Unlimited help for one stinking buckaroo and “live chat” at 4:30 in the morning.

Glory hallelujah, hot damn and what the fuck! I just had a nightmarish issue with the Howdygram and thought I’d lost the old girl forever. About an hour ago I tried to begin composing a new post — this one, to be specific — but got an error window instead (see below) when I clicked the “new post” link. And then I got myself snaggled up with a screwy help website — JustAnswer.com — that I assumed was a free Google forum for Blogspot bloggers like yours truly. Boy, was I wrong!

I’m especially hysterical about Hand-Pulled Rotisserie Chicken White Meat.

So here’s what’s happening here today: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It’s 3:25 a.m. on Wednesday morning I tried to write this post at dinnertime on Tuesday but couldn’t stay awake long enough to write the first sentence. After an 11-hour nap I finally woke up about 15 minutes ago, said “hello” to Sam, and decided to start writing immediately so I could actually make some progress with this post. Jesus.

Tremors, squeezy feet and 18-hour naps. That’s the story of my life.

’Tis the Day of the Onion Rings here at Howdygram headquarters. This morning at 2 a.m. when I asked Sam to make me a bag of Nathan's Famous Thick Sliced Battered Onion Rings he delivered the devastating news that we didn’t have any more in the freezer … whereupon I immediately ordered four bags from Amazon Fresh along with a small order of incredible delicacies that included: (1) Sargento’s Pepper Jack Cheese; (2) Annie Chun’s White Sticky Rice; (3) one pound of Reser’s Cole Slaw; (4) one pound of Reser’s Macaroni Salad; (5) frozen Citrus Pop-Ups* in three thrilling flavors; (6) Sweet Baby Ray’s Sweet & Spicy Barbecue Sauce; (7) a half-pound of Italian Spicy Mixed Olive Bruschetta; (8) Farm Rich Mozzarella Sticks; and (9) six La Brea Bakery Take-and-Bake French Dinner Rolls.

Dear World: I hate Greg Abbott and love Amazon Fresh!

The state of Texas is out of its fucking mind. Our maniacal pro-Trump governor, grifter-in-chief Greg Abbott, decided all by himself — against warnings and directives by the CDC and the Board of Health — to “reopen” the state so that everybody can go back to their favorite hair and nail salons, bars, restaurants and shopping malls even though Texas has the worst COVID-19 infection rate in the United States with more new cases daily than ANYWHERE … including Mars. After Abbott’s proclamation, the entire under-30 age group did exactly what he wanted them to do, and barely two weeks later they all wound up infected with Coronavirus. Totally predictable and expected, and now all those poor twits are sick, miserable, unemployed and hospitalized with no insurance coverage! To make things even worse, now their parents are sick, their children are sick, their grandparents are sick, their friends are sick and their neighbors are sick.