Two excellent frozen pizzas for senior citizens, up close and personal.

SUNDAY, 2/10/2019, 3:45 A.M. Holy shit … I’m freezing! It’s the wee hours of Sunday morning, I’m buried beneath two knit afghans (a tan one and a red one) and I’m still shivering! I suspect that my urinary tract infection is playing havoc with me right now. I’ve got all the usual symptoms and probably a low-grade fever, too … which is why I’ve been frozen solid since Sam went to bed at midnight. Even worse, the weather is atrocious, too. Today’s high will be 41° with constant rain starting around 10 a.m. and lasting until mid-day on Monday. Rain, rain, rain! (Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!) And my arthritis sucks right now, too. Cold wet weather is just miserable for coots like me with shitty knees. GOD BLESS HYDROCODONE!

Click here to view a detailed explanation of our Shit-O-Meter numbers.

Incidentally, about half an hour ago Sam had to play “nursie” for me. I was feeling awfully uncomfortable, so I asked him to: 1) roll me onto my left side; 2) shmear more barrier cream all over my back; 3) readjust my nightgown; 4) help me reposition myself on the hospital bed; and 5) nuke me six teeny Totino’s Pizza Rolls. (Yes, they’re still on the market, and yes, they’re still extremely tasty!)

That’s an awful lot of hoo-hah for this hour of the morning. Normal people would be asleep now. (We’re not normal, though. Trust me.)

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Today’s list of fonts are all adorable, versatile and ABSOLUTELY FREE. We’ve got nice scripts (“Marana,” “Margreta” and “Simply Sweet”), all kinds of fun display fonts (“Chocolate Martini,” “Eitaro,” “Hippo,”) and an excellent serif family (“Sharpe”) in five weights with really gorgeous coordinating italics. Download links will appear below the graphic in case you want to add any of these fonts to your private collection.

Marana • Doodle-Chalk • Hippo Sans • Eitaro • Larys Manice

Simply Sweet Duo • Sharpe Family • Chocolate Martini • Margreta

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I haven’t written a senior citizen food review for a long time, so I guess this is overdue! Today I’m reviewing SAM’S CHOICE THIN CRUST SUPREME PIZZA ($4.97) from Wal-Mart’s frozen food case, which is a “loaded” supreme pizza with: 1) multiple cheeses; 2) large slices of very good pepperoni; 3) Italian sausage that’s even better than the pepperoni; 4) onions; 5) green and red bell pepper; 6) nice black olive slices; and 7) a really outstanding, thoroughly edible crispy crust. The meats and veggies are all substantial in size (especially the Italian sausage) and the pizza sauce tastes homemade.

Sam and I had our first Sam’s Choice Thin Crust Supreme Pizza about two weeks ago, and it was so damn good we just bought another one. We loved it. This pizza is as good as a pizzeria and costs less than five bucks, which means it’s the perfect answer to a pizza craving and cheap enough for a fixed income. I’m pleased to award Sam’s Choice Thin Crust Supreme Pizza with the Howdygram’s coveted five-chopper rating.

As long as I’m reviewing frozen pizzas I’d like to add another one for your possible interest … TOTINO’S COMBINATION PARTY PIZZA. These tasty little things are available in at least eight different styles, but Sam and I always buy either the Combination or the Supreme. Usually both. These substantial, individual-sized rectangular pizzas are loaded with toppings, measure about 7" x 10" and are much, much better than you’d ever expect a $1 pizza to be. (We’ve got at least half a dozen in our frreezer.)

The Howdygram is proud to award Totino’s Party Pizza with our five-chopper rating, too. This pizza isn’t exactly comparable to the Sam’s Club product (above) but it still earns our highest rating for a flavorful $1 meal that’s a lot better — and larger — than you’d expect. A tasty and decent option for senior citizens on a budget, and it fits perfectly in a toaster oven. A professional portrait appears below … with the choppers for accent. Thank you.

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SUNDAY, 5:28 P.M. It’s late afternoon now, dark outside, awfully dismal, and it’s been raining almost all day. As expected. No surprises. As for me, I don’t believe I’ve eaten much today, and that’s probably because I’ve been asleep all day with oxygen up my nose. I’ve been losing four and five-hour hunks of time and just woke up from another nap. Around 12:30 p.m. I had a bowl of shrimp-flavor ramen noodles … and that’s honestly all I can remember! I woke up 10 minutes ago, dazed and confused (this happens to me a lot lately), and Sam is still asleep on the sofa. Oy, what a family.

It just happened again. I composed the previous paragraph, and the next thing I know it’s 7:35 p.m. Another two hours, GONE. I’m starting to freak out here, guys. I think I need Twinkies … but I’ll have to make do with Hydrocodone!

SUNDAY, 10:57 P.M. I think I’d better wrap this up for tonight, eat a snack and watch a movie. I have quite a life, don’t I? Thank you for reading this, and you have my permission to forget the Alamo if you think it would help!