I hadn’t thought seriously about chewing gum for decades.

Shit. I’m freezing. I don’t know if I have a fever (always a possibility) or if the temperature in the family room is a little too low, but if I could get my hands on a hat and mittens right now I’d be an awfully happy elderly camper. Actually, I haven’t eaten much today, so I’m thinking a serious lack of food might be the answer to this. I might consider waking Wolfgang (he’s asleep on the sofa) to ask for a nice Totino’s Supreme Party Pizza (only $1.06 from Wal-Mart) with iced tea and a Twinkie. Health food ROCKS.

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Know what? I’ve got another sweet herd of free fonts for y’all tonight! Included in the mix are some fun display fonts (“Haunted Serif,” “Scandie Box”), standard text fonts (“Gwyner,” “Comspot”) and a very cool layering font (“Hello Guys”) that even comes with a cute collection of vector doodles and illustrations. You’ll find download links below the graphic.

Haunted Serif • Gwyner Family • Matthews Thin • Comspot Family

Scandie Box • Hello Guys • Mount

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This might be a good time to discuss that scary medical issue from a couple of weeks [read my post from February 9] about a “severe early breakdown” of the skin on my back (which looked and felt like a third-degree burn) and everybody getting hysterical about imminent infection and impending death. As it turns out, however, the issue was actually an acute heat rash that we cleared up in just two days with a miracle barrier cream, courtesy of my hospice. In addition, Sam invented an easy way to drape cotton fabric on the top half of my hospital bed, which cooled down my skin and I started to feel normal again. We’re going to continue the cotton fabric thing forever. Preventative medicine, y’all.

Jesus. It’s always something, isn’t it?

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I just finished watching one of my all-time favorite MGM musicals! It’s Royal Wedding (1951), starring Fred Astaire and Jane Powell as a brother/sister musical comedy team in London to open a road tour of their hit Broadway show, plus Peter Lawford as Jane’s love interest. That said, there are actually several wonderful numbers in this movie that I especially love: 1) “How Could You Believe Me When I Said I Loved You When You Know I’ve Been a Liar All My Life,” the longest title of any song in MGM musical history; 2) “You’re All the World to Me,” in which Fred dances on the walls and ceiling of his hotel room; 3) “Too Late Now,” a gorgeous romantic ballad; and 4) “The Happiest Days of My Life,” also a gorgeous romantic ballad.

Both gorgeous romantic ballads are sung by Jane Powell.

For your possible interest, Fred and Jane perform “How Could You Believe Me When I Said I Loved You When You Know I’ve Been a Liar All My Life” in the video clip below. It’s a funny, adorable number and, if you give a shit, totally out of character for Fred Astaire (no top hat, no tux). In this number he plays a lying, no-good womanizer, and Jane literally beats the crap out of him for it at the end of the song. Please set aside a couple of minutes and enjoy the following video, okay? (I even love the fact that both of them are chewing gum!)

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Please allow me to digress from typical Howdygram business while I discuss the last line in the paragraph just above the video clip. Specifically, I refer to chewing gum, because I hadn’t actually thought about gum for decades.

Mom and dad were gum chewers. They always kept a few packs of Wrigley’s Spearmint and Doublemint in the kitchen cabinet above the sink along with mom’s bags of Coffee Nips and hard candy. I chewed gum all the time as a kid (before I wore braces from ages 8 through 12) and chewed fanatically all through junior high school (due to a preponderance of Beatles cards). Plus, there was also imported Israeli bubble gum — I think it was called “Chum gum” — an addiction that popped into my life (pun intended) when I found a little Jewish corner drug store half a block from the rabbi’s house where I had private Hebrew lessons on Sundays with my BFF Sandi. I chewed a helluva lot of Chum gum during Hebrew class! (It kept my mind off Hebrew, which was my primary goal.)

I also loved huge turquoise Sputnik gumballs, but I can’t for the life of me remember where I bought them.

It should come as no surprise, however, that my life turned out to be one long dental nightmare that finally drew to a close in January 2018 with the extraction of my seven remaining teeth — an event that occurred right here in our family room, courtesy of a Dallas dental practice that makes house calls! — thus propelling me into a year of unrivaled comfort, joy and peace of mind. NO MORE EMERGENCIES!

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This is enough for now, because it’s already 7:30 Tuesday night, I haven’t had any dinner, and I’d like to design a new line of mouse pads for The Howdygram Store. Also a few more mugs.

Thank you for reading this, and please feel free to do whatever the hell you want with the Alamo.