Please don’t overlook Yoder’s canned bacon.

Hi-de-ho and a happy Sunday to you and yours from The Howdygram! It’s high noon, and while Sam is canoodling around at Tom Thumb — cream cheese for him, a pleasant loaf of French bread for moi — I’m pleased to provide the following Kvetch Report.

I watched 15 minutes of the Grammy Awards last night.

I wrote a post yesterday about canned cheese for senior citizens but forgot to tell you where to buy it. This was an oversight of monumental proportions and one that I certainly hope I’ll never repeat in my lifetime. Therefore, click here to buy these wonderful little cans of really excellent Australian cheddar cheese from Pleasant Hill Grain.

Surviving canned cheese, green olives, an oncoming migraine and Bruce Jenner.

It’s 3:45 Sunday morning, Sam is Phoenix AND I’VE GOT A CRAVING. I desperately need a can of Australian cheddar cheese and a bowl of nice big green olives stuffed with red whatnots, pictured below for your possible interest. Even though I’ve got both items in the refrigerator there are a couple of pivotal issues holding me back from a trip to the kitchen: 1) knee pain; and 2) I think I feel a migraine starting, in which case I’d be way better off in bed with the lights out instead of eating things in the family room with this week’s episode of “Millionaire Matchmaker.”

Winter Storm Astro? Shovel it and let’s move on!

Batten down the hatches, everybody ... AIRMAGEDDON is on the way! Those hysterical whack-job spin doctors at Weather.com are calling this one Winter Storm Astro, but we know what it really is: REGULAR COLD WEATHER. Do they seriously think the United States will have a brain hemorrhage about snow in Minneapolis and Michigan? It ALWAYS snows in Minneapolis and Michigan! It’s the middle of November, you dickheads, NOT THE MIDDLE OF JUNE. Shovel it and let’s move on!

Pleasant and productive activities.

Hi, guys! I’ve had a pleasant and productive day that’s included all of the following pleasant and productive activities so far. There is always a possibility that additional pleasant and productive activities may be added later but we won’t worry too much about that now. Thank you.

Announcing another delicious convenience for housebound old ladies with shitty knees.

Know what happens when I get hungry? I buy amazings edible things on the interwebs! Last night I reordered more of that surprisingly tasty YODERS CANNED BACON from the nice people at Pleasant Hill Grain. I love this stuff, guys. Yoders manages to shove 52 regular-size slices of fully-cooked, ready-to-eat bacon in every can ... no more greasy frying pans or bacon shpritzies all over the stove! I ordered two cans this time. One for now, one for later.