5) frozen Citrus Pop-Ups* in three thrilling flavors; (6) Sweet Baby Ray’s Sweet & Spicy Barbecue Sauce; (7) a half-pound of Italian Spicy Mixed Olive Bruschetta; (8) Farm Rich Mozzarella Sticks; and (9) six La Brea Bakery Take-and-Bake French Dinner Rolls.

Introducing Marcy’s Easy-Peasy Opioids and Olives Diet!

The life of a bedridden coot is an interesting one. Mostly, I guess, I’m faced with an endless stretch of days and weeks, ridiculous 18-hour spans of sleep, forgotten meals and missed medications … I almost can’t keep up sometimes. At the moment it’s 8:45 Wednesday morning. I’d like to take my morning meds, but Sam hasn’t brought them to me yet (he’s asleep), so I thought I’d kill a little time with the Howdygram. Hello, everybody.

Remember in my last post when I told you I was losing interest in fonts? I lied.

It’s been a whole week since my last Howdygram post, but I’ve got a solid reason that: I’VE BEEN ASLEEP. Yes, for the whole goddamn week!

Know what? The quarantine has been great for business!

I’m having a conundrum this morning. It’s a few minutes before 7 a.m. and my hands are freezing. They should be tucked underneath my blanket … except I also feel like typing, so this definitely sucks. I suppose I’ll just keep plugging away until I figure out what I want more … warm hands or a Howdygram post! (Right now the Howdygram post is winning.)

I decided to revamp the Howdygram’s subheads today.

Hello. It’s early Wednesday evening and I just woke up from a 14-hour (that’s not a typo!) nap. FOURTEEN HOURS. The last thing I remember is Sam giving me a bath at 3 a.m., and I felt so good that I passed out afterwards. Trust me, it wasn’t my intention to do that, because I had a lot of “plans” today! These included: 1) eating; 2) uploading at least 200 new designs for iPhone cases in The Howdygram Store; 3) contacting Wal-Mart via live chat to complain that a jar of pitted Greek olives broke in transit; 4) Repeat #1; and 5) Repeat #4. Got that?

Keep an eye out for the zebras and cows.

Happy Thursday night from Howdygram headquarters. Once again Sam and I have been sleeping for a ridiculous number of hours — eight, 10, 12 or more! — at a stretch, barely staying awake long enough to eat a meal. (I spend a lot of quality time with iced tea and pitted Greek olives.)

“Gimbal Egyptian” is a slab serif super-font. Woo-hoo!

I just woke up from a 16-hour nap — seriously, 16 hours! — and thought it might be fun to engage in a little self-expression. You know, write something. It’s 3:15 on a strangely cold Saturday morning (only 46°, believe it or not) for Texas in mid-April, and I just finished an A+ perfect turkey sandwich on white toast with tomatoes. Sam makes the best sandwiches! And the most wonderful side dish was a pair of fabulous movies … Dark Victory (1939) starring Bette Davis and George Brent, and Mad About Men (1954), a sweet little comedy about a mermaid starring Glynis Johns and Margaret Rutherford.

Sam is a 24/7 caregiver, nurse, chef, vaudeville comic (don’t ask) and launderer.

Yo, people. Welcome to Thursday night at Howdygram headquarters, where Sam is napping on the sofa nearby and I’m wrapped up in a fleece blanket on my hospital bed with a big glass of sugar-free peach soda and a bowl of pitted Greek olives.

I have no idea why I ordered six packages of fine egg noodles.

Hey. Good morning! It’s a few minutes past 8 a.m., Sam is in the study watching videos on YouTube, and I just finished one of my all-time favorite breakfasts … canned Hormel Beef Tamales with a side order of pitted Greek Kalamata olives in a teeny bowl. I suppose I should write my official product review now in case there are other senior citizens wondering what they should eat today.

China City had the gall to shut down on day one of the Coronavirus pandemic.

It’s a fresh, new day here at Howdygram headquarters. Today is Saturday, just a few minutes past “high noon,” Sam is asleep on the sofa, the weather outside is dark and depressing — no sunshine? what the fuck! — and I’m enjoying raspberry green tea and ordering tasty shit from Amazon. Because that’s what I do when I’m bored.

Prince Charles has the Coronavirus and he’s been sequestered at Balmoral Castle.

Believe it or not, Dallas County’s COVID-19 “social distancing” and “shelter-in-place” directives really aren’t big hoo-hahs for yours truly because I’ve been housebound and bedridden for more than two years. While the rest of the planet tries to figure it all out, I’m in bed scanning the headlines and shaking my head. This morning, however, one news story stood out above the others …

I’m having horrible diabetic neuropathy issues in my feet today.

Hello, guys. It’s the wee hours of Monday morning — 12:40 a.m., in case you’re interested — and I’m still trying to figure out what happened to Saturday and Sunday. Sam tells me that I slept through nearly all of it, with the exception of a 15-minute visit from my new hospice case manager (an R.N. named Nancy) around noon on Saturday. I don’t remember much about Nancy except she had good hair.

Oh my God, people … I’m so sick of Coronavirus news I want to SCREAM.

Oy, you’ll never believe what I just did. Never. Therefore I’ll begin tonight’s Howdygram post with one of my favorite topics!

There’s more to this story than pain.

I wanted to write a post several days ago but haven’t been awake long enough to string any meaningful sentences together. I do have lots to say, though, so I’ll try to take a stab at this. Get comfortable and pour yourself a glass of iced tea.

If you feel like remembering the Alamo, just get it done and move on.

I’m having a debate with myself right now. Do I want Chinese food for dinner or a cheeeburger and fries from McDonald’s? I’ve been craving both of them for the last few days, believe it or not. As soon as Sam wakes up from his late afternoon nap — which started out as an early afternoon nap — I’ll let him know what I want for dinner. In the meantime I’ll just lie here in bed diddling with the Howdygram and trying to pretend that I’m not having a hard time breathing today. (Arrgh! You guessed it … this is horrible.) When he wakes up I’ll ask Sam to increase the volume on my oxygen concentrator. It’s currently set at “level 6” and can go as high as “10.” (After that I’d need a stronger concentrator.)