The Howdygram 2: I’m probably the only person in history who gets blisters on the bottom of her feet from sleeping.

Good morning from north Texas, y’all, where we’re expecting a high today of 86° with a shitload of sunshine. This would be acceptable summer weather anywhere in the world, but here in Texas it’s still very early spring, so I’d be willing to bet we’re our way to record-breaking heat this year. Not necessarily hotter than usual ... but a lot more 100°+ days.

End of weather report.

In other news, I’m pleased to announce that MY HEEL IS BETTER and the bleeding stopped. I’m still sore and feel a little “bruised,” but at least I can walk on it now without crying ... so that’s an excellent improvement. Later this morning I’ll take a nice hot shower and go back to the chaise for a nap and a couple of good movies. I’m considering Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953) starring Marilyn Monroe and Jane Russell, and The Brain That Wouldn’t Die (1962) starring Virginia Leith as a decapitated head that’s being kept alive in a pan of Jell-O.

Something just occurred to me. When I saw Dr. M a month ago for my quarterly checkup she examined my feet (she always does) and said they looked terrific for an old coot with diabetes. So, then how the hell did I develop a BLEEDING BLISTER in such a short time?! I don’t run, I don’t jog, I don’t walk … I don’t even wear street shoes. I’m probably the only person in history who gets blisters on the bottom of her feet from SLEEPING!

As I get ready to dig into tonight’s dinner — a bag of freeze-dried Mountain House Macaroni & Cheese for Senior Citizens Who Can’t Stand Up to Cook Things and half a jar of sugar-free strawberry preserves — I would like to alert my readers to some amazing movies coming up next month on TCM. My personal favorites are denoted by a teeny red star: ★.

Incidentally, be sure you stock up on popcorn and kleenex in time for Picnic and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof on April 14 ... two of the sweatiest soap operas EVER. Trust me. If you’ve never seen these movies, do yourself a favor and watch!

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 5 ... MELVYN DOUGLAS DAY

Prestige (1932) with Melvyn Douglas, Ann Harding and Adolphe Menjou ★
Dangerous Corner (1935) with Melvyn Douglas and Virginia Bruce
And So They Are Married (1936) with Melvyn Douglas and Mary Astor
I’ll Take Romance (1937) with Melvyn Douglas and Grace Moore
Fast Company (1938) with Melvyn Douglas and Florence Rice
The Amazing Mr. Williams (1939) with Melvyn Douglas and Joan Blondell ★
Good Girls Go to Paris (1939) with Melvyn Douglas and Joan Blondell
On the Loose (1951) with Melvyn Douglas and Joan Evans

THURSDAY, APRIL 11

George Washington Slept Here (1942) with Jack Benny and Ann Sheridan ★
Woman of the Year (1942) with Katharine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy ★
The Male Animal (1942) with Henry Fonda and Olivia de Havilland ★

FRIDAY, APRIL 14

Mildred Pierce (1945) with Joan Crawford, Ann Blyth and Jack Carson
Picnic (1954) with William Holden, Kim Novak and Rosalind Russell
Imitation of Life (1959) with Lana Turner and Sandra Dee ★
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof (1958) with Elizabeth Taylor, Paul Newman and Burl Ives ★

SATURDAY, APRIL 15

Hollywood Canteen (1944) with Joan Leslie, Robert Hutton, Roy Rogers and Trigger ★
Valley of the Kings (1954) with Robert Taylor and Eleanor Parker ★
Harvey (1950) with James Stewart and Cecil Kellaway ★

SUNDAY, APRIL 16

Ben-Hur (1959) with Charlton Heston and Steven Boyd ★
Easter Parade (1948) with Fred Astaire and Judy Garland ★

MONDAY, APRIL 17

1776 (1972) with William Daniels, Ken Howard and Blythe Danner ★
Hot Millions (1968) with Peter Ustinov and Maggie Smith ★
Dodsworth (1936) with Walter Huston and Ruth Chatterton ★

I’d like to write more but I’m in too goddamn much pain right now to concentrate. Ever since Sam left for California on Friday I’ve been shlepping myself to the chaise lounge in the family room every couple of hours because that’s the ONLY spot in the entire house where I can get comfortable. Sitting at my desk to work on the Howdygram is pretty much out of the question due to burning skin and screaming toes. So I spend most of my waking (and sleeping) hours on the chaise, emerging two or three times a day to take drugs and eat a quick meal. I love drugs.