Greg Abbott has entered the sixth grade name-calling phase of his gubernatorial campaign.

I know you’ll forgive me for not writing a Howdygram post yesterday. As the old saying goes, the spirit was willing but the rest of me took naps. Two of ’em. At the moment it’s 6:10 a.m., Sam is in bed and I’m having a minor episode of hypoglycemia that I’ll milk for all its worth because low blood sugar makes me feel inebriated and creative at the same time. (Also really, really hungry.)

You may or may not be surprised to learn that our latest Putz of the Week recipient is the same as our last: shitty Greg Abbott, Texas’ Attorney General and the GOP’s candidate to replace shitty Rick Perry as governor in November. (Governor Hairdo is trying to run for President again. This time as an indicted felon.)

So what’s Greg Abbott done now? The juvenile jackass has entered the sixth grade name-calling phase of his gubernatorial campaign. It’s bad enough that he slanders his Democratic opponent Wendy Davis as “abortion Barbie” with idiotic full-color cartoon posters, now he’s issuing official press releases to label her a “flip-flopper” for supporting — of all things — the Dallas Cowboys.

While Davis tours the state talking about education, protection from chemical explosions, inadequate funds for water and transportation, equal pay for women, the abuse of pay day lenders, women’s health and Medicaid expansion, jackass Greg Abbott is pretty sure Texans give a shit who Davis supports for football. He also filed a frivolous complaint with the toothless Texas Ethics Commission to investigate if Wendy Davis’ book deal violates a state law. Abbott is the Attorney General. Shouldn’t he know?

Wendy Davis would be a swell governor. You can click here to support her campaign even if you don’t live in Texas. Thank you in advance for your generosity.

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Looks like it’s time for more poisoned food products, people! First up, thousands of jars of 4C Grated Salmonella Cheese have been recalled by the FDA. The affected jars were mostly distributed in Iowa, Illinois, Michigan, Minnesota, North Dakota, Nebraska, South Dakota and Wisconsin with a Best By date of July 21, 2016 and July 22, 2016.

Second, apparently Farmer’s Rice Cooperative has been selling fraudulently-labeled bags of U.S. No. 1 Extra Fancy Rice to California grocery stores and sushi restaurants for the last four years contaminated with mold, rat shit and insect parts. According to a class-action lawsuit, less than 15% of the product from Farmer’s Rice Cooperative has been fit for human consumption. The brand names in question include New Variety, New Rose and Imperial Rose.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: THIS IS WHY GOD INVENTED CHEETOS. We need to eat safer food, people!

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Anything exciting on your agenda this weekend? Sam was recently eaten up by a bunch of insects again [see previous post] so later this morning he plans to drop in at Baylor’s urgent care clinic here in Mesquite for something stronger than over-the-counter Lanacaine spray. Last time (in June) he went to the E.R. at Baylor Hospital in Garland and they prescribed Prednisone, prescription-strength Diphenhydramine (Benadryl), Cetirizine Hydrochloride and an antibiotic ointment to treat a really nasty rash. This time Sam has a huge itchy mystery welt on his neck and a bunch of lumps on his arm, all of which are driving him crazy and NOT GETTING BETTER. Afterwards we want giant burritos for lunch from Moe’s Southwest Grill because nothing says Get Well Soon And Stop Itching Your Neck Already like a large quantity of Tex-Mex. For your possible interest the following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) Baylor’s urgent care clinic in Mesquite; and C) Moe’s, which is BRAND NEW and just opened on September 4.

Thank you for reading this.