The Howdygram 2: I’m especially hysterical about Hand-Pulled Rotisserie Chicken White Meat.

So here’s what’s happening here today: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It’s 3:25 a.m. on Wednesday morning I tried to write this post at dinnertime on Tuesday but couldn’t stay awake long enough to write the first sentence. After an 11-hour nap I finally woke up about 15 minutes ago, said “hello” to Sam, and decided to start writing immediately so I could actually make some progress with this post. Jesus.

Incidentally, last night I removed my cannula for a few minutes to blow my nose but forgot to reinsert the cannula afterwards due to being distracted by yesterday’s episode of “The People’s Court.” When I finally realized what happened (about half an hour later) I checked my oxygen saturation and it had already dropped to 70. HOLY SHIT! That’s only eight points higher than my near-death experience two years ago! (If I ever wanted to drop dead in a hurry, that would be a fine way to do it.) My oxygen saturation ideally should be 90+. What a life.

Time for my latest GROCERY ADVENTURE! At 7 a.m. Sam will pick up the following order from Wal-Mart … that’s the hour they set aside every day for senior citizens or “at-risk” customers to pick up their grocery orders. Today’s haul includes:

Frozen organic blueberries
Campbell’s Tomato Soup (6)
Jars of Whole Mushrooms (4)
Seasoned All-White Meat Pulled Rotisserie Chicken
Diet Sweet Brewed Iced Tea
Crystal Light Sugar-Free Lemonade
Green Giant Backyard Grilled Potatoes (2)
Organic Whole Mushrooms, 4 jars
Great Value Chicken Gravy
Deli Potato Salad, 2 lbs.
Deli Cole Slaw, 2 lbs.
Mt. Olive Pickled Vidalia Onion Strips
Deli-Sliced Sara Lee Oven Roasted Chicken Breast, 1¼ lbs.

I’m especially hysterical about the Hand-Pulled Rotisserie Chicken White Meat (pictured below) … a fabulous container of white meat chicken that’s good for: (1) homemade chicken salad; (2) a nice snack as-is with a plastic fork; (3) a pleasant meal heated up alongside some instant mashed potatoes*; (4) throwing into a pot of soup; (5) adding to StoveTop Chicken Stuffing with a jar of whole mushrooms and a can of chicken gravy; and (6) I can’t think of anything else.

A few months ago when the Coronavirus hoo-hah got started I loaded up our pantry with instant and freeze-dried emergency food rations. As a result, we’ve got enough powdered eggs, freeze-dried refried beans and instant mashed potatoes to last two lifetimes. (Please raise your hand if I’m making you hungry.)

Ahh, more free fonts! I’ve got a lot of favorites from this group … “Paradise Beach,” “Thailand,” Avenus,” “Artistic Chaos” and “Angeltown.” I can’t wait to start using them next time I work on new greeting cards for The Howdygram Store. Download links will appear below the font list.

Markisa • Thailand • Avenus • Folkner • Nordin • Duythy • Angeltown
Tinker • Fruitos • Theorem • Immense Typography Bundle • Adelios • Praktys
Paradise Beach • Zalamander • Artistic Chaos • Bogue Family
AICY Monogram Alphabet • Brickhand • Quigglesmith

Oy, what a deal! A couple of days ago I bumped into a 75% off sale at my favorite shop on Etsy.com and decided to splurge a little. Each of these collections was only 65¢ each … that’s a lot of inspiration for very little moolah, and I can’t wait to turn them all into new product designs for The Howdygram Store. Yee-haw!

Unfortunately, right now I’m sad to report that I’ve been having some technical difficulties with The Howdygram Store, which is my own marketplace store on Zazzle’s website. About a week and a half ago my home page had a nervous breakdown and none of my product categories are visible any more. I’ve been phoning and emailing Zazzle.com’s tech support but nobody knows what’s going on or how to fix the problem. Every time somebody responds to my follow-up emails we wind up back at square one. I’ll give them until Monday and then I start raising hell. Stay tuned …

I love ready-to-eat products, and KA-ME’S FRESH-COOKED UDON STIR-FRY NOODLES are on top of my list of favorites. They come in a package of twin pouches, each pouch is a generous serving for one person. To heat them up you just pierce the pouch and nuke it for 90 seconds. That’s it … perfect noodles, ready to eat! They’re unseasoned and don’t include any sauce, so you’re on your own. Personally, I like these with a little House of Tsang General Tso’s Sauce and some frozen Boom Boom Shrimp or my favorite Classico pasta sauce and a few frozen Italian-style meatballs.

Incidentally, udon noodles are very thick and substantial, much heavier than traditional spaghetti, and that makes them ideal for a bedridden coot like yours truly to eat spaghetti lying down. No more sloppy sauce all over the place! For all of these reasons I’m happy to award KA-ME’s Udon Stir-Fry Noodles with the Howdygram’s coveted five-chopper rating.

I’d also like to mention that KA-ME makes another noodle product worth trying … HOKKIEN STIR-FRY NOODLES. These are basically standard spaghetti noodles, fully cooked, amazingly convenient and ready to eat after you nuke the pouch for 90 seconds. It’s products like this that allow Sam to be a whiz in the kitchen with zero culinary training (or culinary interest). And believe it or not, he’s developed a real flair for garnishes! FYI, you can buy KA-ME’s products from Wal-Mart, Amazon and Amazon Fresh.

As a final thought for today, I placed an order with Amazon a little while ago for a carton of 72 bedpan liners (don’t ask) and a case of Brach’s Sugar-Free Fruit Slices, which are sold as a dozen teeny three-ounce bags with maybe half a dozen chewy candies in each bag. I actually have a craving for chocolate, but this isn’t the time of year to be ordering chocolate by mail due to the outdoor temperature being 95° in Texas and, you know, the issue of SEVERE MELTING. So for now I’ll have to settle for Brach’s Fruit Slices and hope they’re tolerable, fruity, chewy and tasty.