Dallas has a number of worthwhile bright spots to see. Remember the School Book Depository?

There’s big news today at Howdygram headquarters ... DAVID IS COMING FOR A VISIT! I’m referring, of course, to Sam’s younger brother, the one who lives in Scottsdale with his really sweet wife and an intensely talented dancing teenage daughter named Anna. David is visiting alone, however, which gives him some excellent time to hang out with Sam — almost four whole days, actually! — and enjoy all the bright spots of Dallas. And we really have a number of worthwhile bright spots to see! Sam and David will check out the Mesquite Championship Rodeo tonight, the JFK Museum, School Book Depository and essential dead president’s gift shop tomorrow, followed by Monday at the Fort Worth Stockyards to eat barbecue sandwiches on Texas toast and listen to mooing. Mooing is good. Trust me.

I’ll be glad to show you a substantial puddle in the front foyer that I created unexpectedly about half an hour ago.

It’s the crack of 3 a.m. and I woke up from my after-dinner nap about 45 minutes ago. I’m still tired and I’m having a very hard time keeping my eyes open, but most of the problem might be that I’m running a THREE-DEGREE FEVER — it’s 99.8°; “normal” for me is 97° — with body aches, stiff knees, chills and, once again, ZERO BLADDER CONTROL. If you don’t believe me I’ll be glad to show you a substantial puddle in the front foyer that I created unexpectedly about half an hour ago.

Republicans are having a lot of nervous breakdowns.

Oy. By now everybody has seen the news from Dallas ... 11 police officers were shot ambush-style — and five are dead! — after snipers opened fire on them tonight during a Black Lives Matter march downtown protesting the recent police murders of two more black men, Alton Sterling and Philando Castile. THIS IS JUST TOO MUCH. And now it’s close to home! Although I’m safely ensconced (and housebound) at Howdygram headquarters with an abundance of canned ravioli and “Columbo” reruns, Sam works in the city not too far from where all this sniper shit went down ... and I’m NOT HAPPY that he has to be in the office at 6:30 a.m. tomorrow when it’s still dark outside and the streets may still be blocked off. The following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) the location of tonight’s police shootings in downtown Dallas; and C) where Sam works. Last time I checked the local news there were bomb squads “sweeping” all the downtown parking garages for explosives!

Only in Texas ... a fistfight, threats and screaming at a gospel radio station.

I really really wanted to write a Howdygram post yesterday but got sidetracked by a large volume of important projects. These included: 1) napping twice; 2) kibbitzing with Sam; 3) spending $45 on takeout from King China in Garland; 4) designing a fuckton of fantastic and adorable new products for The Howdygram Store on Zazzle.com; and 5) I think that’s it. I also watched some wonderful teevee, such as “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” and a favorite “Columbo” rerun, the one where Ruth Gordon is a mystery writer who murders her nephew by locking him in a safe overnight while she flies to New York to accept a humanitarian award.

State legislatures are the farm teams for our stupid, dysfunctional Congress.

Happy Tuesday afternoon from Howdygram headquarters. Sam went to work today in a powerful display of weather defiance — FUCK YOU, ICE STORM! — and I’m here at home, holding down the proverbial fort. I’ve always been good at fort-holding-down, especially if it includes a large volume of food. In anticipation of who-knows what I placed an emergency order with Amazon Prime Pantry this morning for the additional essential provisions pictured here.

Try Marcycita’s South-of-the-Border Tamale Bake for Senior Citizens with Hot Sauce.

I’ve just discovered that it’s fun and liberating to wake up at 4:30 in the morning for a routine middle-of-the-night senior citizen bathroom adventure and wind up in the study eating Russell Stover sugar-free marshmallow pumpkins! Right here on my desk I’ve got a great big display box of 36 GORGEOUS FOIL-WRAPPED PUMPKINS filled with FLUFFY MARSHMALLOW CREAM ... exactly like you’d find them next to the register at Walgreens. Seriously, can life get any better than this?

Welcome to Dallas ... where the fun is infectious!

According to a steaming pile of news reports this morning, Dallas County commissioners are considering an EBOLA OUTBREAK DISASTER DECLARATION due to “the potential to suffer widespread or severe damage, injury, loss or threat of life.” There’s an emergency meeting scheduled for this afternoon with coffee and a couple of sweet rolls.

Former President Jimmy Carter is the genuine article.

If you’re a regular Howdygram reader you already know by now that I’m no fan of the religious right, always whining about “persecution” while shoving their brand of artificial pseudo-Christian hate down America’s throat. Based on what I see from their warped displays of faith, therefore, I’m more than willing to accept that former President Jimmy Carter is the genuine article. He doesn’t look for publicity and he doesn’t spew any idiotic anti-woman, anti-minority, anti-gay, Obama-is-the-antichrist horseshit; instead, very quietly, last week President Carter — at age 90! — was here in Dallas for three days helping to build 35 new houses with Habitat for Humanity, something he and Rosalynn have done together all over the U.S. (and around the world) as a Christian ministry for the last 30 years.

If you bet on Texas to contain Ebola, you’ll lose. Rick Perry is as dumb as a box of rocks.

Color me shocked: WE ACTUALLY GOT THOSE BIG-ASS THUNDERSTORMS predicted by Weather.com! They started to blow through here around 5 p.m. with violently strong circular winds, sheets of heavy rain and plenty of noise and lightning. Mesquite survived unscathed except for two brief power outages; areas west of us — such as Arlington near Cowboys Stadium and snooty Highland Park — had considerable damage and about 250,000 residents are still without power. A couple of photos appear below in case you need to see this for yourself.

A senior citizen recipe for happiness, rediscovered soup plates and urgent Texas news.

It’s 4:45 in the morning and I’m here in the study with a tasty Glucerna milkshake for people with diabetes who get up in the middle of the night for no particular reason whatsoever. Until I’m ready to go back to bed I’ll do my best to entertain y’all with a Howdygram post.

Big Tex has been scaring the shit out of people for more than 60 years.

Before I get carried away with this post and drift into assorted subjects, please allow me to make a very important announcement: