Here’s what’s coming up this week: grout people and no teeny cans of ham.

Hi, people! I do NOT plan to discuss my ongoing issues with insomnia this morning due to it happening so often it’s not news any more and you’re probably as sick of this subject as I am. Therefore we’ll discuss what’s coming up in the week ahead here at Howdygram headquarters. This will be a full one for me with SO MANY EXCITING ACTIVITIES! These include: 1) a visit from Clayton, leader of the grout people; 2) a box of crap from Amazon; and 3) I can’t think of anything else. I’ll expand items 1 and 2 below. Thank you.

THE GROUT PEOPLE MAKE A COMEBACK. Clayton will be here today between 10 a.m. and noon to assess his crew’s shitty work following 11 attempts to grout, caulk dismantle and reassemble the shower in our master bathroom during the months of March, April, May and June 2014. (If you think I’m joking please send an email and I’ll provide links to all my Howdygram posts on this subject. There are DOZENS.) We’ve got a list of fuck-ups that still need to be fixed and I don’t intend to let him leave today until we get some promises in writing. I’m even prepared to disable his vehicle with my cane. Stay tuned, okay?

MY JULY SUBSCRIBE & SAVE ORDER ARRIVES TOMORROW. All of the kitchen essentials pictured below are included in this month’s subscription order from Amazon except for a case of Hormel smoked ham in teeny cans, which is out of stock. I’m not seriously upset about this, however, since the price online just jumped (supply and demand?) from $16.12 to $46.99 and there’s no way these stupid cans of ham are worth $46.99.

A few hours ago Sam’s Aunt Adie sent me this lovely photo taken at Mammoth Lake in California while she does the “Sam Wave” from a convenient spot in the mud. In case you’re interested, the cute little photobomb on the right is Sam. (He’s much taller in real life.)

Thank you for reading this.