Pancakes, cleavage, pudding and crappy meatballs: How to celebrate Veterans Day.

It’s Monday morning at Howdygram headquarters and I’m pleased to report that Sam finally went to bed at 7:45 a.m. after working almost 24 straight hours, nearly half of it downtown at the office. Whether or not he actually goes back to work this afternoon remains to be seen because he looks and feels like the walking dead. Shaving might help. Also a nice hot meal.

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Tomorrow, dear readers, is Veterans Day, and restaurants from coast to coast will mark the occasion with A SHITLOAD OF FREE FOOD FOR VETERANS when you present a military I.D. or other proof of service. The Howdygram is pleased to provide this handy-dandy link so you can review the entire roster of participating establishments to plan your dining strategy in advance and get an early start. A partial list appears below for your possible interest.

• Applebee’s
• Baker’s Square
• Bob Evans (free breakfast)
• Bonanza Steakhouse (free buffet with two kinds of pudding)
• California Pizza Kitchen
• Chuck E. Cheese’s (this is worse than serving in Afghanistan)
• Chili’s
• Claim Jumper
• Denny’s (unlimited pancakes)
• Hooter’s (unlimited cleavage)
• Ikea (free plate of crappy meatballs)
• IHOP
• Krispy Kreme
• Lone Star Steakhouse
• Olive Garden
• On the Border
• Outback (complimentary Bloomin’ Onion)
• Red Lobster
• Red Robin
• Texas Land & Cattle
• Texas Roadhouse

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The observant ones among you may have noticed a slight “tweak” to the Howdygram’s banner this morning. In the event you’re not sure what I’m talking about — or simply don’t give a crap — the following illustration will provide all the subtle hints you’ll ever need.

I’m awfully tired right now, so it might be a good idea to stretch out in the family room for a couple of hours until it’s time for lunch. Incidentally, this is basically the cornerstone of my entire life as a retiree: MEALS CONNECTED BY EXTENDED NAPS. I’m getting very, very good at it.