According to a body language expert, Donald Trump wears shoe lifts to increase his height.

I’m past the crisis now, so it’s safe to make the following statement: TODAY WAS ONE OF THE LOUSIEST DAYS OF MY LIFE.

I don’t like Clint Eastwood and I refuse to recommend any of his movies.

It’s August, boys and girls, and time once again for Summer Under the Stars on Turner Classic Movies! TCM features a different movie star every day of the month, giving you a chance to see 24 hours of nonstop Peter Lorre movies (for instance) or maybe Doris Day movies. Here’s TCM’s schedule for the rest of the month, and as each few days approach I’ll let you know which movies you shouldn’t plan to miss under any circumstances. (Do with this information whatever you will ... although watching great TV is the general idea here!)

Don’t miss it … an Andy Hardy movie marathon starts Tuesday night on TCM!

FRIDAY, 6:45 A.M. It’s the crack of dawn here in north Texas and Sam is out for his morning walk at Samuell Park in south Mesquite. As for me, I just finished a juicy breakfast croissant and wrote an email response to the office manager (Kendall) at Elite Mobile Dental.

This is my last night at Baylor Hospital!

SATURDAY, 10:45 A.M., 3/24/2018. Wishing y’all a good and happy Saturday, people! I’ve just finished all the usual daily consultations with my doctor, my cardiologist and my kidney specialist. All three tell me I’m completely and thoroughly ready to go home tomorrow, although none of them was around when I got up to use the commode a couple of hours ago. It was a fucking NIGHTMARE. It took forever for me to stand up, forever to turn around (my feet felt like were breaking in half) and I seriously didn’t think I’d be able to walk 36 inches to the commode. I was even crying at one point, and Sam was miserable trying to figure out how to help me. And when I finished my business with the commode and made it back into bed I had a PANIC ATTACK ... I couldn’t catch my breath and started shivering. It took almost half an hour to recover from that!

There’s nothing as unappealing as a bowl of pulverized pancakes.

FRIDAY, 12:53 P.M., 3/23/2018. So here’s the latest from my luxury suite at Baylor Hospital in Sunnyvale, Texas. I found out this morning that I’m not scheduled to go home until Sunday morning, not Saturday. This was the first time anybody had bothered to explain that I’m on a seven-day antibiotics regimen, and since I was admitted last Sunday morning I won’t be able to leave until this Sunday morning. The day after tomorrow. Can I please KICK THE CRAP out of somebody?!

I started running an unexpected fever again today. They’ll never discharge me on Saturday if I have a fever!

THURSDAY, 1:58 P.M., 3/22/2018. A good and happy Thursday to y’all. I’m still hospitalized, day five. About half an hour ago they put me back on an oxygen cannula due to I was gasping to breathe for no apparent reason, (my oxygen level was 96; my saturation was excellent, too). I feel better wearing the cannula for the moment, however. This may be related to the fact that I had an elevated fever this morning (99.8°) that came out of nowhere, especially since I’ve been stuffed full of high-power intravenous antibiotics since Sunday. Please stay tuned for additional developments, okay? I suspect I’ll be taking breathing treatments later today ...

“Oh, Jerry, don’t let’s ask for the moon. We have the stars!”

THURSDAY, 12:14 A.M., 3/22/2018. Howdy-do, people! It’s just past midnight and I’m comfortably settled in a nice fresh bed with my MacBook Pro, a jug of cherry limeade on ice and Turner Classic Movies. Tonight’s entertainment is including The Way We Were (1973) starring Barbra Streisand and Robert Redford, An Affair to Remember (1957) starring Debra Kerr and Cary Grant, Annie Hall (1977) starring Diane Keaton and Woody Allen, and my all-time personal favorite, Now Voyager (1942) starring Bette Davis, Paul Henreid and Claude Rains. I mean, who could ever forget Bette’s famous line (as Charlotte Vale): “Oh, Jerry, don’t let’s ask for the moon. We have the stars!”

My overall health is at the stage where I need hospital-level medical care at home.

WEDNESDAY, 10 A.M., 3/21/2018. So here’s the deal for today. Yes, I’m being discharged from Baylor Hospital … but I’ll be going home with a PICC-line I.V. (to be installed shortly) because apparently I’ll need intravenous antibiotics four times a day for three more days. Holy shit, right?! Baylor hospital will arrange for a home health aide to teach Sam how to do this, but the aide will also stop by once a day to check on me and make sure I’m getting enough Chinese food. (I might be kidding about that.)

I’m a huge fan of the Bolshevik revolution.

Howdy-do. It’s 2:45 Wednesday morning, Sam is in bed and I’ve decided to kill a couple of hours writing a post for the Howdygram, slugging Crystal Light raspberry green tea on ice and designing mugs for my store on Zazzle.com. Also a custom blanket for my best friend’s daughter’s baby shower next month in Chicago. (No, obviously I can’t go. Stop getting so hysterical.) Yesterday I spent most of the day designing greeting cards. It’s a full life, isn’t it?

July is Ronald Colman Month on Turner Classic Movies. Woo-hoo!

