Senior citizens try to get a grip on the twenty-first century.

My project du jour, which I just finished, involved choosing and organizing cards for my 2018 birthday card list. I design my own greeting cards and order them from my store on Zazzle, mailing about 45 altogether throughout the year to relatives and friends. They’re fucking adorable even if I say so myself, and I’ve got some of the funniest cards on the Internet. I sell a lot of them. Of course I’d be even happier if YOU bought a few, but what the hell … do whatever you want, okay? Some of my designs appear below for your possible interest.

How many of you didn’t realize, like me, that Thanksgiving is only one week from today?

It’s the wee hours of Thursday morning here at Howdygram headquarters. Sam is in bed and I’m wide awake with pain issues. These include: 1) burning and pinching skin pain on the back of my thighs; 2) a bleeding blister on the back of my left thigh; 3) a rotten rash in a variety of locations that are none of your business; and 4) I can’t think of anything else at the moment but you’ll be the first to know if this changes, okay? In the meantime I think I’ll just sit here and whine for a while.

Somewhere in Mesquite tonight there’s a needy family enjoying our old Sony TV.

I guess you’ve probably noticed my chic new blog logo, right? I’ve actually been dicking around with the Howdygram’s various artistic elements for more than two weeks until finally settling on the overall “look” you’re enjoying right now. I’m finally happy, people. Yee-haw!

News bulletin: Dish Network does home theater installations on Sundays!

Good morning, boys and girls! It’s 5:40 a.m., Sam just left for work and I’m polishing off a tasty little tub of Hormel Compleats Cheese Manicotti with Actual Meat Sauce and Spicy Black Flecks That Are Probably Cracked Peppercorns.

If Sam accidentally watches a Carmen Miranda movie he could have a brain hemorrhage.

Here for your possible interest are FOUR EXCELLENT THINGS that happened at Howdygram headquarters since Sam’s been in California.

A tale of dead taste buds and bursting blood blisters.

Hello, what’s new and happy Thursday from Howdygram headquarters! Today in the wee hours of the morning my various and sundry chronic health complaints include: 1) dead taste buds due to diabetic neuropathy; 2) severe knee pain; 3) a headache; and 4) BURSTING BLOOD BLISTERS on the back of my left thigh because pressure sores apparently aren’t disgusting enough. I DON’T NEED THIS, PEOPLE. As a matter of fact, I’m feeling mighty lousy right now and probably should put my feet up and watch one of the excellent movies stored on our DVR. I’m thinking Hayley Mills or The Martian (2015) starring Matt Damon. Or maybe BOTH!

You don’t have to be a breathing fossil to sign up for Consumer Cellular.

I’ve got a number of significant news items to share with you this morning. As per my usual style I’ll present them to you in neatly-subtitled paragraphs. You’re welcome.

Everybody at DirecTV is a stinking psychopath.

You know what? I really didn’t plan to write about this again [see previous post] but I saw a news item online yesterday that changed my mind. Ready for this? Former Texas Governor Rick “Dumbass” Perry will join Marcia Brady (Maureen McCormick), Vanilla Ice and disgraced Olympian Ryan Lochte on season 23 of ABC-TV’s “Dancing with the Total Losers.” I honestly can’t think of anything more likely to make me puke than Rick Perry — or douchebag Ryan Lochte either, for that matter! — in sequined pants trying to do the mambo. Holy crap.