I’d offer to live-blog my Foley experience today but I’m not sure that would work out very well.

Hi, everybody. It’s high noon on a hot and steamy Thursday in Texas, the temperature outside is already 93° on its way to an expected high of 97°. Oy, that’s HOT. I’m definitely glad I don’t have to be outside on days like this, when your car feels like an oven after 15 minutes in a parking lot. And it’s still only June here … imagine what August will feel like! (We’ll be in the triple-digits a week from now, and probably every week thereafter.)

SEND POPSICLES. Fast.

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And so … today’s the day my hospice nurse, Stella, is coming over to check my vital signs, change the dressing on my left heel and — worst of all — replace my Foley catheter. This is huge, people. But I’ll have to get used to the Foley catheter hoo-hah because they’ll be changing my catheter every 30 days for the rest of my life. And today is one of those 30-day milestones. My first, as a matter of fact, and something I’ll have to get used to.

I’d offer to live-blog my Foley experience today but I’m not sure that would work out very well … and it also might be physically impossible. Stay tuned, okay?

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Know what? The world is full of disgusting news that I don’t want to write about … particularly domestic news involving Donald J. Trump, the Orange Menace.

The Orange Menace, Donald J. Trump, displaying one of his 10 stubby little fingers.

However I did read a pathetic report that I’d like to share from someone who attended the recent G7 clambake in Canada, during which Trump infamously humiliated the American people by arriving late, skipping key sessions, leaving early, and insulting the Canadian prime minister afterwards via a series of hideously insulting tweets. Apparently, however, it got even worse. When the time came for G7 leaders to sign the final communique, Trump stood up like a crabby toddler, put his hand in his suit pocket, threw two Starburst candies on the table and said to Angela Merkel, the Chancellor of Germany: “Here, Angela, don’t say I never gave you anything.”

Holy mother of shit. What a low-class asshole.

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I think I’d better publish this post, have a light nosh and maybe shut my eyes for a little while. It’s almost 2 p.m., so I might even watch today’s episode of “The People’s Court.”

Thank you for reading this. I’d love a bag of popcorn if you have any!