Amazon has face masks and latex gloves.

Happy Tuesday morning, y’all. Sam is hiking around in his favorite forest on the south side of Mesquite and I’m drinking sugar-free punch and noshing on pitted Greek olives. Damn, I love these things!

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Know what I just found out? AMAZON HAS FACE MASKS AND LATEX GLOVES, and the prices are reasonable and there are plenty of different sellers and manufacturers. A few products are sold out, of course, and others are being reserved for medical professionals, but there are lots of options for the rest of us and I had no problem whatsoever ordering a box of 50 masks for Sam so he’ll feel protected and responsible when he goes to the supermarket. (We already have hundreds of latex gloves on hand because the hospice keeps us supplied for all the nurses and aides that stop by.)

Therefore, the Howdygram’s senior medical advisor — that would be me, I guess — strongly recommends that all of you place orders with Amazon for masks and gloves. Thank you, and live and be well.

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I don’t need to waste too much time introducing today’s collection of fascinating free fonts, do I? We’ve got something for everybody here … scripts, hand-dawn fonts, display fonts, you name it! I think my favorites are “Almond Caramel,” “Minthas,” “Unicorn Dancing” and “Retrograde,” because they’ll all look terrific on mugs and greeting cards for The Howdygram Store. Download links will appear immediately after the graphic.

Abella • Minthas • Jazking • Wildlast • Andry • Dustine • Kriuk

Almond Caramel • Melon Juice • Sianok Valley • Brighly Crush • BannerType

Unicorn Dancing • Retrograde • Cambridge

But wait … there’s more! I also have eight fantastic clipart fonts today, each one packed with funny little illustrations. I can’t pick a favorite, because I actually love ALL of them. If you want any of these for your personal collection I’ll include download links below the graphic. Enjoy!

Coronavirus • Hoder • Foliga • Damen 2 • Comic Boom Elements

Orments • Mickey • MF 26 Banners

Yes, friends, there really IS a Coronavirus clipart font. God save us all. But it came in handy today when I decided to create a new Howdygram post subheading — “An Idiot’s Coronavirus Survival Guide” (see top of page) — and needed a graphic to go along with it. I suppose the Howdygram is an instant pop culture hit, right?

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Sam and I have made a significant change to my hospice care. I mentioned in my last post that we wanted to cut back on my C.N.A. bathing/hygiene sessions from five days a week to three days a week (Monday, Wednesday and Friday). After a little additional discussion, however, we decided to go with ZERO days a week, which would eliminate my C.N.A. bathing and hygiene sessions entirely. If you’re wondering why, it’s because most C.N.A.s don’t do a very good job of it, and I’m sick of “training” them. So for the time being Sam will be in charge of my bathing and hygiene (he’s excellent), and we can schedule our sessions any time of the day or night, whenever we’re in the mood. For example, we scheduled today’s session at 4:30 in the morning. We were both wide awake at the time, and immediately afterwards Sam got dressed and went for an hour-long hike in the woods.

In case you need a visual, the following map indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; B) cattle ranches in Sunnyvale; C) Samuell Farm in southern Mesquite, which is Sam’s favorite hiking destination; D) our Wal-Mart Supercenter on the I-30 service road; E) China City; and F) the western shore of the lovely Lake Ray Hubbard Reservoir.

I’m sure you’ve guessed by now that items B, D, E and F technically have nothing whatsoever to do with the subject of “Hospice Palooza.” I decided to include them here just for the hell of it.

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James Drury, who starred in one of the longest running westerns in TV history, “The Virginian,” which aired from 1962 to 1971, died of natural causes on Monday at the age of 85.

While “The Virginian” was his most famous role, Drury also appeared in a few westerns on the big screen, including 1959’s Good Day for Hanging and 1960’s Ten Who Dared and Ride the High Country. His other credits included Love Me Tender (1956) alongside Elvis Presley, Bernardine (1957) opposite Pat Boone, and Pollyanna (1960) with Hayley Mills. Big deal, right?

Drury also had a sprinkling of guest spots on various TV shows like “Gunsmoke,” “Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In,” Walker, Texas Ranger” and “Ironside.” He is survived by his third wife, two children and a couple of great cowboy hats.

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Before I sign off for tonight I’d like to mention that I just repeated my order for kishka and gravy from Liebman’s Deli in New York via Goldbelly.com. This stuff was so unbelievably delicious when I ordered it for the first time a couple of weeks ago that I knew I’d have to do it all over again, and SOON. And this time they were even offering $15 off. Yes! On the downside, however, Liebman’s is taking a two-week break for Passover, so my order won’t ship until April 23. But at least it’s for overnight delivery.

Thank you for reading this. For the time being, please remember the Alamo but keep your distance. (I’d hate for Davy Crocket’s ghost to get sick.)