It’s 11:15 a.m., and as I write this post I’m trying to un-cramp my shoulders. Both arms hurt like hell when I woke up this morning and they still feel wretched. (I’ll enjoy sitting up this afternoon.)
In the meantime, Sam is at Wal-Mart right now! This week’s list grocery includes a number of hoo-hahs I haven’t requested before, such as Sabra Hummus, soft pita bread, Kraft Cherry Cheesecake Cups, Jell-O Sugar-Free Crème Brulée Rice Pudding Cups (pictured below) and Stouffer’s frozen Spinach Souffles. Holy mother of crap … I’M HUNGRY!
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| Jesus … I think this could be a whole new FDA food group! |
To tell you the truth, I really don’t think Sam will find any of these things at our little Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market ... but it’s always worth a shot. Wal-Mart typically doesn’t stock any fancy shit like hummus, cherry cheesecake or spinach souffles, the latter only showing up on store shelves in time for the winter holidays. (He’ll probably have to go to Tom Thumb.)
It’s 4:35 p.m. and Sam is assembling my new rolling computer desk, which was delivered half an hour ago while we were watching “Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.” (I record this show on Sunday nights because we usually fall asleep when it’s on.)
But let’s get back to what’s really important here: MY NEW COMPUTER DESK!
When Sam opened the carton he commented on the weight of the pieces, which makes sense because the finished desk can hold a complete computer workstation (up to 300 pounds) and measures 48" L x 23.5" W x 29.5" H. As a matter of fact, this desk will change my life this week … as soon as it’s assembled I can call Half-Price Geeks and make an appointment for them to move my iMac workstation from the study to the family room … so I can get back to designing greeting cards, mugs, throw pillows, mouse pads, padfolios, iPhone cases and more for The Howdygram Store. It’s been months since I’ve been able to use my iMac and my fancy Adobe Creative Cloud software … I’m so excited I think I’ll have a brain hemorrhage.
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| This very large, very solid rolling computer desk will change my life this week. |
It’s already 5:30 and Sam is still assembling my desk … by the time he’s done it will definitely be too late to call Half-Price Geeks today. Please stay tuned for additional information.
I recorded a few crappy horror movies today from the late 1950s and early 1960s, and we’ll watch one of them tonight during dinner: From Hell It Came (1957) starring a pair of D-listers named Tod Andrews and Tina Carver. (Who?) DISH Network’s online guide gives it one star and describes the acting as “wooden.” (When you see the following photo, you’ll know why.) I’ll post a review after we’ve had a chance to see this ridiculous thing. Tell your friends!
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| A monster tree trunk on the rampage in “From Hell It Came.” Holy shit. |
Okay, maybe I’m getting a little carried away with that “dawn of creation” baloney, but you get my drift. FROM HELL IT CAME makes The Brain That Wouldn’t Die (1962) look more like Ben-Hur. It takes place on a remote South Seas island with a lot of ugly middle-aged natives (all Caucasians with brown makeup) wearing loincloths and sarongs. The islanders have been unlucky recipients of fallout from nuclear bomb testing — a typical horror movie topic in the 1950s — in addition to a lot of soap opera wife-swapping, fear, paranoia, hatred of Americans and crazed women sneaking around with knives. Of course, there’s also a small colony of American scientists and doctors trying to help the natives with their diseases (and other issues not related to nuclear bomb tests) … but it seems they’re in fear for their lives due to a monster on the island that’s the reincarnated body of a local native named Kimo who got executed for murdering his own father. To everybody’s horror, of course, Kimo comes back as a GIGANTIC TREE TRUNK — with eyes, arms, legs and a disgusting beating heart covered with tree bark — that lumbers (no pun intended) all over the island seeking revenge and throwing people into a dreaded pool of quicksand at the edge of the jungle. (Shudder.)
So everybody agrees the tree has to die. The islanders try trapping the tree by watching it fall into a huge pit (very stupid scene) and then setting it on fire, but the tree survives and starts lumbering around the island again. Then the Americans take their turn. They shoot it full of bullets, upon which they learn that bullets can’t kill a tree, and then use a willing islander as bait to lure the tree into the aforementioned dreaded quicksand … AND IT WORKS! Ding, dong, the tree is dead! The islanders decide they love Americans after all! Let’s dance! Let’s order new loincloths from Sears Roebuck! All is well! Life is good! THE END!
The Howdygram would like to award From Hell It Came with a one-star ★ rating for being a shitty movie with shitty actors, a shitty plot and shitty costumes, particularly the “monster,” which eerily looks a lot like a leftover apple tree from The Wizard of Oz.
It’s nearly midnight now, and believe it or not I’m waiting for a Morphine delivery that might not arrive until 1 or 2 a.m., and that’s because there was a screw-up with the hospice pharmacy. I was supposed to received my refill yesterday, but the pharmacy was still working from my original prescription (15mg twice a day), but since I actually take 30mg twice a day now they demaded a totally new script before they’d fill it again. So I’m waiting ...
And lo and behold … my Morphine just arrived! Eureka! Yee-haw! Life is so fucking wonderful I almost can’t stand it!
Oh, I forgot to mention something. Sam had no problem assembling my rolling computer desk today, and so tomorrow — before I call Half-Price Geeks for an appointment — he’s decided to try moving my iMac workstation into the family room all by himself because it’s probably not a very big hoo-hah after all. And this means I might be hard at work on some greeting card designs a few hours from now. Oh boy!
Thank you for reading this. Don’t forget to remember the Alamo and please shut the light when you’re done here.
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