I started taking Lasix again this morning. It’s a nuclear-powered diuretic.

Yo, guys! I honestly meant to write a Howdygram post for the last two days but got caught up with other activities … including all of the following.

Times Roman makes me want to puke.

WEDNESDAY MORNING, 8:45 A.M. Hi-de-ho, friends. It’s a balmy morning, Sam is outside on the patio with a pot of coffee, and I’m in the study trying to adjust to using a new browser (Safari). Ever since our new iMacs were installed a few weeks ago I’d been experiencing a never-ending list of irritating issues with Firefox — frozen screens, videos that don’t play, URLs that refuse to load, etc. — so when Sam told me he read recently that Firefox is no longer compatible with the latest Mac OS I finally knew it was time for me to move on. So I’m trying to work with Safari.

I’ve been dicking around with the Howdygram again.

It’s a beautiful Friday morning here at Howdygram headquarters, and Sam just unpacked the new LED desk lamp that I ordered from Amazon. IT’S GORGEOUS. For your possible interest here’s a photo with all of the best features labeled with neat little arrows. Sam said he’d plug it in for me next time I’m away from my desk, such as when I take my shower or a nap. Believe it or not, I actually plan to do BOTH within the next half hour or so!

Frankly, you can never have too many woodland animals.

Shalom, good morning and happy Tuesday to you and yours. It’s 3:15 a.m., and for a pleasant change of pace I’ve got Sam here in the study with me! He’s wide awake with a fresh pot of coffee, feeling the after-effects of too many long naps on Monday, and I’m enjoying my usual upside-down “night owl” schedule. Deal with it, okay?

I’m probably the only person in history who gets blisters on the bottom of her feet from sleeping.

Good morning from north Texas, y’all, where we’re expecting a high today of 86° with a shitload of sunshine. This would be acceptable summer weather anywhere in the world, but here in Texas it’s still very early spring, so I’d be willing to bet we’re our way to record-breaking heat this year. Not necessarily hotter than usual ... but a lot more 100°+ days.

I’ve been dicking around with the Howdygram again.

It’s 4:15 Wednesday morning here at Howdygram headquarters and I haven’t been to bed yet, although for four solid hours (from 10:30 last night till 2:30 a.m.) I was sprawled out on the chaise in the family room watching and sleeping through a couple of my favorite movies, namely The Rains Came (1939) starring George Brent, Tyrone Power and Myrna Loy, and The Seven Year Itch (1955) starring Tom Ewell and Marilyn Monroe.

I’ll gladly provide more information on a need-to-know basis.

Yo from Howdygram headquarters! It’s a spectacular and balmy springtime afternoon that’s bursting with sunshine ... and once again I’m at my desk in the study with a bowl of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup that definitely isn’t hot enough, but what the hell. Also some saltine crackers.

Do almonds have nipples?

Wednesday was a banner day here at Howdygram headquarters. Extraordinary. Unforgettable. Unprecedented. It was AN ALL-DAY SENIOR CITIZEN CYBER SHOPPING SPREE, and my purchases included all of the following ... with explanations wherever necessary. Thank you.

Watching TV is a totally amazing, theater-quality experience now. Pass the popcorn.

Good morning to y’all from the carefree, wide-open spaces of north Texas!  At the moment I’m enjoying a favorite senior citizen breakfast — Lipton Cup-a-Soup and a can of diet ginger ale — while I get hysterical about all the excellent movies I’m recording today, tomorrow and Thursday on TCM. I will list them for you below. The red stars denote my personal favorites. Thank you.

This week’s “do” list and other silly baloney.

I seriously thought I wanted to spend all day designing can coolers for The Howdygram Store but an uncontrollable urge to type things commandeered my brain ... SO HERE I AM!

Today is Shitty John Wayne Westerns Day on Turner Classic Movies.

Oy, it’s 3:45 Thursday morning and I’m wide awake. WIDE AWAKE! I made the decision to lie down on the chaise after my shower last night at 11:30 due to being dizzy and immediately slept through Run Silent Run Deep (1958) starring Clark Gable and Burt Lancaster. I missed the whole damn thing, even that scene where the screaming sailor — yes, the cute one — gets squashed by a falling torpedo. (It could give you nightmares.) Fortunately, when Sam shuffled off to bed at 2:30 I decided to transfer my carcass into the study to take my bedtime pills, shoot many units of insulin and write the Howdygram post that I clearly didn’t find time for on Wednesday.

