Believe it or not, Dallas County’s COVID-19 “social distancing” and “shelter-in-place” directives really aren’t big hoo-hahs for
yours truly because I’ve been housebound and bedridden for more than two years. While the rest of the planet tries to figure it all out, I’m in bed scanning the headlines and shaking my head. This morning, however, one news story stood out above the others …
PRINCE CHARLES HAS THE CORONAVIRUS, and he’s been sequestered (with Camilla, of course) at Balmoral Castle in Scotland with a staff of 165 butlers, maids, cooks, slaves, ass-wipers, lapel-pressers and assorted costumed footmen in knickers. You know, just the bare essentials for the future King of England.
Unfortunately, there’s a huge chance that Charles has been passing the virus along to hundreds (even thousands!) of other hapless royals, court servants and the public in general, as he hadn’t cut back on any of his routine princely activities — i.e., ribbon-cutting, walkabouts, charity luncheons — and even spent time last week with
his teeny 93-year-old mother before he began exhibiting any signs of illness. (You can infect others long before you show symptoms.) Britain’s National Health Service, therefore, has instructed Charles, 71, and Camilla, 72, to cancel their appointments and
just stay the fuck at home in the castle of their choice.
I know there’s a slim possibility that my health and well-being may not be as important to you as
your own, but I thought I’d share with you how hard Sam is working to keep us safe here.
- He wears latex gloves whenever he leaves the house.
- He uses hand sanitizer before he comes back inside.
- Because COVID-19 can be transmitted by inanimate objects, Sam won’t touch anything that’s delivered here for three days, which is the length of time recommended by the CDC. (We’ve got a growing mountain of Amazon cartons stacked up in the front foyer.)
- Every hospice worker who comes into our home wears gloves. Some also wear a face mask. Frankly, I’d like to see a few of them with red clown noses, too. The kind that beep. (Just a thought.)
- I’m having a problem understanding how we catch the Coronavirus. For instance, this big hoo-hah about inanimate objects. If we should be worried about cartons from Amazon, why is it okay to shop in grocery stores?!
There are no inspiring Coronavirus stories to share with y’all from inside Howdygram headquarters, because my life hasn’t changed one stinking whit since the pandemic got started. Today, and
every day, I continue to amuse myself with this blog, tweaking the colors, designing new products for
The Howdygram Store, eating pitted Greek olives and finding creative new ways to ask Sam for a back-scratch. How’s it going with
you?
Thank you.
One thing that always makes my heart jump for joy — even during an international health disaster! — is another list of free fonts. Therefore I’d like to share today’s little gang of freebies with you, including all kinds of
scripts (“Camper,” “Natural Fence,” “Coco Banana”),
display fonts (“Stanlow,” “Mauikea”) and a traditional
sans serif family (“Thicker”) with 12 weights and multiple styles for each. FYI, if you visit
MyFonts.com you can buy the entire “Thicker” font family (on sale) for only $475 … or you can get the same family here for FREE.
Woo-hoo! You’ll find download links below the graphic.
I think I love collecting gorgeous digital backgrounds almost as much as I love free fonts. With that in mind, yesterday I discovered that one of my favorite shops on
Etsy.com — Julie Campbell Designs — had all of its products on sale for 40% off. So check out what I bought! I’ll use these exciting seamless high-res gemstone “bling” backgrounds to create new iPhone cases, padfolios, spiral notebooks, luggage tags and other projects for
The Howdygram Store.
After I’ve had a chance to finish a few of my new designs I’ll share them with you in the Howdygram. Try to be patient, okay?
Wal-Mart has restarted its free grocery pickup hoo-hah, so I just placed an order online for pickup Saturday morning between 9 and 10 a.m. at our favorite nearby Wal-Mart superstore on the I-30 service road.
Yee-haw! Our order for tomorrow includes all of the following …
- Tomatoes-on-the-Vine
- Great Value Fully-Cooked Sliced Bacon
- Wonder Classic White Bread
- Great Value Organic Sliced Mushrooms (two jars)
- Great Value Microwaveable Organic Cooked Quinoa
- Ancient Harvest Microwaveable Organic Cooked Quinoa
- Great Value Strawberry Pie Filling
- Philadelphia Cheesecake Filling (24-ounce tub)
- Sargento Sliced Medium Natural Cheddar Cheese
- Freshness Guaranteed Individual Apple Pie
- Freshness Guaranteed Individual Lemon Cake (two)
- Peeled Hard-Boiled Eggs (half dozen)
- Red Diamond Sugar-Free Iced Tea (one gallon)
- Great Value Sugar-Free Iced Tea (two gallons)
- Great Value Tomato Soup (two cans)
- Campbell’s Cream of Celery Soup (two cans)
- Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom Soup (two cans)
- Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup (four-pack)
- Mezzetta Pitted Greek Kalamata Olives (two jars)
- Smucker’s Strawberry Sugar-Free Preserves
- Smucker’s Peach Sugar-Free Preserves
- Sam’s Choice Creamy Cashew Butter
- Great Value Natural Organic No-Stir Creamy Peanut Butter
- Pictsweet Frozen Yam Patties
- Great Value Frozen Crinkle Cut French Fries
- Equate Lavender & Jasmine Body Wash
- Equate Silk Blossom & Lilac Body Wash
Please allow me to explain some of these purchases, okay?
- #1 and #2 will make awesome BLTs on #3 (toasted), minus the “L.” Got that?
- #7 and #8 will create a yummy faux cheesecake without a graham cracker crust.
- #19 is the best condiment in the world. I eat at least three jars a week.
- I’ve never tried #22 before, but it sounds fantastic … so why the hell not?!
- #24 is an easy and speedy way to bake yams. I love yams.
- We need #25 to help us enjoy a giant bottle of Hunt’s ketchup.
It feels satisfying to NOT add any paper products to this list, because we’ve already got more than enough toilet paper, paper towels and napkins to survive damn near
anything. (If we held a garage sale we could triple the prices and make a fortune.)
It’s 5:30 p.m. Friday afternoon and we just wrapped up our last hospice visitor of the week … my L.V.N., Sharon. Sam am I always feel like celebrating when we’re through like this. We love our privacy and sometimes wish we didn’t have to see
anybody. If that makes us
anti-social now and then, so be it.
I’ve waited a long time to say this: SCREW THE WHOLE WORLD.
Thank you for reading this. Please wash your hands, keep your distance and phone for an appointment.
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