Introducing the Howdygram’s Top Ten List of Fun Activities for Housebound Senior Citizens.

This is your lucky day, people! Today is the first of July and I’ve just decided to post my new Top Ten List of Fun Activities for Housebound Senior Citizens, which appears below for your possible interest. I strongly recommend that you take notes because if you’re not a senior citizen yet you probably will be, eventually. So here goes.

1. You call up your kidney doctor and cancel an appointment because you don’t feel like going out and hate wearing a brassiere. 
2. You place a great big order with Amazon Prime Pantry and get heart palpatations when it ships the same day. THE SAME DAY!
3. You finally make it to the bathroom without peeing on your leg.
4. You have a refrigerator full of ready-to-eat favorites, including hard-boiled eggs, Oscar Mayer pickle & pimiento loaf and questionable braunschweiger.
5. You’ve memorized the telephone number of the pharmacy that has your prescriptions.
6. Your favorite food is gravy and nobody cares.
7. You have enough insulin syringes in stock to open a store.
8. The highlight of your week is folding a mountain of socks and all of them match.
9. You have six William Powell movies stored on your DVR.
10. You get to be a slug because you have an adorable husband like Sam who knows how much your feet hurt.

Today’s Prime Pantry order is pictured above. I am particularly excited about the sugar-free cookies and Campbell’s cream of mushroom soup.

It’s 7:30 and time for dinner, which will include a gigantic salad — featuring bacon bits, chopped egg, shredded cheddar cheese, green olives and Walden Farms zero-calorie dressing — followed by a few Costco teeny tacos and one sugar-free chocolate bar. Thank you for reading this. I love my life.