Yo, shalom, howdy and happy Monday from Howdygram headquarters! It’s another cold and cloudy day here, following three months of
more cold and cloudy days. Texas is definitely sick of winter. Yesterday we even had a small ICE STORM, which melted by mid-day due to a brief period of sunshine and an afternoon high that hit 50°. We’re all looking ahead to Wednesday with a high in the 60s and a steady spring warm-up every day thereafter. We even have thunderstorms in the forecast. At last!
I apologize for my absence last week. I was experiencing some “comfort” issues (please
write if you think you need more information) sitting at my desk in the study, and at the present time there’s no other way for me to work on the Howdygram if I’m not seated at my desk. Therefore a couple of days ago I asked Sam if I could buy myself a laptop — most likely a used MacBook or MacBook Pro — so I can work on my blog from other locations in the house, such as the family room. He agreed. His first suggestion, of course, was why won’t I consider a cheap PC laptop instead, which prompted me to shriek “FUCK NO” due to never touching anything except a Mac since the first little black & white 128K classic first hit the market in 1984. Unfortunately, until half an hour ago I never realized how expensive Mac laptops are. Even
used Mac laptops. But the best prices and deals (believe it or not!) are available on
Apple.com …
and even include a one-year warranty! I’ll let you know when I finally decide to make a purchase.
And now for some news and commentary from the 2018 PyeongChang Olympics! We’ll begin today with FIGURE SKATING, since those are pretty much the only events Sam and I watch with any regularity. It appears that Canada’s
PATRICK CHAN (is it just
me, or this dude actually CROSS-EYED?) received ridiculously high scores from the judges after landing on his ass numerous times during two routines … even though adorable American skater
ADAM RIPPON, the openly-gay athlete who refused to talk to Vice President Mike Pence, was fucking FLAWLESS and had way better costumes.
In addition, 17-year-old goofball
RED GERARD won gold in the snowboard “slopestyle” event and promptly shrieked “HOLY FUCK” on international television. It was a proud moment for American athletes, especially after his parents commented that Red’s grades in high school completely suck because they can’t get their little nitwit to stop screwing around in the snow.
Whose fault is THAT?
Our nation can also be proud of
CHRIS MAZDZER, the American who won a silver medal Saturday on the luge. In a brief interview afterwards he told NBC, “I know my value as a human now and what I can give to the world.”
Jesus. You didn’t win a Nobel prize, Chris. You’re sliding downhill on a goddamn SLED.
And one final note concerning
commercials. There were two new slogans that left us speechless and thoroughly confused. General Electric’s “People are why we do things” and Coca Cola’s “Taste the feeling.” WTF?
P.S. — I really, really miss Bob Costas.
A few news briefs from Howdygram headquarters.
DROPPING LIKE FLIES. There have already been 63 flu deaths in Dallas County this year. That’s a LOT. You really can’t fuck around with the flu!
STILL WAITING FOR MY NEW SPECTACLES. It’s been two weeks since I had my eyes examined and ordered two pairs of new glasses. If they don’t come in the mail tomorrow I’ll have to call
Mobile Vision and whine.
IN CASE YOU DIDN’T KNOW ... I
bleed a lot. Diabetes has left me with very weird and fragile skin all over my body, and even the slightest scrape or itch leaves me looking for napkins or paper towels to mop myself up. It’s disgusting, frightening and extremely unpleasant, and it happens way too often. (Almost daily, actually.)
Thank you for reading this and I hope you’ll do your best to remember the Alamo.
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