Monday, November 3, 2014

The Obnoxious Bleeding Shin Incident.

It’s a few minutes after 10 and I just get a phone call from Sam who tells me he might be late coming home from work tonight. That news is lousy enough all by itself until he also mentions they’re expecting clients in-house this week and he’ll have to work THREE CONSECUTIVE ALL-NIGHTERS — Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday — starting at 4 p.m. until the goddamn sun comes up.

Sam can’t stand this crap and I get sick to my stomach when I think about him working those hours. Plus I’m not happy being alone all night and I can’t fall asleep if I don’t know for sure what time Sam is coming home or if he’s trying to drive exhausted. What a pain in the ass.

Regular Howdygram readers are aware that I write at length about the misery of diabetes and all the shitty and unexpected health issues that drag a person down, such as: 1) nonstop needles and injections; 2) hypoglycemia; 3) peripheral neuropathy (nerve damage) in your hands and feet; 4) nerve damage affecting major organs; 5) chronic kidney disease; 6) atrociously dry skin; and 7) you totally have to give up Milk Duds forever. Tonight I will address item six — atrociously dry skin — because I’m currently attempting to recover from The Obnoxious Bleeding Shin Incident.

The Obnoxious Bleeding Shin Incident actually began sometime this afternoon when a big disgusting dry patch on the front of my right leg began to itch like crazy. I was sitting at my desk at the time and couldn’t reach the spot very well so I grabbed my metal back scratcher (a sample device is pictured below) and went to town.
About 90 seconds later I realized I hit a gusher and start to feel like the shower scene in that Alfred Hitchcock movie. There’s blood all over my my robe, blood all over my leg and blood heading south toward my fluffy memory foam slipper. I mop myself up the best I can but decide to wait until everything is dry — maybe three or four hours — before I get in the shower in an effort to avoid the inevitable nasty shock of soap and hot water on a large area of broken skin.

You’ll be pleased to know I survived the ordeal and will probably live to itch another day. In the meantime, as part of the recovery process, I think I need a can of Vienna sausages. Thank you for reading this.

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