Ebola. We almost had a chance to stop panicking.

I love Saturday mornings! It’s just a few minutes past 6 a.m., Sam is on his way to McDonald’s to buy me a Sausage McMuffin and I’m parked at my desk working on a Howdygram post because THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING TO DO not counting long naps, eating things and insulin injections. (I might be kidding about that last one.)

Motivation and a Marcytini ... the perfect catalyst for a Howdygram post.

It’s another hot and sweaty fall afternoon here in north Texas. Our landscapers just finished mowing for the zillionth time since April, our maid is vacuuming the master bedroom, and I’m comfortably parked at my desk with motivation and a Marcytini ... the perfect catalyst for a Howdygram post. I’ll probably stop halfway, though, for a nap. Because RETIREMENT!

The latest conspiracy theory: President Obama is planning to cancel the 2016 election and declare a dictatorship.

A couple of things. First, Sam assembled our new coffee table a few minutes ago AND IT’S ABSOLUTELY SWELL. Perfect size, perfect color, zero damage, heavy glass, a handy-dandy lower shelf to hold remotes and snacks, and — best of all — TONS OF ROOM UNDERNEATH FOR MY SHITTY FEET. I’m not sure I can explain why room for my feet is such a big deal, but trust me ... it just IS. When you have arthritis and neuropathy you spend most of your life trying to get comfortable, and OUR NEW TABLE DOES IT FOR ME! I’ll bet there are many, many hours of happy, pain-free movie-watching in my future. Glorioski!

Try Marcycita’s South-of-the-Border Tamale Bake for Senior Citizens with Hot Sauce.

I’ve just discovered that it’s fun and liberating to wake up at 4:30 in the morning for a routine middle-of-the-night senior citizen bathroom adventure and wind up in the study eating Russell Stover sugar-free marshmallow pumpkins! Right here on my desk I’ve got a great big display box of 36 GORGEOUS FOIL-WRAPPED PUMPKINS filled with FLUFFY MARSHMALLOW CREAM ... exactly like you’d find them next to the register at Walgreens. Seriously, can life get any better than this?

Welcome aboard the Ebola Magic, Carnival’s newest floating petri dish.

Ebola ... the gift that keeps on giving! Today we learn that a lab supervisor from Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital who most likely handled Thomas Eric Duncan’s infectious specimens IS ON A CARNIVAL CRUISE IN THE CARIBBEAN with 3,690 passengers, thereby creating the world’s largest floating petri dish from hell. And you thought norovirus was bad? Holy shit.

Welcome to Dallas ... where the fun is infectious!

According to a steaming pile of news reports this morning, Dallas County commissioners are considering an EBOLA OUTBREAK DISASTER DECLARATION due to “the potential to suffer widespread or severe damage, injury, loss or threat of life.” There’s an emergency meeting scheduled for this afternoon with coffee and a couple of sweet rolls.

“I Love Lucy” is still a scream and I promise it won’t make you think of Ebola even for a second.

To distract all of us from The Great Ebola Panic of 2014 — which is SCARY SHIT and A VERY REAL THING, especially here in Dallas — I think you should know that today is “I Love Lucy” Day, commemorating the iconic TV comedy’s premier on October 15, 1951, just two stinking weeks before the birth of yours truly.

Welcome to Ebolaville.

Yo, everybody, and happy October 15. It’s 5:30 in the morning and I’ve got some breaking medical news from Ebolaville: Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital — the facility in Dallas where Thomas Eric Duncan died last week — was COMPLETELY UNPREPARED to treat any kind of highly infectious disease. According to a group of nurses who filed a complaint with National Nurses United, they had no protective gear and reportedly left Duncan in a room with other patients for “several hours” before isolating him, exposing at least 76 additional people. The complaint states that a nursing supervisor “faced resistance from other hospital authorities” when she requested moving Duncan to an isolation unit.

Fine dining and wholesome family entertainment are the hallmark of Howdygram headquarters.

Know what? Lots and lots of REALLY EXCITING CRAP is happening around here this week! To prevent an outbreak of general hysteria maybe I’d better organize my thoughts into neatly-subtitled paragraphs for your reading pleasure.

If you bet on Texas to contain Ebola, you’ll lose. Rick Perry is as dumb as a box of rocks.

Color me shocked: WE ACTUALLY GOT THOSE BIG-ASS THUNDERSTORMS predicted by Weather.com! They started to blow through here around 5 p.m. with violently strong circular winds, sheets of heavy rain and plenty of noise and lightning. Mesquite survived unscathed except for two brief power outages; areas west of us — such as Arlington near Cowboys Stadium and snooty Highland Park — had considerable damage and about 250,000 residents are still without power. A couple of photos appear below in case you need to see this for yourself.

A senior citizen recipe for happiness, rediscovered soup plates and urgent Texas news.

It’s 4:45 in the morning and I’m here in the study with a tasty Glucerna milkshake for people with diabetes who get up in the middle of the night for no particular reason whatsoever. Until I’m ready to go back to bed I’ll do my best to entertain y’all with a Howdygram post.