I get to see my visiting podiatrist on Friday. Toenails ahoy!

Yo, everybody. The Howdygram’s staff meteorologist (me) would like to report that it’s another cold, dark day here in Texas! The temperature outside is only 32° at 3 p.m., and that means I need a nice bowl of hot soup with my special spoon* and a second blanket. Where the fuck is SPRING already?!

Michael Cohen will testify today before the House Oversight Committee … at last!

Shalom and best wishes from Howdygram headquarters! It’s a dark, overcast day here in Texas … the first of many that we’re expecting over the next couple of weeks, as illustrated by the following screen grab from Weather.com. For now our daytime temperatures are “mild,” but that’s using general standards for March weather in North America. For Texas, this is awfully goddamn COLD.

Every day (in the right sidebar) we’ll feature the same head in a different outrageous hat.

It’s the wee hours of Monday morning, 2:43 a.m., and all’s well at Howdygram headquarters. Sam is in the study eating a breakfast croissant and I just finished watching a truly excellent movie: Hyde Park on Hudson (2012) starring Bill Murray and Laura Linney in a sweet, historically accurate remembrance of one weekend in the life of President Franklin Roosevelt in 1939. Sam and I both loved this movie to pieces and decided to keep it stored on our DVR for the time being. (We firmly believe that all good movies deserve repeat viewings.)

I wish the Texas legislature would stop fucking around with legitimate prescriptions for opioids.

It’s a cold (48°), rainy, foggy, and generally nasty morning here in the Dallas metro area. I’m shivering in bed under two afghans and Sam just left for his daily pre-dawn hike in the woods, this time in a down jacket, gloves and knit beanie. Seriously. It’s supposed to warm up later today (68° according to Weather.com) so I’m always amazed that Sam wants to walk at 5:30 a.m. when it’s still cold and dark.

Thank you for putting up with me.

Good morning to one and all. It’s 1:45 a.m., I’m wide awake, drinking iced tea and typing maniacally from my hospital bed in the family room. I wish I had a couple of Nutri-Grain bars to keep me company, but they’re in the kitchen and I’m bedridden.

I hadn’t thought seriously about chewing gum for decades.

Shit. I’m freezing. I don’t know if I have a fever (always a possibility) or if the temperature in the family room is a little too low, but if I could get my hands on a hat and mittens right now I’d be an awfully happy elderly camper. Actually, I haven’t eaten much today, so I’m thinking a serious lack of food might be the answer to this. I might consider waking Wolfgang (he’s asleep on the sofa) to ask for a nice Totino’s Supreme Party Pizza (only $1.06 from Wal-Mart) with iced tea and a Twinkie. Health food ROCKS.

Consider spending spring break at the Alamo this year. It can be as much fun as Disney World.

Happy Friday, everybody. It’s a few minutes past 5 a.m., Sam is getting ready to go for his morning walk in the woods, and I’m trying to decide whether or not I’m hungry. (Quick decision: I am.) Fortunately there’s some lovely and interesting leftover food in the fridge right now, specifically: 1) a very juicy Sam-made cheeseburger; and 2) one slice of pizza.

I’ve been really busy designing a flock of new greeting cards.

Oy. I have to hurry up and publish this post so I won’t be tardy with my annual attractive Valentine’s Day graphic. It’s 11:09 p.m., and I’d like to wish y’all a happy last-minute Valentine’s Day from Sam and me! (If it’s already too late in your time zone, I’ll try to do better next year.)

Two excellent frozen pizzas for senior citizens, up close and personal.

SUNDAY, 2/10/2019, 3:45 A.M. Holy shit … I’m freezing! It’s the wee hours of Sunday morning, I’m buried beneath two knit afghans (a tan one and a red one) and I’m still shivering! I suspect that my urinary tract infection is playing havoc with me right now. I’ve got all the usual symptoms and probably a low-grade fever, too … which is why I’ve been frozen solid since Sam went to bed at midnight. Even worse, the weather is atrocious, too. Today’s high will be 41° with constant rain starting around 10 a.m. and lasting until mid-day on Monday. Rain, rain, rain! (Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!) And my arthritis sucks right now, too. Cold wet weather is just miserable for coots like me with shitty knees. GOD BLESS HYDROCODONE!

I’m old, I’m bedridden, I’m susceptible and I’m catheterized.

FRIDAY, 2/8/2019, 9:27 P.M. It’s a rather pleasant Friday evening here at Howdygram headquarters. While Sam enjoys his usual after-dinner nap I’ve decided to write a quick post because there’s all kinds of important shit you need to know. Grab a chair!

I’m in my hospital bed with a wireless Mac keyboard on my stomach.

It’s a balmy, lazy winter’s night in Texas. At 10 p.m. the temperature outside is still hovering at 74°, and Sam and I are in our favorite positions here in the family room … he’s asleep on the sofa, and me? I’m in my hospital bed with a wireless Mac keyboard on my stomach! The air-conditioning has been running since early this morning when I got so overheated I wanted to crawl out of my skin.

My night-time guilty pleasure? A whole Sara Lee cheesecake and a soup spoon.

This has been a weird yet profoundly productive day for your favorite bedridden invalid. My activities have included: 1) designing two mugs and four thrilling new greeting cards for The Howdygram Store; 2) one long nap; 3) brushing my hair twice; 4) eating a small plate of mozzarella sticks with pasta sauce; 5) watching three fine movies … She Wore a Yellow Ribbon (1949) starring John Wayne, The Court Jester (1955) starring Danny Kaye, Basil Rathbone and Angela Lansbury, and Anchors Aweigh (1945) starring Gene Kelly and Frank Sinatra; 6) getting overheated and asking Sam to turn on the air-conditioning; and 7) eating a Hostess Ding-Dong.

The first time Sam and I saw this movie we nearly peed in our pants.

Happy Monday, boys and girls! It’s a few minutes past 7 a.m., Sam is still out for his daily “power walk” at a park in south Mesquite, and I just woke up from a juicy little nap. Just another typical morning here at Howdygram headquarters … but already with a truckload of pain in my legs, knees and feet. Therefore I just took my breakfast-time meds and 20mg of Hydrocodone. I know I’ll feel much better about half an hour from now. Hurry! 

I’d been dying to do this for about two years.

It’s a nice, lazy Saturday here at Howdygram headquarters, there’s nothing much going on, and I’ve been enjoying a pleasant movie called Keeper of the Flame (1942) starring Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn. This is probably one of the lesser-known Tracy/Hepburn pairings, but it’s definitely a good one and I’ve always liked this film. Co-stars include Keenan Wynn and Lucille Ball. As soon as it’s over I have to get back to binge-watching “Bar Rescue,” because more than 20 additional episodes are programmed to record on our DVR and if I fall too far behind I’ll never catch up. Oy, God forbid!