Yo, shalom, and howdy-do from hot and sweaty north Texas! It’s 80° at 8 a.m. with an expected high of 95° by mid-afternoon and humidity in the range of 60%. The air will feel like a SWAMP. I can’t recall what this intense heat feels like nor do I want to open the front door to experience this shit for myself, as I’m perfectly content at my desk in an air-conditioned house, without shoes or a brassiere, drinking Crystal Light Peach-Mango tea. I FUCKING LOVE RETIREMENT.

Fire up the DVR! There are lots of terrific movies on TCM this month.

As I write this post Sam and I are riveted by James Comey’s testimony before Congress via live streaming video on RawStory.com. This is GREAT STUFF, people, and if you’re not watching, you should be. This is just as good as the Watergate hearings from the early 1970s and probably even more significant. Be an involved American today and tune in, okay?

I’ve been dicking around with the Howdygram again.

It’s a beautiful Friday morning here at Howdygram headquarters, and Sam just unpacked the new LED desk lamp that I ordered from Amazon. IT’S GORGEOUS. For your possible interest here’s a photo with all of the best features labeled with neat little arrows. Sam said he’d plug it in for me next time I’m away from my desk, such as when I take my shower or a nap. Believe it or not, I actually plan to do BOTH within the next half hour or so!

I’m probably the only person in history who gets blisters on the bottom of her feet from sleeping.

Good morning from north Texas, y’all, where we’re expecting a high today of 86° with a shitload of sunshine. This would be acceptable summer weather anywhere in the world, but here in Texas it’s still very early spring, so I’d be willing to bet we’re our way to record-breaking heat this year. Not necessarily hotter than usual ... but a lot more 100°+ days.

I’ll gladly provide more information on a need-to-know basis.

Yo from Howdygram headquarters! It’s a spectacular and balmy springtime afternoon that’s bursting with sunshine ... and once again I’m at my desk in the study with a bowl of Campbell’s chicken noodle soup that definitely isn’t hot enough, but what the hell. Also some saltine crackers.

Where the hell is Robert Osborne?

Yo, people. In case you’re wondering how come I didn’t write any Howdygram posts all weekend it’s because I just didn’t feel like it. Also: 1) I was busy downloading more free fonts; 2) I napped more than usual; 3) Sam needed my help with a few issues; and 4) by the time I got done with items one, two and three I was too drained to do anything except design a new line of children’s lunch boxes for The Howdygram Store. A sample lunch box appears below for your possible interest. My new children’s collection includes cute beach birds, anime cartoons of boys and girls floating around with balloons, smiling jungle animals and more. All of them are personalized.

Today is Shitty John Wayne Westerns Day on Turner Classic Movies.

Oy, it’s 3:45 Thursday morning and I’m wide awake. WIDE AWAKE! I made the decision to lie down on the chaise after my shower last night at 11:30 due to being dizzy and immediately slept through Run Silent Run Deep (1958) starring Clark Gable and Burt Lancaster. I missed the whole damn thing, even that scene where the screaming sailor — yes, the cute one — gets squashed by a falling torpedo. (It could give you nightmares.) Fortunately, when Sam shuffled off to bed at 2:30 I decided to transfer my carcass into the study to take my bedtime pills, shoot many units of insulin and write the Howdygram post that I clearly didn’t find time for on Wednesday.

Today I’m giving away free waterproof fonts for a rainy Wednesday morning.

I have to type this Howdygram post as fast as I can before the pain kicks in. It’s 8:45 a.m. — and I actually feel not too lousy right now — but I know it won’t last for three reasons: 1) it NEVER lasts; 2) it’s a day of the week ending in “y”; and 3) it’s raining here, and my joints ALWAYS hurt when it rains! In case you give a crap, here’s a screen shot of our forecast from Weather.com. Naturally, Sam is flying home from Seattle tomorrow.

I must be dangerously un-American because I don’t give a crap about the Super Bowl.

It’s Sunday night and we’re not watching the Super Bowl. We don’t like the Super Bowl here at Howdygram headquarters. In fact, we’re not even too thrilled about professional football in general because brain trauma, the game takes fucking FOREVER and everybody’s named DeWayne, DeMarcus or DeHoo-Hah. I don’t even give a shit about the Super Bowl commercials or who’s rocking at half-time. I must be dangerously un-American because I don’t give a crap about ANY of this.

McDonald’s latest fiasco? A “nutrient-rich” kale salad with more fat and calories than a double Big Mac.

Happy Saturday morning from partly cloudy, slightly chilly north Texas, home of Howdygram headquarters, where I’ve decided to spend my entire day involved in the four exciting activities listed here: 1) taking prescription painkillers; 2) sleeping a lot due to item one; 3) designing thankyou notes for my new Zazzle store; and 4) playing with Sam because he’s on vacation and doesn’t have to go back to work until February 15.

Marcy the Movie Maven recommends ...

Hi, people. Before I forget, please allow Marcy the Movie Maven to recommend a bunch of terrific films this week because TCM is offering tributes to Edna May Oliver (November 9) and William Powell and Myrna Loy (November 10) in addition to a few good Norma Shearer whatnots from the early 1930s (also November 10). Ready, set ... RECORD!