The Howdygram 2: Catheter Day was a fabulous success. Thank you for putting up with me.

We’ve got another blistering-hot summer day in Texas. My hospice C.N.A. was here a few minutes ago — it’s bathing and hygiene day at Howdygram headquarters — and she said the forecast calls for a high of 105° today. HOLY CRAP. That’s considered extremely hot for Texas … especially since it’s only June and we still have several months of summer weather ahead of us. And I’m even including September, which is usually just as hot as August!

Today I’ll compose this section with pleasant, subtitled paragraphs. Here goes: STELLA RESCHEDULED. My hospice nurse rescheduled yesterday afternoon’s appointment. She called at 5 and asked if she could come today at 1 p.m. instead because she realized she didn’t have any Foley catheter equipment in the car with her. Sam said yes, of course, so I’m expecting her about two hours from now to do everything she originally wanted to do yesterday [see previous post].

I’M BEING BRAVE AND REALLY SMART. You’ll be pleased to know that I’m not nervous any more about having my catheter changed today because I made up my mind that it can’t be any worse than other medical procedures I’ve survived ... uterine biopsies, cortisone injections for plantar fasciitis, having seven teeth extracted at the same time and so on. Actually, when compared to biopsies and cortisone injections, having a Foley catheter changed might turn out to be downright entertaining.

DRUGS, DRUGS, DRUGS. Another quick announcement: I LOVE MY MORPHINE! For the last few weeks I’ve been taking 30mg of extended release Morphine twice a day, and this stuff absolutely works to abate my chronic pain. Especially since the hospice physician is also prescribing 10mg Hydrocodone tablets that I can take “as needed.” I took one Hydrocodone this morning, as a matter of fact, and I’ll take another at 12:30 to make sure I’m appropriately medicated when it’s time to get my catheter changed. I might even take two. Wowwwwwwww!

GUESS WHO’S GETTING SKINNY. Yours truly! My entire body has deflated … my legs, my thighs, my stomach, everything. I’m only guessing, of course, but I’d be willing to bet I’ve lost about 100 pounds since my second hospitalization in March. I take a nuclear-powered diuretic (Lasix) twice a day that removes a vast quantity of liquid from my body, plus I eat practically nothing any more. My appetite is so wretched that Sam decided to buy me a six-pack of Ensure, that adorable little liquid meal replacement for senior citizens who like to drink things. (I got Dark Chocolate.)

Ensure is a tasty meal replacement for senior citizens who like to drink things.

For the last couple of hours Sam and I have been enjoying The Inspector General (1949) starring Danny Kaye and Walter Slezak. (This was definitely one of Danny Kaye’s best, and it’s stored on our DVR in a folder labeled KEEPERS.) Danny Kaye’s wife, songwriter Sylvia Fine, absolutely outdid herself in The Inspector General with at least half a dozen masterpieces, beginning with “Yakov’s Elixir” in the very first scene. My other favorites are “Brodny” and “The Gypsy Drinking Song.” They’re a scream.

Believe it or not, there were almost no photos from this movie available on Google.

We love Danny Kaye movies around here and we’ve actually got several of them stored on our DVR. The others are: The Court Jester (1955) with Glynis Johns and Basil Rathbone; Hans Christian Andersen (1952); A Song Is Born (1948) with Virginia Mayo; and Wonder Man (1945) with Vera-Ellen and Virginia Mayo. (Danny Kaye played identical twins in Wonder Man and therefore required two leading ladies.)

A LATE-BREAKING CATHETER UPDATE. Success! Removal of my old Foley catheter — and insertion of a new one — took practically no time at all and didn’t hurt. As a matter of fact, I didn’t even feel it! Thank you for putting up with me. And now it’s time to return to our previously-recorded program, although you still have time to make popcorn.

I’ve got another lovely collection of FREE FONTS for you tonight … this time we’ve got some really top-notch comic book fonts — “Wallis,” “Yada Yada Yada” — and some terrific, quirky display fonts — “One in a Melon,” “Mekicki,” “Story Tales” — a cute script and “Decour,” a huge slab serif family of 12 different weights and matching italics. I’ll include download links after the graphic so you can grab some (or all of) these for your own use. It might also be fun to wrap up a few for early Hanukkah presents!

Decour • One in a Melon • JollyGood • LonJong • Mekicki • Smartypants Script • Story Tales

Kookyheads • Spectacle • Wallis Comic • Yada Yada Yada • Collect ’em All • Blah Blah Blah

It was a goofy, busy day today at Howdygram headquarters. The highlights were: 1) my hospice C.N.A. was here at 10 a.m.; 2) my hospice R.N. was here at 1:30 p.m.; 3) our landscaping service mowed the lawn at 5 p.m. in 105° heat; 4) Sam cleaned and reorganized our pantry and kitchen cabinets; and 5) on a completely unrelated subject, MY FEET ARE FINALLY GORGEOUS AGAIN thanks to some intense exfoliating cream from Costco. I don’t look like an alligator any more! Yay! Incidentally, item #4 is especially important because Sam was able to stuff several cartons with unwanted canned and packaged food, and he’ll drop everything off downtown at the North Texas Food Pantry on Monday. I really don’t know if anybody will ever want our powdered drink mixes, dill pickles, canned ground beef (seriously!), Hormel Compleats, Vienna sausages or hot giardiniera ... but it’s better than starving, right?

It’s 11 p.m., Sam and I are watching Fatso (1980) starring Dom DeLuise and Anne Bancroft, and I’m still sitting at my beautiful iMac computer, finishing up today’s Howdygram post and designing a couple of greeting cards. Life is very good!