Incidentally, if you dislike descriptive prose about bowel movements please feel free to skip the following paragraph.
So here goes. I woke up this morning at 10, said “hey howdy” to Sam and announced that I had to use the commode … like, IMMEDIATELY. However using the commode is something I rarely do any more, because: 1) I’m catheterized; and 2) Morphine makes you as constipated as the petrified fucking forest. But when you O.D. on a combination of three over-the-counter laxative products, #2, quite literally, is history. This morning’s intestinal hoo-hah was PHENOMENAL, so-to-speak, as well as being my first substantial commode incident since I got home from the hospital at the end of May. (You read that right. Four weeks ago!)
I’m finished writing about poop now. Thank you.
Download links will appear below the graphic in case you want a few of these for your private collection. My favorites today are “Desire Lite,” “The Brown,” “Dreadful” and those terrific little drawings in “Esoterica.”
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| Two of my all-time favorites … spicy Grey Poupon and squishy little Vienna sausages. |
Because I’ve had so much difficulty trying to eat sitting up today, I think I’ll request my final meal of the day after I go back to the chaise lounge ... I want a can of Read’s German Potato Salad with a plastic fork. And if I can convince Sam to go to Wal-Mart tomorrow I’ll ask him to bring home a few extra cans of Read’s 3-Bean Salad and German Potato Salad (pictured below). They’re fabulous. I’m also probably running out of Popsicles.
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| If you’ve never tried them, Read’s canned “salads” are a real taste sensation. |
So what’s the difference? PALLIATIVE CARE focuses on providing comfort and relief from the symptoms, ailments, and pain that accompany a chronic or life-threatening illness ... regardless of whether or not the illness is terminal. HOSPICE CARE begins when the diagnosis is terminal and& gives the patient a chance to live any remaining time in comfort, without pain, and maybe choosing to forego life-prolonging treatment options.
Truly, I apologize if I led anybody to believe I’m terminally ill, because I’m not. However, due to severe chronic pain I’m unable to walk or stand up, I’ve been housebound for the last six years and I pretty much live in the family room. In addition, I also have a long list of chronic/serious illnesses that includes: 1) congestive heart failure; 2) atrial fibrillation; 3) chronic kidney disease; 4) kidney infections; 5) recurring bouts of sepsis; 6) shitty mystery fevers; 7) difficulty swallowing; 8) really dry skin; 9) diabetes; 10) diabetic neuropathy; 11) ugly feet with one screaming baby toe; 12) gout; 13) arthritis; and 14) I’m getting awfully depressed. I think I need to watch a couple of “The Andy Griffith Show” reruns. Or “Columbo” maybe.
Thank you for putting up with me.
It’s 9:25 p.m. and maybe I should get back to the chaise and put my feet up. I’ve been sitting at my computer desk since 10:30 this morning … holy shit, that’s almost 12 hours!
Have yourself a merry little Tuesday evening, thank you for reading this and don’t forget to remember the Alamo if you have time before the next commercial break.
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