The toe has survived. Send presents.

I haven’t been sleeping well lately — mostly in teeny spurts, like two hours at a time — and last night was no different. Strangely enough, though, I haven’t been very inspired to write Howdygram posts while I sit around here doing nothing (I didn’t write one yesterday) but I hope to make up for it RIGHT NOW with a bunch of stimulating baloney. Thank you.

I had an appointment yesterday morning with my podiatrist, Dr. A, who whacked off the miserable-looking nail on my injured big toe [see previous post], wrapped the toe in a large bandage and then launched into a tirade of evil shit about President Obama, which has actually been a key downside of every visit to this office for the last six years. Next time I might have to kick the shit out of him with my good foot and find myself another podiatrist. I’m serious. In the meantime, however, the following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) my podiatrist’s office; and C) China City, a local dive with fine Chinese food. (Thank God they deliver. I’m too scared to go inside, which is a salient point that you’ll understand momentarily.)

Because inquiring minds want to know, I’ll include a couple of photos that correspond to the map posted above. (These are actually screenshots from Google.)

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Know what? WE’RE EXPECTING A SHITLOAD OF WEATHER HERE. Weather.com is forecasting a cold front (finally), big thunderstorms and heavy rain tonight and tomorrow with more of the same on Monday.

This is VERY GOOD NEWS, people, because we need the rain and we need the cooler weather. For the last couple of weeks Dallas has felt more like summer than fall and we even broke the record on Wednesday with a daytime high of 98°. The following screaming lunatic will provide additional details. (Check out the teeth.)

I desperately need a nap and food as soon as possible but not necessarily in that order. I’ll be back later with more important news and a Putz of the Week.