If Sam accidentally watches a Carmen Miranda movie he could have a brain hemorrhage.

Here for your possible interest are FOUR EXCELLENT THINGS that happened at Howdygram headquarters since Sam’s been in California.

I FINALLY HAVE A NORMAL SLEEPING SCHEDULE. Since last Wednesday I’ve been going to bed around 1 a.m. and waking up by 8:30 in the morning, which is truly momentous for me because one week earlier it was completely reversed ... going to bed at 8:30 in the morning and waking up mid-afternoon. This is really TERRIFIC, people, and I’d like to extend my thanks to all of you who prayed for me to be normal. I think it might be working.

I’M LOVING THE DISH NETWORK. Last night I discovered a cool feature of our new Dish Network DVR! By using the Options button on the remote you can create digital folders, label them and organize your saved movies based on any categories you want ... just like you do with documents on your computer! Right now I only have one folder — “Nap Time” — with about a dozen of our favorite sleeping movies in it. I also want to create two more: 1) a “Musicals” folder so Sam won’t accidentally watch a Carmen Miranda movie and have a brain hemorrhage; and 2) one for “Classic TV” reruns like “The Andy Griffith Show,” “Columbo” and the Three Stooges.

FYI, a sleeping movie is one that you don’t mind sleeping through because you’ve seen it so many times already you can recite the lines. For me this would include movies like The Kennel Murder Case (1933) starring William Powell, Murder at the Gallop (1963) starring Margaret Rutherford, Dial M for Murder (1954) starring Grace Kelly and Ray Milland, and Ruggles of Red Gap (1935) starring Charles Laughton and Roland Young.

I’VE BEEN ABLE TO WATCH LOTS OF TV THAT SAM DOESN’T LIKE. I refer specifically to a three-hour special on the life of Queen Elizabeth on the Smithsonian Channel, several painfully corny Tammy movies starring Debbie Reynolds and/or Sandra Dee, and Muscle Beach Party (1964) starring Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello.

AT LAST, I CAN LIVE WITH THE HOWDYGRAM’S COLOR PALETTE. For the last several days I’ve been dicking around with the “gold foil” in the banner and the color of the type in my posts. I think I finally love it, which is a huge fucking relief since there’s no easy way to change the HTML code for text and headline colors. Here’s a screen shot in case you think I’m kidding. (The Howdygram’s coding actually scrolls on for screen after screen after screen.)

It’s finally a nice relief to get rid of the weird brownish/olive-greenish/diarrhea-color text I’d been using for the last few weeks in favor of the nice normal “healthy poop” tan you’re seeing now.

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