Free fonts with a stunning display of background textures and clip art.

Once again I’m waking up after two long, long naps. The first was 18 hours, from 5:30 a.m. until 7:45 p.m. last night, and another four hours from 11 p.m. until 3 a.m. this morning, just a few minutes ago. Life is upside-down. I sleep all day, I’m up all night, but fortunately Sam is usually on the same schedule with me.

Unlimited help for one stinking buckaroo and “live chat” at 4:30 in the morning.

Glory hallelujah, hot damn and what the fuck! I just had a nightmarish issue with the Howdygram and thought I’d lost the old girl forever. About an hour ago I tried to begin composing a new post — this one, to be specific — but got an error window instead (see below) when I clicked the “new post” link. And then I got myself snaggled up with a screwy help website — JustAnswer.com — that I assumed was a free Google forum for Blogspot bloggers like yours truly. Boy, was I wrong!

I’m not especially interested in who the hell my nurse is. No kidding.

Hey. It’s me again. I’ve been housebound and bedridden for about five years already, so I have to admit that I don’t have too much to write about if I try to produce a Howdygram post more often than once or twice a week. Sad, isn’t it? I’ve given up on reading the news — local, national, global — so political commentary is pretty much dead in the water. My life has shriveled to an endless string of 18-hour naps, urinary tract spasms and weird meals. I’ll just have to make do with writing whatever I want, whenever I want … and let it go at that. You’ll get used to it, I promise.

I’ve discovered a new digital arts shop on Etsy.com.

Hello and happy Sunday from Howdygram headquarters. I’ve been trying to write this post for more than a week but got myself caught up in a cycle of extremely long and unexpected naps … and by the time I finally realized what was happening it was 10:45 Saturday night. At that point I was more interested in food and a pleasant conversation with Sam. What a clusterfuck … especially since I didn’t have a chance to recognize my father’s 100th birthday in heaven! He was born on July 13, 1920, and was buried just two days after his 82nd birthday. I think about my father every day of my life and regret that Sam never had a chance to know him.

I’m especially hysterical about Hand-Pulled Rotisserie Chicken White Meat.

So here’s what’s happening here today: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It’s 3:25 a.m. on Wednesday morning I tried to write this post at dinnertime on Tuesday but couldn’t stay awake long enough to write the first sentence. After an 11-hour nap I finally woke up about 15 minutes ago, said “hello” to Sam, and decided to start writing immediately so I could actually make some progress with this post. Jesus.

Tremors, squeezy feet and 18-hour naps. That’s the story of my life.

’Tis the Day of the Onion Rings here at Howdygram headquarters. This morning at 2 a.m. when I asked Sam to make me a bag of Nathan's Famous Thick Sliced Battered Onion Rings he delivered the devastating news that we didn’t have any more in the freezer … whereupon I immediately ordered four bags from Amazon Fresh along with a small order of incredible delicacies that included: (1) Sargento’s Pepper Jack Cheese; (2) Annie Chun’s White Sticky Rice; (3) one pound of Reser’s Cole Slaw; (4) one pound of Reser’s Macaroni Salad; (5) frozen Citrus Pop-Ups* in three thrilling flavors; (6) Sweet Baby Ray’s Sweet & Spicy Barbecue Sauce; (7) a half-pound of Italian Spicy Mixed Olive Bruschetta; (8) Farm Rich Mozzarella Sticks; and (9) six La Brea Bakery Take-and-Bake French Dinner Rolls.

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Why can’t it be onion rings?

I haven’t decided yet if this will be a long or a short Howdygram post because there’s a lot of very important crapola going on here today and tomorrow.

Dear World: I hate Greg Abbott and love Amazon Fresh!

The state of Texas is out of its fucking mind. Our maniacal pro-Trump governor, grifter-in-chief Greg Abbott, decided all by himself — against warnings and directives by the CDC and the Board of Health — to “reopen” the state so that everybody can go back to their favorite hair and nail salons, bars, restaurants and shopping malls even though Texas has the worst COVID-19 infection rate in the United States with more new cases daily than ANYWHERE … including Mars. After Abbott’s proclamation, the entire under-30 age group did exactly what he wanted them to do, and barely two weeks later they all wound up infected with Coronavirus. Totally predictable and expected, and now all those poor twits are sick, miserable, unemployed and hospitalized with no insurance coverage! To make things even worse, now their parents are sick, their children are sick, their grandparents are sick, their friends are sick and their neighbors are sick.

Introducing Marcy’s Easy-Peasy Opioids and Olives Diet!

