I’m freezing. I usually shower every night at bedtime, but I’m so damn cold right now I might have to take the plunge before dinner and then point the hair dryer at my entire body to warm up when I’m done. Holy crap ... this whole “winter” thing is really PISSING ME OFF and it’s only the middle of November.
The Howdygram would like to issue this public service announcement concerning the complete line of semi-crappy fake-Mexican products distributed by Ortega and Las Palmas brands nationwide. Apparently B&G Foods is recalling millions of Ortega Taco Kits, Ortega Taco Seasoning packets and a really large pile of taco and enchilada sauces because their labeling magically neglected to include a warning about LIFE-THREATENING PEANUTS AND ALMONDS, which can cause DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, EBOLA, BRAIN ANEURYSMS and MASS HYSTERIA, thereby ruining an otherwise perfectly swell tailgate party.
An Ortega spokesman stated there are no health risks associated with these products for individuals without nut allergies, to which we reply: WELL, DUH.
For additional information about this recall you should visit
Ortega’s website and then commence cleaning out your pantry. Thank you.
I have a highly satisfying update to
yesterday’s post about 24-Hour Fitness. This morning Sam drove over to confront the manager of our local gym here in Mesquite, who apologized for what happened, canceled Sam’s membership and and processed a refund of his December fee. PROBLEM SOLVED WITH NO BLOODSHED OR ARRESTS! Sam, pictured at right, is well-known around here as a talented and shockingly good-looking negotiator who gets results like this ALL THE TIME. My forté is writing complaint letters; Sam always wins in person and on the phone. Are we a formidable team, or
what?
For your possible interest the following map indicates the location of 24-Hour Fitness in relation to: A) Howdygram headquarters; and B) the Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market where Sam buys all of my braunschweiger, dill pickles and insulin.
And now, dear readers, it’s time to shower, eat a plate of leftover Chinese food and get on with my life. Tonight’s television entertainment will include the latest episode of “People’s Court” and the second half of
Giant (1956) starring Rock Hudson and Elizabeth Taylor. A large volume of popcorn is a distinct possibility.
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