Any theories about what happened to Melania Trump?

Happy Saturday morning, boys and girls. I had my first real test last night with hospice protocol when we began monitoring a wild “temperature swing” that started around 5 p.m. For absolutely no reason whatsoever my body temperature dropped from 97.2° (normal for me) to 95° about an hour later, and then jumped up four degrees to 99° by 9 p.m. I was feeling extremely lousy! But while the temperature hoo-hah definitely wasn’t a good sign — all of our calls to 911 begin with that symptom! — there were four pluses to consider as well: 1) I did NOT have the chills; 2) I was still fully conscious and talking to Sam; 3) I wasn’t pishing all over myself; and 4) there were no worries in case I couldn’t breathe because I already had oxygen here.

So, at 9:30 last night I took a dose of extended release Morphine, put the cannula up my nose, Sam turned on the oxygen generator and we both agreed he would sleep in the family room with me ... just in case I started making noises or needed his help. We both had a very restful night, and for the first time in years the story ended well. No 911, no paramedics, no hospitalization! And if we’d needed nursing services, our hospice R.N. was a phone call away. Sam had her business card next to him on the sofa last night, just in case. The goal of a hospice program is to avoid hospitalization by providing the right kind of care — at the right time — at home, AND WE DID IT. Woo-hoo!

In case you’re interested, I called the hospice administrator (Bea) this morning to request a stronger dose of extended release Morphine. It’s only been a couple of days, but I already can tell that 15mg isn’t enough pain relief for me because I have to take a 10mg Hydrocodone tablet with it. Bea said the next-higher strength of Morphine would be 30mg and agreed to send my request to the supervising M.D. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if my new drugs showed up sometime tonight after dark with a pounding knock on the front door. It’s like a scene from a murder mystery around here!

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It’s 7 p.m., Sam is taking another nap, and I’m watching one of my favorite movies: The Thin Man (1934) starring William Powell and Myrna Loy. As soon as I figure out what I want for dinner I’ll wake Sam and set the wheels in motion. I’m still undecided about the food issue right now. I had a small slab of meat loaf for lunch and nothing for breakfast … mostly because I was dizzy with a low-grade migraine all morning after taking 15mg of Morphine with 20mg of Hydrocodone. NEVER DO THIS! Twenty minutes later I shut down my MacBook, turned off the TV and conked out.

Mixing pain meds isn’t a great solution for me. I’d be better off taking more extended release Morphine and NO HYDROCODONE WHATSOEVER. (Morphine rocks!)

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The First Lady of the United States has been in the news for the last couple of weeks due to being virtually invisible and missing in action since May 10. THAT’S A LONG FUCKING TIME! While there’s been a lot of speculation about where she is and what she’s doing, Sam and I would like to put forth a couple of interesting angles that haven’t been explored at all.

INTERESTING ANGLE #1. Sam thinks Melania has been the victim of domestic violence and she’s been in hiding ever since, trying to recover from various injuries that include a busted nose and/or black eyes.

INTERESTING ANGLE #2. I think Melania is recuperating from plastic surgery.

First Lady Melania Trump hasn’t been seen since May 10.

If you or your relatives would like to float any theories of your own, please comment on this post or send me an email at your earliest possible convenience. Thank you.

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Our movie choices tonight at Howdygram headquarters have included all of the following: Twelve O’Clock High (1949) starring Gregory Peck and Hugh Marlowe; Executive Suite (1954) starring William Holden and June Allyson; Room Service (1938) starring the Marx Brothers; and The Best Years of Our Lives (1946) starring Fredric March and Myrna Loy. I know you’ll agree that Sam and I have very broad taste in classic films.

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And now it’s time to take my bedtime meds and get some sleep … providing I can wake Sam without scaring the hell out of him and haul myself back to the chaise lounge.

Thank you for reading this. If you want to remember the Alamo, I guess I can’t stop you!