A senior citizen recipe for happiness, rediscovered soup plates and urgent Texas news.

It’s 4:45 in the morning and I’m here in the study with a tasty Glucerna milkshake for people with diabetes who get up in the middle of the night for no particular reason whatsoever. Until I’m ready to go back to bed I’ll do my best to entertain y’all with a Howdygram post.

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First up ... I’ve got another new senior citizen recipe! This time it’s NOT EXACTLY MUSHROOM RISOTTO IN A BOWL FOR SENIOR CITIZENS WITH FANCY SPICES, a quick and easy comfort food knockoff that’s perfect for old ladies with lousy knees who can’t stand over a hot stove stirring Italian rice for half an hour. Even better, this recipe is also LOW CARB! The ingredients include two cans of Campbell’s cream of mushroom soup (undiluted), one-third cup of heavy cream, two bags of zero-calorie Miracle Rice and some fresh-cracked pepper. I like McCormick’s peppercorn medley because TECHNICOLOR!

So here’s what you do. Dump the Miracle Rice into a wire strainer and rinse with hot water for a minute or two. Empty both cans of soup into a nice saucepan and add the heavy cream, the Miracle Rice and as much pepper as you think you can stand. Your fake risotto will be ready to eat as soon as it gets hot. THAT’S IT! Easy, right?

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As far as I’m concerned, the very best bowl for your Not Exactly Mushroom Risotto would be THIS ONE from Arcoroc ... a tempered glass 8¼-inch “soup plate” that I bought a couple of days ago on Amazon in a set of six. I’d been searching for bowls like this for a really long time to replace the cheapo plastic ones I found at Wal-Mart when Sam and I first moved to Texas in 2007. I had no luck with this project at all until last weekend when I finally realized what the shape is called. This is a SOUP PLATE; flat on the bottom with curved sides. If you eat in front of the TV watching Ronald Colman movies like I do it’s the perfect dish for damn near EVERYTHING and you won’t get gravy all over your robe. Believe it or not, I owned a set of these about 25 years ago in a past life and they were wonderful then, too!

My new soup plates are being delivered today and I’m delirious with joy. I’d wait outside for the UPS truck except it’s still way too hot here.

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After three nights in a row with shitty interrupted sleep I’ve decided it wouldn’t be a good idea to go to the Choctaw Casino today due to being crabby, tired, my legs hurt and I’m short of breath. I’ll call around 9 a.m. to cancel my power scooter reservation. Don’t tell Sam, but I’m especially despondent about missing the buffet lunch, i.e. the pea salad, good meatballs, all-you-can-eat tartar sauce and sugar-free pie. Holy crap.

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I’ve got two REALLY URGENT TEXAS NEWS STORIES to share with y’all this morning!

REALLY URGENT TEXAS NEWS STORY #1. Presbyterian Hospital at Walnut Hill and Greenville in Dallas admitted a patient yesterday WITH SUSPECTED EBOLA. Based on the individual’s “very specific symptoms” and “recent travel history” the patient is being quarantined and lab tests have been forwarded to the CDC in Atlanta. Ebola in Dallas? We’re so screwed ...

REALLY URGENT TEXAS NEWS STORY #2. Big Bird landed at DFW Airport yesterday! Australia’s Qantas Airlines has started flying the gigantic Airbus A380 daily between Sydney and Dallas — which happens to be the longest commercial air route in the world — and Emirates Air will fly the A380 between Dallas and Dubai.

Need a few stats? The A380 is the largest passenger jet on the planet. It’s eight stories tall, has a wingspan equal to a football field and carries 500 passengers seated on two levels. DFW Airport had to widen two runways and rebuild a passenger terminal to accommodate this sucker because the A380 is so damn huge it occupies two adjacent gates at the same time and requires three jet bridges to load and unload passengers. This is a REALLY BIG DAMN DEAL for Dallas, guys, because the A380 is unable to land at very many airports. We’ve officially joined the ranks of New York and London ... except WE HAVE COWBOY HATS!

I’m absolutely fascinated by this airliner. Here are a few more photos that might interest you.

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It’s almost 9 a.m. and I think I should lie down for a while because I look like a zombie. Strangely enough, my whole body is “jumpy” right now and I actually feel like I’m hopped-up on speed or caffeine. I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep or not but it’s definitely worth a shot or I’ll be a wreck today. Thank you for reading this. Send chicken soup. Also money. (I like money.)