It’s 9:40 Saturday morning and Sam went back to bed about half an hour ago, leaving me alone in the study with a
Marcytini and a big blank screen that’s waiting for a Howdygram post. I’m not feeling especially perky or creative at the present time so you can either bear with me or go watch TV for a little while. (If I were you, I’d watch TV.)
While I wait for shreds of creativity I’m killing some time with one of my favorite activities: SHOPPING. I started with
Wal-Mart and ordered all of the excellent products pictured below. These included: 1) Clif Bar six-packs for Sam in two different flavors; 2) Wal-Mart’s store brand popcorn that does NOT taste like packing peanuts; 3) two jars of Vlasic dill pickle chips; 4) two squeezy things of French’s dijon mustard; 5) tasty Snyder’s pretzels in japaleño and honey mustard (these are for Sam, too); and 6) several packages of teeny Hormel meatballs in shelf-stable microwave trays. The meatballs get five-star reviews on Wal-Mart’s website from hermits and long-haul truckers.
That’s good enough for me!
Energized from my Wal-Mart shopping spree I decided to try my luck with
Amazon and managed to score an amazing Saturday morning bargain on McCormick instant gravy! The big canister of McCormick poultry gravy was HALF-PRICE today at $4.93 — so I ordered TWO — and then decided to throw in a couple of canisters of McCormick instant country gravy because it tastes EXACTLY like the tasty wallpaper paste you get on chicken-fried steak in a restaurant. To tell you the truth, this stuff is so amazing and delicious you could pour it on a fucking PLACE MAT and serve it to company.
Incidentally, these McCormick gravies DO NOT REQUIRE ANY COOKING. You just nuke some water in a nice glass measuring cup until it starts to boil, stir in your powdered gravy with a teeny wire whisk and you’ll be good to go in less than 20 seconds. Gravy is one of my favorite food groups, people. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS TOO MUCH GRAVY.
Which brings me to my latest recipe for senior citizens! This time it’s
CHICKEN-FRIED WHATNOTS FOR SENIOR CITIZENS WITH FAST COUNTRY GRAVY AND BIG BLACK FLECKS, the Howdygram’s accelerated version of traditional chicken-fried steak for old people with mobility problems who can’t hang out at the stove like they used to. Your ingredients are: 1) three
Schwan’s frozen chicken patties; 2) one cup of McCormick instant country gravy; and 3) a lot of coarse ground pepper.
Here’s how to put it all together. Wrap your chicken patties in a couple of paper towels and nuke them for three minutes on high. Microwave one cup of water until it starts to boil. Stir in about six tablespoons of McCormick instant country gravy and a bunch of cracked black pepper, whisk for 20 seconds and pour it all over your chicken patties. This meal takes maybe seven minutes to prepare and YOUR MOUTH WILL NEVER KNOW YOU’RE NOT EATING GENUINE CHICKEN-FRIED STEAK. You can thank me later.
And finally ... please check out these parade photos from the Texas State Fair’s opening day festivities yesterday morning, which was A VERY BIG HOO-HAH with cowboys on horseback, Elvises and lots of girls with legs. I’m so sorry you couldn’t be there in person.
Sam and I wish you and yours a very pleasant Saturday.
No comments:
Post a Comment