Fuck America’s new favorite phrase: “Paid administrative leave.”

I knew it was too good be true, guys. All that drought-busting rain we were promised today [see post] keeps getting pushed back in two-hour increments. According to the latest bullshit from Weather.com, the downpour we expected this morning at 9 is now rescheduled for midnight tonight. I thought meteorology was a science. Why is it so damn hard for these clowns to predict routine weather?

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Since I’m already crabby (please reread the last paragraph) and more than ready to smack a few people with my cane, I’d like to take minute or two to launch into another tirade about Dr. M’s loser nurse. You know, the one who keeps screwing up my prescriptions [see post].

So here’s the fiasco du jour. This morning Sam picks up my Lantus insulin refill from Wal-Mart and comes home with a teeny paper bag. Even before I look inside I know that somebody fucked this up because Lantus insulin pens are sold five to a box, and a 90-day supply at my dosage requires seven boxes of pens. Wal-Mart gave me THREE. I call the pharmacy to yell at somebody and find out that Dr. M’s office PRESCRIBED THE WRONG DOSE, which means I wound up with not enough pens and I’ll run out of insulin after five weeks instead of 12. Holy crap, right?

Even though the aforementioned nurse is a loser, however, at least she’s a RESPONSIVE loser. I sent her an email, she contacted the pharmacy immediately to correct the prescription, and Sam will be able to pick up the rest of my insulin pens tomorrow providing I can convince him to shlep over to Wal-Mart for the third day in a row. (This won’t be easy. Sex may be involved.)

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As long as I’m on a roll, I’m mad about ANOTHER thing, too. This time it’s a story I saw on Gawker.com about a 14-year-old high school girl in Stockton, California, being physically abused by her swimming teacher, a jackass named Denny Peterson, who tried to drag her into the pool while she screamed and fought for him to let go of her. It’s probably the most disturbing thing I’ve ever seen, but not quite as disturbing as America’s brand new favorite phrase: “PAID ADMINISTRATIVE LEAVE.” Even after the school district saw the following video, THEIR ONLY RESPONSE WAS TO REWARD THIS SHITBAG WITH A SALARIED VACATION.

The girl’s family has hired a lawyer, who is seen here telling a News 10 reporter that anyone watching this video should be disgusted by “the way this man put his hands on a 14-year-old girl.” He’s right, and I hope the parents make a fortune from this. No means no. YOU DON’T DRAG A GIRL ACROSS A STONE FLOOR LIKE A RAG DOLL AND FORCE HER INTO THE WATER! As far as I’m concerned, not wanting to ruin her hair for a special event is a totally valid excuse not to swim, and gym teachers everywhere can all DROP DEAD. Thank you.

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And now, because I’m freezing to death, I think it’s time for a nice hot meal. I’m considering Marcy’s Famous One-Pot Asian Food Feast for Senior Citizens, which is basically a great big kettle of above-average Bear Creek Hot & Sour soup enhanced with a few Howdygram add-ins. You have 15 minutes to let me know if you want to come over for dinner. Reservations are being accepted now by email. Bring your own spoon.