Everybody knows it’s against the law to eat Greek olives without bread.

Mind if I whine for a few minutes? During the last couple of weeks I’ve had far too many diabetic hypoglycemic (low blood sugar) episodes. I know my symptoms well: 1) I get sweaty and clammy; 2) I’m hot; 3) my skin feels like I’m burning up with fever; 4) I feel dizzy and lightheaded; 5) my blood pressure gets very high; 6) I think I’m going to faint; 7) I have the “shakes”; and 8) I crave sugar. (Symptoms #2, #3 and #5 are new to the list.)

I apologize for my absence last week.

Yo, shalom, howdy and happy Monday from Howdygram headquarters! It’s another cold and cloudy day here, following three months of more cold and cloudy days. Texas is definitely sick of winter. Yesterday we even had a small ICE STORM, which melted by mid-day due to a brief period of sunshine and an afternoon high that hit 50°. We’re all looking ahead to Wednesday with a high in the 60s and a steady spring warm-up every day thereafter. We even have thunderstorms in the forecast. At last!

Today’s Shit-O-Meter pain report reflects an improvement over Saturday, Sunday and Monday.

I’ll begin this post with a simple statement: FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! This is due to intense pain in my left heel — a combination of diabetic neuropathy, plantar fasciitis and another bleeding blister on the bottom — plus arthritis in both knees. I’m a complete mess right now, a fact that’s being underscored by a urinary tract infection with uncontrollable peeing and a low-grade fever. I’ve had the infection for more than a week already. Even though I have an appointment to see my primary on September 6, I don’t think I can wait that long for relief so Sam said he’d talk to her office for me today and be my advocate. My dilemma? I need an antibiotic prescription but there’s no way I can see the doctor sooner than September 6 because I have to reserve transportation on the Mesquite senior citizen transit bus TWO WEEKS IN ADVANCE!

At last … I’m getting a visiting foot doctor!

Howdy-do, people! We had a pleasant summery Saturday here at Howdygram headquarters yesterday, featuring surprise thunderstorms, unexpected cactus pears, a copious amount of pishing, an extremely nice lunch (details to follow), and — best of all — I’M GETTING A VISITING FOOT DOCTOR!

On Saturday afternoon I got a call from a home health agency that’s been asked to set up an appointment for me with a traveling foot doctor because I haven’t been able to visit a podiatrist’s office for routine care in more than three years.* I’m diabetic with severe peripheral neuropathy, and these diseases are nothing at which to sneeze, believe me! Please stay tuned for additional information but don’t hesitate to resume your normal routine in the meantime.

Now, more than ever ... I totally hate my goddamn feet.

Please, please, please ... don’t yell at me! I took a short break from the Howdygram this week to revamp The Howdygram Store on Zazzle because business has been picking up — like really a LOT — and I wanted to reorganize my product listings with a few new categories and subcategories and redesign my store banner. Once you get started with a hoo-hah like this you can’t stop until you’re done, and it actually took six days to wrap it up. I’m not completely through tweaking yet, but I missed the Howdygram so much I decided to write a post tonight before I go to bed.

Sunday night’s weather was a real humdinger.

There were THREE HUGE NEWS STORIES at Howdygram headquarters on Sunday, which I’ll present to you below in neatly subtitled paragraphs.

News bulletin: Dish Network does home theater installations on Sundays!

Good morning, boys and girls! It’s 5:40 a.m., Sam just left for work and I’m polishing off a tasty little tub of Hormel Compleats Cheese Manicotti with Actual Meat Sauce and Spicy Black Flecks That Are Probably Cracked Peppercorns.

My summer activity schedule: Eat, watch a movie, fall asleep, repeat.

Happy Sunday to you and yours from Howdygram headquarters! With yoooge pride and delight I’d like to announce that I’M FINALLY ON A NORMAL SLEEP SCHEDULE, having officially conked out last night at 11:30 p.m. and waking this morning at 7. Even better, after a decent amount of really solid sleep I would also like to announce that my knees feel fine, I have no neuropathy pain whatsoever, and — best of all — I get to eat leftover Chinese for breakfast today! With a plastic fork!

Hey ... did you miss me?

I apologize sincerely if you’ve been hanging out in cyberspace, depressed, despondent and desperately waiting for my next Howdygram post. The fact is, I got caught up in a variety of other activities that required my attention but didn’t involve typing, which I’ll list for you below in neat, subtitled paragraphs. (I have a fondness for neat, subtitled paragraphs.) Thank you.

I deserve a Chipotle burrito for dinner tonight.

Know what? I’m a nervous wreck and I’M SICK TO DEATH OF POLITICS. For the last 48 hours I’ve been unsubscribing from email lists and backing away from national news websites. I don’t want to read any more about Donald Trump’s asshole V.P. picks, his feuds, his idiotic conspiracy theories and his stupid fucking rampages on Twitter. No kidding, I’M DONE WITH THIS. And I don’t want any local news in the Howdygram, either, unless it’s some home-grown bullshit here in Texas involving a fight at the Waffle House or a couple of Einsteins trying to drive off with a Wells Fargo ATM machine.

