Former President Jimmy Carter is the genuine article.

If you’re a regular Howdygram reader you already know by now that I’m no fan of the religious right, always whining about “persecution” while shoving their brand of artificial pseudo-Christian hate down America’s throat. Based on what I see from their warped displays of faith, therefore, I’m more than willing to accept that former President Jimmy Carter is the genuine article. He doesn’t look for publicity and he doesn’t spew any idiotic anti-woman, anti-minority, anti-gay, Obama-is-the-antichrist horseshit; instead, very quietly, last week President Carter — at age 90! — was here in Dallas for three days helping to build 35 new houses with Habitat for Humanity, something he and Rosalynn have done together all over the U.S. (and around the world) as a Christian ministry for the last 30 years.

Since leaving office in 1981 Carter has also: 1) authored 28 books; 2) been a Distinguished Professor at Emory University; 3) founded the Carter Center, which addresses national and international public policy issues to resolve conflict, promote democracy, protect human rights and prevent disease; and 4) continues to teach Sunday school every week at a little Baptist church in Plains, Georgia. He’s quite a guy, people. JIMMY CARTER ROCKS.

By contrast, let’s list everything former President George Dubya Bush has accomplished since leaving office six years ago, shall we? He has: 1) moved into a multi-million dollar fortress at 10141 Daria Place in Preston Hollow, Dallas’ snootiest neighborhood; 2) painted 27 mediocre dog portraits; and 3) attended three Texas A&M football games with Rick Perry. As a matter of fact, Bush didn’t even bother to welcome the Carters to Dallas last week. What a loser.

In case you’re interested the property right next door to Dubya’s house is on the market! You get a 30,000 square foot mansion on 25 acres of land with a tennis court, a basketball court, 11 fireplaces, 9½ baths (those cheapskates; why not 10?), an Olympic-size pool, garage space for 12 cars and more than adequate housing out in back for slaves who tend the grounds and prune trees. Asking price: only $125 million.

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It’s 11:15 p.m. and Sam called a few minutes ago to let me know he’ll be home REALLY REALLY LATE from work tonight, maybe two or three hours from now, so I guess this means I’ll just mosey into the family room ALL BY MYSELF for some TV and crunchy things in bags. Or maybe corn dogs.

Thank you for reading this.