Ancient diseases are still the scariest diseases.

Happy Sunday morning to one and all. I have no special agenda today except for a great deal of laundry and watching Sam open and unpack a week’s worth of deliveries from Amazon and Wal-Mart so we can get all that awesome crap put away. Other than that we’ll either be: 1) sleeping; or 2) eating things. We have a very uncomplicated life.

---

Answer me a question, okay? WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN THE ROOF OF YOUR MOUTH ITCHES? I’m accepting possible answers, comments, snide remarks and best guesses via email for the next three hours. Thank you very much.

---

I’ve got breaking news this morning from our Ancient Diseases Are Still the Scariest Diseases department. Fuck Ebola ... apparently there’s an outbreak of the “Black Death” — BUBONIC PLAGUE — currently underway in Madagascar! The World Health Organization warns that 40 people have died, 119 additional cases are confirmed, and the disease will probably spread fast in the country’s densely-populated capital of Antananarivo.

But wait, there’s more! Two percent of the latest plague cases are the pneumonic strain, which is probably the deadliest infectious disease on earth with a very high mortality rate. Plague affects rats and is spread by fleas; humans catch the disease when they’re bitten by an infected flea. The situation in Madagascar is especially shitty due to fleas being resistant to insecticides. On a more cheerful historical note, in the Middle Ages plague wiped out one-third of Europe’s population.

---

Holy crap, people ... I HAVE A NEW PAIN TODAY! In case you’re interested, I think I twisted my left hip getting up off the chaise last night in the family room. Today it feels like I’ve been exercising — which is a dirty LIE — and it hurts to walk, breathe, sit, move my leg, lift the remote and type. The only known cure for this condition would be pizza.

Thank you for reading this.