Everything you need to know about The Big Slipper Attack Hoo-Hah of 2016.

Hi-do-ho and happy Wednesday to you and yours! The world’s most adorable husband just got home from his weekly Costco excursion, and while Sam (the aforementioned adorable husband) refills our refrigerator with teeny tacos and assorted other whatnots I thought this might be a fine time to dive into today’s Howdygram post.

Yesterday was the worst day of my life.

No kidding, it really was THE WORST. I was sick as a dog, shivering, shaking, aching from head to toe and severely hypothermic with a body temperature of 95.1°. And if that’s not enough ... the skin on the back of both thighs was so horrible and raw that I couldn’t sit comfortably anywhere, including at my own desk in the study; my bleeding rash is back; and I whined and cried every time I tried to move. I was a wreck. I tried several times to write a Howdygram post but couldn’t get past the first sentence, so I gave up altogether and bought a few nice digital files from Etsy.com and ordered dinner from King China. (I love their dumplings.)

It’s never too soon to teach your kids how to write coherent and meaningful thank you notes.

Know what? I’m NOT having a good day today, and to tell you the truth it’s been downright shitty due to all kinds of pain. I’ve got knee pain, severe pain in my left heel and most of the toes on my left foot, burning skin from diabetic neuropathy and a brand new batch of horrible leaking pressure sores on the back of both thighs. At times today — such as RIGHT NOW — this crap has been almost unbearable. I just thought you’d want to know, and here’s my latest Shit-O-Meter readout in case you care [click here for more details]. Thank you.

Suggested drinking game keywords for tonight’s GOP debate include “dick size,” “steaks,” “liar” and “con man.”

Hi. While I wait for my morning medications to kick in I promised myself I wouldn’t begin this Howdygram post with another detailed description of my chronic pain issues, which includes relentless leaking pressure sores on the back of both thighs, a bleeding rash, arthritic knees and diabetic peripheral neuropathy in both goddamn feet. So I won’t mention them, okay?

Diabetics need chocolate, too.

Good morning and a happy, sunny Friday from your friends at Howdygram headquarters! It’s a little on the chilly side around here today (only 39° at 10 a.m.) but we’re expecting such a glorious warm-up that I’m willing to tolerate an extra sweater for a day or two. Here’s a screenshot of our latest 10-day forecast to make you jealous.

Although I’m not exactly sick, I’m not really well, either.

To my regular readers who’ve been wondering if I’m dead or alive over here at Howdygram headquarters, I am most certainly alive. I think. It’s been four whole days since my last post, an activity I’ve been putting off for a variety of personal reasons that I’ll share below in neat little subtitled paragraphs. Thank you.

Camouflaged, heavily-armed morons take over a vacant federal gift shop in Oregon.

I will begin today’s post with a pain report because I’M HAVING A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN HERE. The big hoo-hah revolves around the open pressure sores on the back of my thighs and the fact that I can’t do anything without making them worse. I’ve had them for more than a year, and when I saw Dr. M the week before Christmas she said she’d arrange for a visiting nurse to treat these for me at home. Today, at last, the process is finally underway and I’ll be dealing with the nice people at Cardinal Home Healthcare. (Trust me ... nothing makes you feel like a senior citizen faster than qualifying for a visiting nurse.)

An ode to drugs, “Columbo,” frozen food and Sam. (Not necessarily in that order.)

There are a million things wrong with me tonight, and that’s a conservative estimate. They include: 1) severe joint pain due to not taking my meds five hours ago while I was asleep in the family room watching “Columbo” DVDs; 2) a persistent low-grade fever; 3) pain in my left heel; 4) chills, body aches, a nasty rash and a relentless yet aggravating urge to pish, all the result of item number two; 5) a dull headache; and 6) shortness of breath. Put them all together and you get FUCK THIS SHIT!

I want my little plastic cup back.

It’s a pleasant, mostly cloudy Monday morning here at Howdygram headquarters. At 8:05 a.m. I’ve already been awake for nearly three hours due to a hypoglycemic (low blood sugar) episode that woke me from a sound sleep with a variety of irritating warning signs. These include not being able to breathe, double vision, shaky hands, dizziness and a severe craving for sugar. Just another sparkling day in Diabetesland, where I lead a jam-packed life filled with insulin, needles, chronic kidney disease and neuropathy pain.

Even diabetics get attacked by a sweet tooth once in a while.

I was supposed to have an appointment this morning with my cardiologist, Dr. Singh, pictured at right in his best hat. It was just a routine six-month checkup thing to make sure my meds are working nicely (they are) and I’m still alive (I am). I do have one heart-related complaint, however: I’M ALWAYS SHORT OF BREATH. This began a few months ago as an occasional side effect ... and now I have to deal with it almost all the time. I have atrial fibrillation.