Rick Perry is a lying, semi-literate punchline.

This might be the fastest repeat Putz of the Week in Howdygram history. On July 1 our honoree was Texas Governor Rick “Greasy-Palms” Perry, and it seems that our very own locally-grown pond scum has risen to the top yet again. (It must be that frontrunner hairdo or his new “I be smart” glasses.)

In an interview with Fox News last week Perry shot off his mouth that he thinks President Obama is PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE for the growing number of Central American women and children pouring across the border. “We either have an incredibly inept administration, or they’re in on this somehow or another. I mean I hate to be conspiratorial, but I mean how do you move that many people from Central America across Mexico and then into the United States without there being a fairly coordinated effort.” Have you ever heard of ROADS?

On Sunday ABC News host Martha Raddatz gave Perry a chance to undo the stupidity of his conspiracy theory but he didn’t take the hook and actually made it WORSE.

“When I have written a letter that is dated May of 2012, and I have yet to have a response from this administration, I will tell you they either are inept or don’t care, and that is my position,” Perry said. “We have been bringing this to the attention of President Obama and his administration since 2010, he received a letter from me on the tarmac. I have to believe that when you do not respond in any way, that you are either inept, or you have some ulterior motive of which you are functioning from.” Nice sentence structure, you blithering halfwit.

Then Perry added that his theory about Obama’s complicity is proven by the fact that the president had not responded to his letter, the feds haven’t deployed drones to the border and if there’s a Gulf coast hurricane the carnage will be on the president’s head because Texas has nowhere to house a few hundred immigrants in a storm. Letters, drones and hurricanes? It never ends, does it?

Raddatz eventually cut Perry off, frustrated that he refused to acknowledge her rebuttals. She brought up, for instance, that these incoming immigrant children are covered under the William Wilberforce Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act of 2008 — which was signed into law by George W. Bush — and that President Obama continues to make repeated public statements telling these people NOT TO COME TO THE UNITED STATES and NOT TO LEAVE THEIR HOMES. Perry’s response? “The president has sent powerful messages, time after time, by his polices, by nuances, that it is okay to come to the United States and you can come across and you’ll be accepted with open arms.”

The Republicans can’t have it both ways. They label Obama “the deportation president” and also want to blame him for inviting immigrants to pour across the border. This is the kind of thing that makes my brain blow up.

Texas asked the feds for more border money and they got more border money. They asked for more agents and they got more agents. Central American refugees have been ushered through Mexico at their own peril for generations, but all of sudden NOW — with a president of color in the Oval Office — immigration is national emergency and a conspiracy. Amnesty granted by other presidents? Approved by Congress. Amnesty suggested by President Obama? ARMAGEDDON! ANCHOR BABIES! TERROR! DISEASE!

Personally, I’m actually driven toward favoring immigration based solely on the right wing’s hate-filled hysteria. If they’re against it, I WANT IT. And as for Rick Perry, he’s a stammering punchline who’s sunk to a scary new low in opportunism. Am I the only person who remembers that he signed a law giving illegal immigrants A BIG FAT TUITION BREAK to attend college here? When confronted about this during a 2012 GOP presidential primary debate, Perry said: “If you’ve been in the state of Texas for three years, if you’re working towards your college degree ... I’m proud that we are having those individuals be contributing members of our society rather than telling them to go be on the government dole.”

Holy crap, Governor Douchebag, which is it? Are illegal immigrants an end-times conspiracy by President Obama the Communist Nazi or a welcome opportunity for the Lone Star State to beef up its cheap “Texas miracle” labor force? YOU CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS.

Oy, I have such a headache. I think I need a Marcytini and a bag of Cheetos for breakfast.