Yo, everybody. Before I mosey into the family room for some late-night TV with Sam there’s huge news I want to share even though it was plastered all over the Internet today and you probably already know: DOUCHEBAG MICHAEL DUNN GETS LIFE IN PRISON WITHOUT PAROLE. No kidding and holy crap, this actually made me smile. RUSSELL STOVER SUGAR-FREE MARSHMALLOW PUMPKINS FOR EVERYBODY!
For those of you unfamiliar with this story, in November 2012 Dunn shot and killed 17-year-old Jordan Davis, who was unarmed, for playing loud “thug music” in his car. Dunn, 47, a software engineer, testified at his murder trial last month that he thought he was defending himself from an (imaginary) armed threat when he fired 10 rounds at an SUV carrying four teens at a Jacksonville, Florida, gas station parking lot. Then Dunn just drove home, ordered a pizza, walked his dog and fell asleep. HE NEVER CALLED 911 OR REPORTED THE INCIDENT TO POLICE. The jury convicted him almost immediately for being an entitled white asshole and tacked on an additional 90 years to his life sentence without parole.
In a statement today in court to the victim’s family Dunn offered a pathetic non-apology that ended with the sentence: “If I could roll back time and do things differently, I would. But I was in fear for my life and I did what I thought I had to do.”
Go to hell, Michael Dunn. And good luck with those thugs in prison.
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