Today’s Shit-O-Meter pain report reflects an improvement over Saturday, Sunday and Monday.

I’ll begin this post with a simple statement: FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! This is due to intense pain in my left heel — a combination of diabetic neuropathy, plantar fasciitis and another bleeding blister on the bottom — plus arthritis in both knees. I’m a complete mess right now, a fact that’s being underscored by a urinary tract infection with uncontrollable peeing and a low-grade fever. I’ve had the infection for more than a week already. Even though I have an appointment to see my primary on September 6, I don’t think I can wait that long for relief so Sam said he’d talk to her office for me today and be my advocate. My dilemma? I need an antibiotic prescription but there’s no way I can see the doctor sooner than September 6 because I have to reserve transportation on the Mesquite senior citizen transit bus TWO WEEKS IN ADVANCE!

Diabetics such as yours truly have shitty immune systems and even shittier kidneys, and as a result we end up with UTIs all the goddamn time. Bottom line: I NEED AN ANTIBIOTIC, AND I NEED IT TODAY. Stay tuned for additional developments but please feel free to resume your normal activities in the meantime. Thank you.

SAM TO THE RESCUE. He did it! Sam drove over to Baylor Mesquite, spoke to my primary’s nurse and explained the situation. He asked for a pee-pee cup from the lab, said he’d be right back and drove home so I could fill it. Turns out I do have a serious urinary tract infection, the doctor prescribed Bactrim, and Wal-Mart filled the prescription 15 minutes later. I’m on the road to recovery!

For your possible interest the following Shit-O-Meter pain report reflects an improvement over Saturday, Sunday and Monday, all of which were a level 10 readout. This morning I’m only a 7, and that includes intense pain on the inside of my left thigh that’s making it nearly impossible to walk without crying. I’m unable to figure out what the fuck is causing this. It’s like somebody whacked me with a baseball bat … but there’s NO BRUISE!

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And now for a statement about the impact of Hurricane Harvey in the Dallas area: NOPE. Our first and only chance for “Harvey” rain won’t show up until Wednesday this week, as evidenced by the following map that I off-loaded from The Weather Channel. On Wednesday we have a 30% chance of showers. (I’ll believe it when I see it.)

This should put to rest any panicky inquiries about Dallas’ proximity to flooded Houston (242 miles; add an extra 20 miles to the Gulf of Mexico). And to our concerned and sometimes hysterical friends and relatives, Howdygram Headquarters is receiving NO DIRECT IMPACT WHATSOEVER from Hurricane Harvey except for it being very cloudy here and a 30% chance of showers on Wednesday.

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As I write this post Sam is on his way to Deli News in north Dallas, a New York-style deli of epic proportions. He’s bringing home lunch sandwiches — mine is a #4 triple-decker hoo-hah with pastrami, chopped liver, tomato and Russian dressing on rye — plus two meat knishes and a couple of juicy half-sour pickles just for the hell of it. THIS IS SO FUCKING EXCITING I CAN HARDLY STAND IT! I think it’s been about ten years since I’ve eaten at a Jewish deli, and that was probably Brent’s in Northridge, California, when my in-laws were both still alive and Sam and I were saying adiós to our relatives before we moved to Texas in June 2007.

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I’d better sign off now. It’s getting late (Sam should be here with our big sack of food by 11:30) and I’m feeling crazy/droopy/overly-medicated right now. I wanted to include a Putz of the Week and a large herd of free fonts but I’m not sure I’ll have the time to finish all that as I need to get started on Tuesday’s schedule: PEE. SLEEP. EAT. REPEAT. It’s a helluva life, isn’t it?