Wednesday, July 10, 2019

I keep a typewritten list of my favorite snacks and groceries on the desktop of my iMac.

Yo, everybody! It’s 1:53 a.m. — the wee hours of Tuesday morning — and I want to tell you all about my late “bedtime” dinner a couple of hours ago. I had frozen peas and a big glass of sugar-free Crystal Light fruit punch. Honestly, it just doesn’t get much better than that. Peas and punch!


Before I get involved in other topics I thought it might be a great idea to offer my latest collection of free fonts. While none of these are terribly thrilling, we do have a pretty script (“Balerina”) and several interesting display fonts. Please note that “King Wood” includes “King Wood Extras” — a very nice picture font packed with clipart, frames and ornaments — and “Little Bear” and “Little Mouse” comprise a teeny little font bundle. Download links appear below the graphic. You’re welcome.



I just received an interesting email. Actually, it was an update from my high school reunion committe about “the big event” coming up in September …
My 50th high school reunion! I’ve been receiving the committee’s emails and status reports for months … but this time it included a list of everybody from Hall D* who’s signed up to come.

Niles North was a new, state-of-the-art high school in 1969, and it was huge. The student population was divided into four “halls” (A, B, C and D) that included your homeroom, your study hall, your locker and most of your classes, thereby assuring you didn’t have to spend all day running your goddamn ass off.

The committee’s “Hall D” email made me smile because I hadn’t thought about Hall D for decades, and reading that list of names sounded like somebody calling attendance in study hall. Oy, 50 years was such a long time ago! I was only 17 … and I was even a virgin! (Yes, 17-year-old girls were still virgins in those days.)

I can’t attend the reunion, of course, because I’ve been housebound since 2012 and bedridden at home for more than a year under the care of a hospice organization … and there’s no way to shlep my hospital bed, my oxygen concentrator and my catheter bag to Marcello’s Restaurant in Northbrook, Illinois, for the Class of 1969’s big hoo-hah. Sigh.


Woo-hoo! Sam is on his way to Costco for our weekly trunkload of exciting, fancy shit … breakfast burritos, a tub of Cape Cod chicken salad with pecans and cranberries, Asian chicken wrap sandwiches, coffee beans and maybe a tray of fresh raspberries if they’re not over-priced. (I’m not holding my breath about the raspberries. Why are these damn things so expensive?)

Know what? My appetite has been atrocious for the last couple of weeks. Usually, even when I feel hungry I can’t really eat more than a few mouthfuls of food at a time. Or I can’t swallow. Or I swallow but think I’m going to “up-chuck” afterwards. (You get my drift, right?) The point is, I’m not eating much any more. I don’t get enough protein — I don’t get enough of anything — so we always keep little bottles of Glucerna in the fridge. These are healthy meal replacement shakes for diabetics with no sugar or carbs. And nothing tastes better alongside a Glucerna shake than crunchy crap!

Therefore, yesterday I ordered myself a box of truly healthy crunchy crap from Amazon … an 18-bag box of LOWREY’S MICROWAVE PORK RINDS, which possess all the following excellent attributes:
  • They’re ridiculously high in protein … 30 grams in every bag!
  • Contain 60% less fat than the pork rinds you buy in the grocery store. 
  • Only one stinking carb per bag.
  • You make them fresh in the microwave (like popcorn) and eat them warm.

As an accompaniment to my Lowrey’s pork rinds I’ll include two of KRAFT’S TASTY SOUR CREAM DIPS — Green Onion and French Onion — when I place my next pickup order from Wal-Mart on Friday. Dear readers, this is the ultimate snack nirvana, not counting the little leftover container of jalapeño pimiento cheese in the fridge. (Pimiento cheese is nirvana, too.)

Since my short-term memory is completely shot to hell I keep a typewritten list of my favorite snacks and groceries on the desktop of my iMac so I know what to ask for whenever I want something to eat. You have no idea how often this comes in handy (a lot!) due to not being able to open the fridge and “graze” every day like normal people.


I thought I’d provide a short list of fine films coming up this week on Turner Classic Movies, which is the only truly wonderful TV channel that God ever created. For your possible interest, titles annotated with a teeny red star [★] are my personal favorites.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 10
Earth vs. the Flying Saucers (1956) with Hugh Marlowe
Where the Boys Are (1960) with Connie Francis and Paula Prentiss ★
For Those Who Think Young (1965) with Pamela Tiffin and James Darren
A Summer Place (1959) with Troy Donahue and Sandra Dee
Splendor in the Grass (1961) with Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty ★
The Divorcée (1930) with Norma Shearer and Chester Morris ★

THURSDAY, JULY 11
Fashions of 1934 (1934) with Bette Davis and George Brent
Baby Face (1933) with Barbara Stanwyck and George Brent ★
Now, Voyager (1942) with Bette Davis, Paul Henreid and Gladys Cooper ★
Auntie Mame (1958) with Rosalind Russell ★


FRIDAY, JULY 12
Andy Hardy Gets Spring Fever (1939) with Mickey Rooney ★
Fast and Loose (1939) with Robert Montgomery and Rosalind Russell ★
Lucky Night (1939) with Robert Taylor and Myrna Loy
Another Thin Man (1939) with William Powell and Myrna Loy ★
Dark Victory (1939) with Bette Davis and George Brent ★
Gone with the Wind (1939) with Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh

SATURDAY, JULY 13
The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) with Errol Flynn and Olivia de Havilland ★
Gandhi (1982) with Ben Kingsley ★
A Tale of Two Cities (1935) with Ronald Colman and Elizabeth Allan ★


Please do yourself a huge favor and don’t miss Where the Boys Are, because 1960s morality has to be seen to be believed. Four girlfriends, played by Connie Francis, Paula Prentiss, Dolores Hart and Yvette Mimieux, go to Fort Lauderdale on spring break, but Yvette has suicidal hysterics and a nervous breakdown because she meets a “fast boy” and loses her virginity. Seriously. And when she finds out the boy wasn’t even from Yale — oh my God, he lied! — she completely freaks out and her girlfriends eventually find her trying to get hit by a truck by walking down the center of the busiest street in Fort Lauderdale at night. It’s a real jaw-dropper, people. This pathetic, 21-year-old idiot really believes her life is over because she had intercourse with a fast boy. Holy mother of shit.


Thank you for reading this. Do your level best to remember the Alamo, okay?
Posted by Marcy Marks at 4:08:00 AM
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