I’m really, really sick of the news again and I know I’m not alone here.

I’m grieved to report that going back to bed this morning didn’t really do much to help my complaints du jour. My throat is still raw, my eyes are dripping and I’ve got an annoyingly low body temperature (currently hovering at 95.7°) that makes my skin feel like a dead mackerel. As soon as Sam gets home from Wal-Mart I’ll heat up a nice can of Campbell’s cream of mushroom soup for lunch and try another nap on the chaise. In case you care, Sam is buying no-carb cream (for the soup) plus assorted other Sunday essentials that include sugar-free Jell-O cups in exciting flavors, Hillshire Farm wrinkly chicken lunch meat and some 12-ounce bottles of Coke Zero for my new teeny fridge in the study. Oh boy, right?

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I’m really REALLY sick of the news again and I know I’m not alone here. This shit’s so damn depressing that I can’t even scan headlines any more without having nightmares about beheadings, threats of war, Russian invasions, epidemics, filthy politics, NFL scandals, hostages, abusive cops, race riots, FDA food recalls, fracking, perilous drought and K-MART IS ALREADY ADVERTISING FOR CHRISTMAS. We have to make it fucking STOP already, people! I don’t have the answer except for more old movies, more naps, more Howdygram posts and total emotional isolation from a world that sucks BIG TIME right now. Starting tomorrow my new Firefox home page will be TerribleRealEstateAgentPhotos.com.

Thank you for reading this.