The life of a bedridden coot is an interesting one. Mostly, I guess, I’m faced with an endless stretch of days and weeks, ridiculous 18-hour spans of sleep, forgotten meals and missed medications … I almost can’t keep up sometimes. At the moment it’s 8:45 Wednesday morning. I’d like to take my morning meds, but Sam hasn’t brought them to me yet (he’s asleep), so I thought I’d kill a little time with the Howdygram. Hello, everybody.

Remember in my last post when I told you I was losing interest in fonts? I lied.

It’s been a whole week since my last Howdygram post, but I’ve got a solid reason that: I’VE BEEN ASLEEP. Yes, for the whole goddamn week!

I’d hate to lose control of my nipples. I’m so fond of them!

I’ve got lots of stuff to tell you this afternoon, okay? It’s a few measly minutes after 3 p.m. and I just woke up from a long, long, long, long sleep. I just I asked Sam “how long” and his only reply was “L.O.N.G.” I’m guessing maybe 18 hours. My cannula is driving me crazy,  the air jets hurt like hell, I can’t really remember the last time I saw daylight, and now we’re due for heavy rain for the next several days and it’s already dark as a dungeon outside. Blecch. I thought it was Monday but just realized I was wrong … it’s Tuesday! I have no recollection of Saturday or Sunday, either.

The Whine List expands.

Good morning and a happy Thursday to one and all. It’s 4:30 a.m. and Sam is getting ready for his first walk of the day. He usually starts at the forest in south Mesquite — called Samuell Farm, believe it or not! — and communes with the moon and stars. He gets home just as the sun comes up. Typically he’d stop at Wal-Mart first to pick up a few necessities, but the store changed its hours after the COVID-19 hoo-hah kicked in so he waits a little later now to make his grocery run. (My appetite has been low this week. I ran out of applesauce.)

Know what? The quarantine has been great for business!

I’m having a conundrum this morning. It’s a few minutes before 7 a.m. and my hands are freezing. They should be tucked underneath my blanket … except I also feel like typing, so this definitely sucks. I suppose I’ll just keep plugging away until I figure out what I want more … warm hands or a Howdygram post! (Right now the Howdygram post is winning.)

I’m not in a very good mood right now and don’t need shit from anybody.

This has been the day from hell. And it’s not over yet.

Keep an eye out for the zebras and cows.

Happy Thursday night from Howdygram headquarters. Once again Sam and I have been sleeping for a ridiculous number of hours — eight, 10, 12 or more! — at a stretch, barely staying awake long enough to eat a meal. (I spend a lot of quality time with iced tea and pitted Greek olives.)

“Gimbal Egyptian” is a slab serif super-font. Woo-hoo!

I just woke up from a 16-hour nap — seriously, 16 hours! — and thought it might be fun to engage in a little self-expression. You know, write something. It’s 3:15 on a strangely cold Saturday morning (only 46°, believe it or not) for Texas in mid-April, and I just finished an A+ perfect turkey sandwich on white toast with tomatoes. Sam makes the best sandwiches! And the most wonderful side dish was a pair of fabulous movies … Dark Victory (1939) starring Bette Davis and George Brent, and Mad About Men (1954), a sweet little comedy about a mermaid starring Glynis Johns and Margaret Rutherford.

The Howdygram Store is selling cloth face masks now!

MONDAY, APRIL 13, 2020. I have zero motivation tonight. ZERO. Sam and I just finished watching a ridiculous horror movie called The Wasp Woman (1959) starring Susan Cabot, and next up is the biopic They Died with Their Boots On (1941) starring Errol Flynn as General George Armstrong Custer. I don’t know if the Custer biography is accurate or not, but it’s definitely top-notch entertainment with some unforgettable performances.

Former Cubs second baseman Glenn Beckert died on Sunday.

It’s 6 a.m. Sunday morning. I just woke up but have no idea whatsoever when exactly I fell asleep. It’s pretty much the same story day after day after day … huge, inexplicable spans of very sound sleep* wrapped in my big fleece blanket, soaked and overflowing wee-wee pads, frequently shivering, aching legs that I’m scared to move without Sam’s help, lots of pills to take, the incessant sound of rushing air (through my cannula) that destroys my nostrils and the ability to hear things!

Amazon has face masks and latex gloves.

Happy Tuesday morning, y’all. Sam is hiking around in his favorite forest on the south side of Mesquite and I’m drinking sugar-free punch and noshing on pitted Greek olives. Damn, I love these things!

I think I might get back to sending birthday cards this year!

It’s a couple of minutes after 4 a.m. on Sunday morning, and I have no idea what the hell ever happened to Saturday. I think I slept for 22 out of 24 hours, never saw one stinking minute of daylight, and now I’m lying here in the dark, binge-watching “Bar Rescue” reruns, eating cashew butter — this stuff is so AWESOME! — from the jar with a plastic spoon and peeing like a race horse … actually eliminating far more liquid than I consume.*