Senator Lindsey Graham wants to bomb everybody for freedom, liberty and Jesus.

I’ll begin this post with a really scary statement: I HAD NO SLEEP LAST NIGHT. None whatsoever. Sam and I stayed up late to watch Rendezvous (1935) starring William Powell and Rosalind Russell, went to bed at 3, and about 15 minutes later I jumped up due to my lousy spazzy neuropathy feet — I HATE DIABETES! — and parked myself in the study to Google the interwebs for a wide variety of Very Important Shit, which included: 1) what year were elevators invented; 2) are any of the 12 original Gilbreth children from Cheaper by the Dozen still alive; and 3) how long were Al Jolson and Ruby Keeler married. Because inquiring minds want to know ... and what else would an insomniac do at 5 a.m., am I right?

The answers, in case you’re interested, are: 1) 1857; 2) yes, Frederick, who’s 98 years old; and 3) from 1928 to 1939. I hope you’re as impressed by this information as I was.

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It’s Sunday afternoon, Sam is downtown at the office and I’m afraid I’ve got some grim tidings in case you haven’t already heard: JAMES GARNER DIED LAST NIGHT. This is especially unsettling due to just yesterday morning I programmed one of our all-time favorite movies — Support Your Local Gunfighter (1971) starring James Garner, Jack Elam and Suzanne Pleshette — to record tomorrow on the Retro Channel. WAS A THIS PREMONITION OR A SIGNAL FROM THE AFTERLIFE? Holy crap!

For the record, I hope the Retro Channel also decides to air our OTHER favorite James Garner comedy — Support Your Local Sheriff (1969) co-starring Harry Morgan, Bruce Dern and Walter Brennan — because it’s even better than Support Your Local Gunfighter. If you’ve never seen these two movies, the Howdygram highly recommends them. Thank you.

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Now I’d like to throw in a Putz of the Week for your Sunday afternoon entertainment. Meet Senator Lindsey Graham, the whiny-ass GOP war-lover from South Carolina who — along with his best friend John McCain — wants to BOMB EVERYBODY FOR AMERICA because pointless military intervention always equals freedom, liberty and Jesus.

Earlier today Senator Graham suggested to NBC’s David Gregory that Russian separatists would never have shot down that Malaysian Airlines flight if Secretary of State John Kerry had called Russian President Vladimir Putin a “thug.” Name-calling is always such a successful foreign policy ... and we knew it was just a matter of time until somebody in the GOP blamed the airline disaster on Obama, right?

Graham also couldn’t contain his fury at Kerry’s recent assessment of “complex” foreign policy issues like the wars in Ukraine and the Middle East. Graham shrieked, “It scares me that he believes the world is in such good shape! America is the glue the holds the free world together! Leading from behind is not working! The world is adrift! President Obama has become the king of indecision!” And because he believes President Obama’s policies are failing across the globe our enemies will be coming here soon. Maybe Coney Island or Sea World?

When Gregory asked exactly what Kerry and the Obama administration should have done regarding the downing of the Malaysian Airlines jet it became crystal clear what Graham was actually driving at: WE HAVE TO HELP THE UKRAINE AND SEND THEM BOMBS because all of our enemies are way, way ahead of us and HE’S SCARED FOR AMERICA. “The Europeans are never going to lead on this issue so it’s indispensable that America lead, and there’s a battle of wills between the KGB colonel and the ‘community organizer.’ And the colonel is winning.”

I guess Senator Graham doesn’t remember George W. Bush’s frightening (and failed) If You Aren’t With Us, You’re With The Terrorists doctrine. The point is, AMERICA DOESN’T NEED TO FIGHT EVERY WAR and we flat-out CAN’T AFFORD TO.

Bottom line? This is partisan horseshit at its worst and I’m really sick of unhinged Republitards dumping on the President in EVERY SINGLE CRISIS. I don't remember hate like this towards President Bush — even after 9/11 — and certainly nobody deserved hate more than “Dubya” did. Lindsey Graham and John McCain are a couple of reckless dickheads who want to provoke Vladimir Putin, commit troops and weapons to the Ukraine and risk a nuclear war. My advice? Be a patriot, support your president and shut the fuck up!

Wow. THAT FELT REALLY GREAT. Anybody for a braunschweiger sandwich?