You should always listen to your stomach.

Shalom, y’all. We’ve got a damp and dismal Saturday here, which is no surprise whatsoever when you stop to consider Friday night. In a word, it was LOUD AND WET (okay, three words), and I’m thinking we probably got at least an inch of rain along with three hours of thunder, lightning, rattling window screens and wind. (A lot of wind.)

End of weather report. (You’re welcome.)

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It’s 10 a.m. and Sam is on his way to Lowe’s to buy weird wrenches so he can tighten the bolts on my shitty desk chair and to Dollar Tree on Town East Boulevard for the products pictured below that I found on their website this week. Sam is buying one of each so I can give them a test drive. I’m actually way too excited about this. SLOPPY JOE SAUCE FOR ONE STINKING BUCK!

In the event you’d like to follow along with Sam’s Saturday errands, here’s a handy map with everything you need to know: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) Lowe’s at Barnes Bridge and Galloway; and C) Dollar Tree, which is located next to Town East Mall.

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In case your day wouldn’t be complete without another medical update, I’M FEELING RUNDOWN AND CRAPPY AGAIN, but this time I know it’s fatigue from two major hypoglycemic episodes yesterday. The lousier of the two happened last night after dinner due to injecting too much insulin and not consuming enough carbs. Ten minutes after I finished eating — a nice little pile of homemade ham salad on a Walmart paper plate — I got dizzy, clammy, nauseated and started to shake. Thank God Sam once talked me into keeping a jar of glucose tablets in every room of the house! I had to eat a dozen before I started to feel human again, after which I dragged myself over to the chaise and conked out for an hour and a half. Last night’s official nap movie was Murder, She Said (1961) starring Margaret Rutherford.

For what it’s worth, I’m still feeling fatigued today, too, which explains why I needed two three-hour naps, I haven’t accomplished ANYTHING and it’s already after 7 p.m. Sad, isn’t it?

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In my last post I promised a Putz of the Week today, and here it is! This time we’re focusing on right-wing poster child Mike Huckabee, a former preacher, governor, failed Republican presidential candidate and anti-gay zealot. A couple of days ago, seriously exasperated by the Supreme Court’s decision not to hear appeals of lower court rulings striking down gay marriage bans in several states, Huckabee declared that all Supreme Court decisions are horseshit and only Congress can pass “enabling legislation” signed by the President.

While none of this is remotely accurate, at least Huckabee is true to form and continues his free-fall off the right-wing cliff. A few days ago he also said Americans should doubt U.S. officials giving the public information about Ebola because of — wait for it — BENGHAZI!

In a recent interview Huckabee explained that we need to SAVE AMERICA FROM THE GAYS, whose agenda has again been forced upon innocent, unsuspecting bigots. All we need, said Huckabee, are hero governors who aren’t afraid to do a little patriotic anarchy. “What I’m hoping will happen is that somewhere there will be a governor who will simply say, ‘No, I’m not going to enforce that.’ In fact, we’re going to say to county clerks across our state, YOU’RE NOT GOING TO ISSUE MARRIAGE LICENSES!”

And earlier this week Huckabee appeared on a morning broadcast of the American Family Association’s radio show, where he threatened to leave the Republican Party if the GOP doesn’t take a stand against the Supreme Court’s decision to clear the way for marriage equality. Furious, Huckabee declared that “I am utterly exasperated with Republicans and the so-called leadership of the Republicans who have abdicated on this issue” and warned that “the GOP will lose every election in the future. They’re going to lose guys like me and a whole bunch of still God-fearing, Bible-believing people” if the party does not stand and fight on the issues of gay marriage and abortion. “I’m gone,” Huckabee warned. “I’ll become an independent. I’ll start finding people that have guts to stand. I’m tired of this.”

So according to Huckabee Porky McJesus, the “law” only has to be obeyed if we personally approve of it and state governments can nullify federal laws and court decisions they don’t like. If that’s true, can city and county governments nullify STATE laws they don’t like? Does this principle apply up and down the chain, or do we just have special rules for angry white Republican douchebags now that President Blackenstein is running the show? We already know the answer to that one, Mike. And fuck you very much.

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It’s getting late, my stomach is making alien sounds and I swear it just told me to order Chinese food. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR STOMACH.

Thank you.