Guess who signed on for season 24 of ABC’s “Dancing with the Losers.”

I promised a medical update when my lab results were ready, remember? In a word, they turned out REALLY SWELL (okay, two words) and I’d like to share the highlights with you and yours before I forget.

Earlier today on Fox News Donald Trump said Shimon Peres’ funeral is “rigged.”

Sam is coming home from California today. Oy, finally! To say I’ve missed my adorable string bean is the understatement of the year. To fill the time until his flight lands at 4:50 this afternoon, I’ll be: 1) working on this Howdygram post; 2) answering assorted emails from my best friend Sandi; 3) eating things; and 4) taking a nice shower with seriously hot water. All of these will be accomplished in no particular order whatsoever. Thank you.

Fourteen fabulous fonts and two pathetic dancers.

Good morning, how’s the family and happy Tuesday, boys and girls! As I listen to our landscapers outside whacking away at the lawn I’ve been up to my ears in thrilling new FREE FONTS from my two favorite websites, iFonts.xyz and BeFonts.com. Today’s haul is enough to choke a horse and I want to get this part of my post out of the way immediately. Thank you.

Everybody at DirecTV is a stinking psychopath.

You know what? I really didn’t plan to write about this again [see previous post] but I saw a news item online yesterday that changed my mind. Ready for this? Former Texas Governor Rick “Dumbass” Perry will join Marcia Brady (Maureen McCormick), Vanilla Ice and disgraced Olympian Ryan Lochte on season 23 of ABC-TV’s “Dancing with the Total Losers.” I honestly can’t think of anything more likely to make me puke than Rick Perry — or douchebag Ryan Lochte either, for that matter! — in sequined pants trying to do the mambo. Holy crap.

Inspiration and deep thoughts from Ryan Lochte: “Water is practically part of my life.”

I hate it when I can’t keep promises I make to myself. For instance, I promised myself I’d finish uploading my latest 17 bottle opener designs for The Howdygram Store ... and then I totally FORGOT due to a seriously annoying health-related incident — a “leakage” hoo-hah that happened twice in two days — to which I always respond by falling asleep and remaining unconscious for as long as possible (and as often as possible) until I don’t feel depressed about it any more. Most recently it was a six-hour nap that ended at 1:30 in the morning — about 90 minutes ago — and so here I am, wide awake with a cup of sugar-free Hawaiian Punch and a couple of mostly-stale pretzel rods.

Faster than a speeding bullet ... only seven days for a federal tax refund!

Hi-de-ho from Texas, y’all! It’s an overcast Saturday morning with rain creeping in from the south, Sam is buttering my English muffin in the kitchen and I have nothing whatsoever to do today. This is no huge surprise, however, since I almost NEVER have anything to do ... not counting frequent naps and eating things.