Pleasant and productive activities.

Hi, guys! I’ve had a pleasant and productive day that’s included all of the following pleasant and productive activities so far. There is always a possibility that additional pleasant and productive activities may be added later but we won’t worry too much about that now. Thank you.

I ACCELERATED MY PERSONAL HYGIENE SCHEDULE BY 12 HOURS. For whatever reason I woke up this morning at 9:15 and decided to leap straight into the shower, an activity that confused practically everybody at Howdygram headquarters but felt really swell.

I BOUGHT A FLUFFY NEW NAP-TIME ACCESSORY. Amazon has some terrific knit throws this season, people, and I just bought one for the family room in an attractive shade of burnt orange for only $18.52. I plan to retire the throw I’ve been using for the last seven years due to a lot of unappreciated fuzzy crap that recently started to shed on everything. I am definitely against fuzzy crap.

I FOUND A SWELL DEAL ON DIABETES SUPPLIES. Every now and then I browse around on eBay to check their prices for FreeStyle Lite diabetes test strips and today I did well. I ordered two vials of 50 strips for $47 with free shipping. I wish the prices would stop going up on these damn things. THEY COST MORE THAN INSULIN.

MY AMISH BACON AND AUSTRALIAN CANNED CHEESE ARE ON THE WAY. I’m thoroughly thrilled to report that Pleasant Hill Grain already shipped my Sunday morning order [see previous post) and it will be here Wednesday on a FedEx truck. Incidentally, this is the same day that I have an appointment with my new cardiologist, Dr. Singh. Personally, I think bacon and cheese are the perfect way to commemorate cardiology. Also a side order of lard.

I have a Putz of the Week for you but I’ll have to write a separate post at a later time because it’s already 6:30 and I really need to eat dinner now and watch yesterday’s episode of “Real Housewives of New Jersey.” In case you’re interested, tonight’s menu is No-Stress Sloppy Joes for Senior Citizens with Crappy Hands and Knees [see recipe] on zero-calorie angel hair Miracle Noodles. (I ran out of low-carb onion rolls.)

In the meantime, I’ve got a recent clip from Sarah Palin’s subscription Internet channel. Here she apparently welcomes a pair of stalkers from New Jersey that Todd caught trying to climb over their security fence, and we get to listen to zero conversation whatsoever, watch them taking selfies and wait for Sarah to thread a microphone cord under her stupid brassiere. She doesn’t even know who owns the dog that walks across the table. I find it really hard to believe that people are actually paying money to subscribe to this horseshit. (FYI, the clock on the wall doesn’t function, either.)

Thank you.