It’s not too early to set aside some free fonts for Hanukkah presents.

Yo, everybody. I sincerely wanted to write a post on Thursday but couldn’t squeeze it into my schedule. I was busy all morning with my monthly catheter change hoo-hah (which went very well, thank you for asking), and then spent the balance of the day: 1) sleeping; 2) watching quirky, atmospheric movies*; and 3) eating things.

I’ve got a whole new addiction.

In Sunday’s post I wrote briefly about my surreal life as a bedridden senior citizen. While it’s definitely bizarre to watch a Sandra Dee movie and eat canned tomatoes — with habanero peppers! — at 5 o’clock in the morning, “surreal” certainly doesn’t stop there.

A little extra pasta here and there probably keeps me from starving to death.

You know your life is surreal — Jesus, no kidding! — when it’s 5:17 a.m., you’re eating a can of spicy Ro-Tel tomatoes with habanero peppers and watching the original Gidget (1959) starring Sandra Dee, James Darren and Cliff Robertson.

It’s never a good idea to call a person an asshole when he has a scalpel in his hand.

Happy Friday morning, everybody!

Jesus. I just lost three days of my life.

Hello, everybody, and I hope you’re having a swell and happy Sunday. I’d like to begin tonight’s Howdygram post with a brief health review. Thank you for putting up with me.

Without creative projects to work on I probably would have died from monotny.

Good afternoon, boys and girls. It’s late Friday afternoon and I just woke up from a very lovely, very long nap. Eight glorious hours. It could have been even longer, however, if our landscapers hadn’t showed up. (They’re mowing, edging, sweating, shouting and whacking. There’s a lot of fucking commotion out there.) Lately I’ve been keeping a “graveyard shift” schedule … falling asleep right after breakfast and waking up around 5 p.m.

Apparently the world doesn’t already have enough sticky shit.

Know why I love Wednesday? I GET MY DRUG REFILLS ON WEDNESDAY! Or, actually, every other Wednesday. When you get your medical care from a hospice you have to request your prescription refills every other week — insane, right? — and in my case, Happy Drug Day always falls on a Wednesday. This would include 15-day refills for Amitriptyline, Metoprolol, Trazodone, Gabapentin, Furosemide, Xanax*, Tolterodine* and Hydrocodone.

I keep a typewritten list of my favorite snacks and groceries on the desktop of my iMac.

Yo, everybody! It’s 1:53 a.m. — the wee hours of Tuesday morning — and I want to tell you all about my late “bedtime” dinner a couple of hours ago. I had frozen peas and a big glass of sugar-free Crystal Light fruit punch. Honestly, it just doesn’t get much better than that. Peas and punch!

Thank you, Sam. You saved my life.

Well, it’s a few minutes after 8 a.m. on Sunday morning, and before I go any further I have to post the following very important statement regarding the earthquake in southern California a couple of days ago.

Hey, people … have you ever had a craving for creamed spinach?

I love weekends because Sam and I get TWO WHOLE DAYS without any invited (or uninvited) visitors or irritating interruptions. These would include: 1) hospice nurses or nurse’s aides; 2) a medical professional of any kind; 3) a pharmacy delivery that isn’t Hydrocodone; and 4) a UPS dude who rings the doorbell.

I want to stay awake all night and create some great shit!

I must be feeling mighty prolific to start a new Howdygram post so soon after the War and Peace edition I published a few short hours ago. Holy crap, right?

Happy Independence Day from Sam and me.

While I wait for my hospice C.N.A. to show up for Wednesday morning’s bath and hygiene session I thought it might be a good idea to jump-start another fresh, new Howdygram post, which involves typing like a maniac until the doorbell rings. Is this fun, or what?!

Trust me, blow-drying your hair in bed is a mighty tricky activity.

Good morning. It’s almost 8:30 a.m., and I’ve got a couple of hours to kill before my C.N.A. gets here for a bathing and general hygiene session. I can either watch a movie or compose on a Howdygram post. (Guess which one I picked.)