Today I’m giving away free waterproof fonts for a rainy Wednesday morning.

I have to type this Howdygram post as fast as I can before the pain kicks in. It’s 8:45 a.m. — and I actually feel not too lousy right now — but I know it won’t last for three reasons: 1) it NEVER lasts; 2) it’s a day of the week ending in “y”; and 3) it’s raining here, and my joints ALWAYS hurt when it rains! In case you give a crap, here’s a screen shot of our forecast from Weather.com. Naturally, Sam is flying home from Seattle tomorrow.

If you eliminate politics from your blog during an election year you’re pretty much left with nothing.

I desperately wanted a cheeseburger last night when Sam got home from work ... and I got my wish! Sam made it for me all by himself with a Costco tasty frozen pre-grilled Angus beef patty and a matching jumbo bun from Wal-Mart. I like mine with melty pepper jack cheese, ketchup, dill pickle chips, a decent slab of tomato if we have one. Also once in a while a little mayonnaise. You know, like on a Whopper. I have a nice life.

I’m ready to weather the storm with a box of teeny tacos and a favorite Myrna Loy movie.

It’s 10:15 Friday morning and Sam is on his way to Costco for a trunkload of our favorite speedy meals. This includes teeny tacos and breakfast burritos (both pictured below), chicken flautas, little tubs of spicy guacamole and instant oatmeal cups. Although I’m pretty sure you don’t give a crap about any of this, Costco is very important to Howdygram headquarters and I, for one, wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I didn’t have teeny tacos in the house. Thank you.

Two dead celebrities and six exciting tote bags.

Know how I amuse myself when Sam isn’t around and tthere’s much nothing to do? I design tote bags for The Howdygram Store on Zazzle! Yesterday and today I added the following six bags to the store’s growing collection. You should consider buying a few for early Hanukkah presents. Are these cute, or what?

I must be dangerously un-American because I don’t give a crap about the Super Bowl.

It’s Sunday night and we’re not watching the Super Bowl. We don’t like the Super Bowl here at Howdygram headquarters. In fact, we’re not even too thrilled about professional football in general because brain trauma, the game takes fucking FOREVER and everybody’s named DeWayne, DeMarcus or DeHoo-Hah. I don’t even give a shit about the Super Bowl commercials or who’s rocking at half-time. I must be dangerously un-American because I don’t give a crap about ANY of this.

McDonald’s latest fiasco? A “nutrient-rich” kale salad with more fat and calories than a double Big Mac.

Happy Saturday morning from partly cloudy, slightly chilly north Texas, home of Howdygram headquarters, where I’ve decided to spend my entire day involved in the four exciting activities listed here: 1) taking prescription painkillers; 2) sleeping a lot due to item one; 3) designing thankyou notes for my new Zazzle store; and 4) playing with Sam because he’s on vacation and doesn’t have to go back to work until February 15.

We’re a pair of latke-lovers who don’t celebrate Christmas.

Happy Wednesday night to you and yours. It’s already December 23 — mark your calendar! — and only two days until Christmas just in case you’re a doofus who hasn’t bought any presents yet. Sam and I have no worries whatsoever in this department because: 1) Santa sucks; 2) we don’t drown things with tinsel; 3) we don’t buy presents for goyim; and 4) we’re a pair of latke-lovers who don’t celebrate Christmas. GET OVER IT ALREADY!

Donald Trump and Canadian Ted Cruz have the most punchable faces in the GOP.

Something is seriously wrong with me this afternoon. I’m at my desk in the study, extremely thirsty, drifting in and out of consciousness, nodding off, knocking my cordless mouse on the floor three times and fantasizing about going to bed for a long nap. However an even better place would be the chaise in the family room because at least I could enjoy one of my favorite sleeping movies, such as The Rains Came (1939) starring Myrna Loy, George Brent and Tyrone Power or The Kennel Murder Case (1933) starring William Powell and Mary Astor. I have a large variety of excellent sleeping movies stored on our DVR. I highly recommend this. Please let me know if you’d like a list of my movie suggestions, okay?

Marcy the Movie Maven recommends ...

Hi, people. Before I forget, please allow Marcy the Movie Maven to recommend a bunch of terrific films this week because TCM is offering tributes to Edna May Oliver (November 9) and William Powell and Myrna Loy (November 10) in addition to a few good Norma Shearer whatnots from the early 1930s (also November 10). Ready, set ... RECORD!