I want an extra toilet and I want it now.

I’ve got a bone to pick with Zillow. Their website insists that Howdygram headquarters has 2½ bathrooms ... but we DON’T. We moved into our house in 2007 and I’ve been looking for that damn half-bath for seven years. Speaking as a creaky senior citizen with incontinence issues I WANT AN EXTRA TOILET AND I WANT IT NOW. And since Zillow insists that it’s already here I think they should cough up the dough to pay for it. Thank you.

Know what I do when I’m hungry? If I don’t feel motivated to shlep into the kitchen for a braunschweiger sandwich I go to Schwan’s website and drag frozen food into my shopping cart. Here’s what I just ordered for next week’s delivery.

For what it’s worth, I don’t recommend eating celery and ketchup with corn dogs. (I don’t recommend celery and ketchup with ANYTHING.) Also, the pulled pork tastes a lot better than it looks and doesn’t even need any sauce.

Does anybody have big plans for the Fourth of July? Sam and I have decided to hang out at home with bags of salty/crunchy crap enjoying patriotic movies on TCM including: 1776 (1972) starring William Daniels (as John Adams), Ken Howard (as Thomas Jefferson) and Blythe Danner; Yankee Doodle Dandy (1942) starring James Cagney and Joan Leslie; Sergeant York (1941) starring Gary Cooper and Walter Brennan with mentally ill eyebrows; and The Dawn Patrol (1938) starring Errol Flynn, Basil Rathbone and David Niven. For the record, 1776 and Yankee Doodle Dandy are musicals; the other two not so much.

You may be interested to note that 1776 is a brilliant production and historically accurate in all respects, right down to John Adams’ opinion that Congress is a worthless pile of manure. (Not much has changed in 238 years.)

Thank you for reading this.